Your hash scribe today is CIA. Although I got a chair to take notes, I received no notepad or pen to take notes! Why? Because that useless cunt, WANK-KING'S WANKER stole it! No matter, the CIA has other eavesdropping technology, namely my iPhone.
Today’s A site was under the flyover for the new highway: a place familiar to many Pattaya hashers. Weather cooperated today; not too hot and no rain.
First circle was called by THE WIZARD. Two virgins were called in Francis from Belgium and Goy from Thailand. Goy was observed to be wearing new shoes and actually drank some of the golden nectar from one of her shoes.
The hares: SOUR KRAUT BONE COLLECTOR (SKBC for the rest of this report), SMOKEY TRUCKY FUCKY (SMOKEY for the rest of this report), and UNSTABLE LOAD, were called in to describe the run. Hares claimed the run and walk were 8 km and 4 km respectively. The pack took off and I left with the Beer Hunters.
For today’s beer hunting expedition, RSB found a drinking spot just a few minutes drive away. There were six of us on this journey: RSB, WANK-KING'S WANKER (WW), FERRY QUEEN, CIA, BILLION SUCKER, and TEENY WEENY; truly a motley bunch!
Some of you may wonder what an intellectually gifted group like this discuss at these gatherings. Well, wonder no more! Topics included the vileness of Chang Beer and Archa beer, rats (and how to kill them), the Tarantino movie: "Dusk Before Dawn", and of course ladyboys. The last topic produced two notable quotes from the group:
1) "I’m in the middle of something in the middle of nowhere."
2) "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." (which is credited to Sigmund Freud).
Profound indeed!
But I digress. We returned to the run site to find the runners had already returned and the beer truck opened. Starting with this run, Beer Police were established.
SOAPBOX MOMENT
It’s really a sad moment when PH3 feels Beer Police are needed but apparently there are a few perpetrators who have been loading up their bags with beer from the beer truck. If you are one of these perps, (I’m pretty sure the committee has a good idea who you are), do the club a favor and just stay home. Stealing from the hash is not cool. Whether you think so or not, its stealing from the club. Respect the club and it’s rules!
END OF SOAPBOX
As already stated, runners were back when the Beer Hunters returned, and comments about the run were positive. True trail was a bit shorter than advertised (6.8 km).. walkers was about 4 km.
VV had his excellent baguettes for sale, and many hashers took advantage of it. I had a salmon one myself. It was aroi!
THE WIZARD called the second circle to order. The first item on the agenda was a lost HHH signs from two weeks ago. STEPTOE, who was the only hare present from 2 weeks ago, took responsibility and was awarded Hash Trash. He also was told to wear the HHH sign around his neck.
Next on the ice were the hares SKBC, SMOKEY, and UNSTABLE LOAD. The circle was polled for their thoughts. Feedback was positive. Someone stated the trail was proof that the earth is indeed flat.
After that was the raffle. Winners were: GANGREEN, HARD ON, LOST CAUSE, FERRY QUEEN, CANNONBALL, SMOKEY TRUCKY FUCKY, PHANTOM, and Nooky.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD then took the circle. Hares were iced, followed by VV. VV was recognized for his service to the DIRT ROAD and PH3, for being Brew Master and maintaining the beer truck. He was given a plaque by EMPEROR AIRHEAD. Well done VV! I think I speak for all the Pattaya hashers when I say we are most grateful for what you do for these clubs.
FERRY QUEEN was then iced and given a hand condom. Personally, I think a full body condom is needed. After that, MISS PIGGY was iced for not outfitting his girlfriend with a Hash T-shirt. Virgins were then given down downs. MR BEAN and EBONY PRINCESS were welcomed back from Africa.
THE WIZARD then took the circle and iced EMPEROR AIRHEAD and GI JOE for having birthdays this week. GI JOE’s birthday was actually today while AIRHEAD’s is on Friday. Both are stalwarts of the Hash and are older than dirt! A loaf of bread containing lit candles was presented to the birthday boys by LADY SQUEEZE MY TUBE.
WANK-KING'S WANKER, that useless cunt who stole my scribe's clipboard, then took the circle to present awards. NIGHT RIDER 300 runs, WHORE IN THE WINDOW 100 runs, and SOUR KRAUT 10 hares. GOOSEY GOOSEY GOBBLER got a 50 run hat. Awards were completed with HOI WAN awarded a 100 run T-shirt. She was serenaded by GANGREEN with a great song I hadn’t heard before: "Will You Swallow My Cum?". I think it was new to the circle as well. I need to get the words to that song!
It was then time for Wanker of the Week. The vote was between SPERM POLLUTER for getting his truck stuck in a pothole on last weeks run, and DIRT LOONEY for sporting a 6XL T-shirt he got in Chiang Mai at Indochina Mekong event.? That shirt would have been big on FREE WILLY!
Vote was nearly unanimous for SPERM POLLUTER.
NO MORE CUM then took the circle and iced returners: MR BEAN , EBONY PRINCESS, MRS TIGHT, MR CHEAP, MISS PIGGY and virgin girlfriend. That was followed by an icing of SHE’S THE BOSS, VELCRO DICK, RSB, and HUM YAI (from Phuket) for being scary hashers.
SCAR W/2T'S then took the circle and iced NMC, EBONY PRINCESS, and WORE SORE MORE. MR CHEAP, MRS TIGHT were then iced. VV, was then iced for moonlighting as a pub crawl guide for the SWAMP RATS ... driving from bar to bar.
Amazingly, towards the end of the circle, not a single hasher had been put in the bucket! That was corrected by placing two Phuket hashers in the bucket: HARD ON and HUM YAI.
Hares were then asked to sing a song but they weren’t prepared so they went on the ice. LORD CHICKEN FUCKER sang "Barnacle Bill the Sailor" in their place.
Circle then closed with Swing Low. Overall, it was an excellent day out with great weather, good run, good circle, and plenty of beer. Thank you hares!
On on bar was Tahitian Queen.
Your humble scribe
On-On! CIA