As this is the last Monday of our Annus Horribilus, (which her Majesty brought into popular use after she used it to describe 1992 - the year that the marriages of her two sons Charles and Andrew broke down and Windsor Castle caught fire), we are all full of hope for a better 2021.
Looking back on the year it might be useful for some who are new to hashing to understand the origins of hashing. Hash House Harrier roots extend back to the old English schoolboy game of “Hares and Hounds,” in which some players, called “hounds,” chase others, called “hares,” who have left a trail of paper scraps along their route across fields, hedges, streams, bogs, and hills. One of the earliest Hares and Hounds events on record was the “Crick Run” at Rugby School in Warwickshire, England, first held in 1837. (Thinks, did we not pass Rugby School last week?)
Back to the run, here’s the surprise of the year, a run set by mystery hares whose identity would be revealed through scrabble letters dotted along the trail. So, are we now Hash House Scrabblers, joining the likes of the ThaiVisa Editor “Rooster” who was a Scrabble World Champion some years ago? (BTW he writes a very amusing column, Sunday morning in TV called “That was the week that was”).
The A-site was by Spermy’s Lake, a scenic spot on the other side of the 331, easy to find along a reasonable dirt road. To keep the mystery going, Spermy (Sperm Polluter) acted as the run instructor detailing how long the run was: ca 8km, and walk was well short of 4km, with bags of Scrabble letters left under check signs.
So off we went, the walker’s trail for the first km was through trampled elephant grass, casava field boundaries then across a small stream, which I managed not to get all the way across with one shoe struck, it seemed permanently, in the soft mud. Shoe eventually retrieved without having to wade in the stream again, then on to a split and a leisurely walk back along a pleasant farmers track, 2.5km in total. The runners did not return for over 1.5h, with a bunch of shortcutters walking back in together. Between them they covered just over 8km, but were confused by the paper a few times. The walkers trail was perfectly marked so no complaints.
Time to play scrabble & discover the hares’ identity, didn’t take long to decipher Pussy Snatcher and Jellobut. Circle time and comments on the walk: “first ½ marking in 3D Technicolour, 2nd ½ 2D black & white”. On the run “not bad for a couple of retards”, “looks like a drunkards trail”. Liberace did his customary walk trail backwards, but found his own trail and got lost.
Waffle had the usual assortment of prizes and ecstatic screams. Ging Gang Gullie (GGG) was punished for loosing things on trail/A site. Awards went to No Trucking Idea: 100 runs and Paprika Smiley for 5 hares (it’s taken him over 20 years!)
SW2T's took the circle and struggled to find someone to punish, so picked on Seal Sucker for being an FRB/Short cutting or finding parallel trails so he could always come in first. GGG was attacked for not speaking to SW2T's in the TQ (is that relevant to today’s run?)
The GM took over for the highlight of the night the WOTY(Wanker of the Year) awards which were classified into 7 categories:
1. The hasher who is always at the front of the free food queue: Phantom
2. The hasher most likely to be found dead alone in his condo by neighbours complaining of the smell: Paprika Smiley
3. The hasher most likely to be killed by his partner: Golden Rivet
4. The hasher most likely to end up on the sex offender’s register: Sperm Polluter
5. The hasher most famous for Tourettes (profanity, swearing): Dirt Looney
6. The hasher most likely to be a COVID super spreader: Knickerless
7. The hasher most likely to die from a drink driving accident: Unstable Load
So from these 7 candidates the WOTY award was given, by popular demand, to KNICKERLESS
To round off the circle Pussy #3 had a birthday wish, Fuck Off was done for something and finally LCF proceeded to ice those who wanted to be iced?!
The Hares were then put on the spot to sign the hares’ song, but in response they performed the following rap:
Fuck Year 2020
Year 2020 was one fucked up time,
Pandemic with lockdown, curfew, and moonshine
Hashing was halted and beer bars went dead.
So the Mystery hares said stop all this dread
We’ll set a trail that no one can find,
But that doesn’t matter, we’ll just leave them behind,
Cause they won’t know who did this to them.
Well the hares are just pricks causing all this mayhem.
Year 2020 was one fucked up time
That unbroken check, that’s your problem not mine!
Keep going to the backcheck and we’ll get you lost
I’m drinking your beer and it’s at your cost!
Year 2020 was one fucked up time
The Chinese flu never made hashers whine.
That hare from Wisconsin and the one from Eugene
They spread the virus and now we Vaccine
Year 2021 will be better, you’ll see
Keep following paper, but don’t stop to pee
No worries no frets, the hares will bring beer
Fuck year 2020 and a happy new year
Well done hares: a good A-site, a good run, a great rap and another enjoyable evening in tropical SE Bangkok!
On On to 2021, Burl Ives.
Footnote: Bum Boy finally came in exhausted and safe at 20:30h after 11.4 km. Fortunately he had a torch, GPS and a phone with him. There’s a message in there for all of us!
On-On! Burl Ives