Well, another run that started out inauspiciously, but turned out well as usual. Rain, dark, and fog threatened to put a damper on things and it is a drag losing people in the jungle under these conditions but we're used to it by now and weren't worried. The hares Sir Frog and Queen Mary, innovative hashers that they are, changed the A site at the last moment to an indoor venue, namely a barn that was rumoured to be Miserable Cunt's new residence since his recent divorce (this information given in confidence by Lone Wolf). Great site in the jungle surrounded by mountains covered in mist from the low clouds. The rain stopped in time for the first circle where new shoes were down downed and then off to find the paper. The run started out with us scaring a herd of wild Brahma bulls and their families but fortunately there was plenty of barbed wire between us and them. Up the mountain, through the tapioca and pineapple plantations, past surprised harvesters who couldn't believe their eyes at what crazy falangs will do for pleasure. Back down where the Front Running Bastards Linguini Weeny (France) and German Shepherd (Canada) were observed by slower runners, including me, who had happened to take a wrong turn (otherwise known as shortcutting). Mysteriously, Pear Shaped beat me back and was sitting in his seat with half a beer gone by the time I arrived at the A site and hadn't even worked up a sweat. How does he do it?
If a raffle can be exciting this was the closest to it that we've seen for a while. Timmy Tight Pants bought a whole book of tickets but forgot to put the stubs in the draw bowl. By the time he was finally advised to do this, Black Crab had already won a pair of shorts, but from then on it was Timmy's day and he won every other prize (5), a feat accomplished by only one other hasher, everybody's hero, Free Willy. Timmy also won himself 5 down downs for his troubles. Spaghetti Head then took off his hat in the circle where we all had the pleasure of observing where his Hash Name came from and changed to his new GM hat. Anniverseries were announced (elsewhere on this site). Circle turned over the the new RA Chicken Fucker who squashed some rumours that had been going around, namely that Free Willy was Miserable Cunt's fast growing son and that Timmy Tight Pants and Really Sadistic Bastard were having an affair. I repeat, these rumours are not true. The word is out on Walking Street that Arse-holeo is back in town and all young girls (and boys?) should keep their backs to the wall when he approaches. In this regard, Redcoat (welcome back Redcoat) had Arse-holeo iced and sang an appropriately long song about him called the Cornhole King which included lots of rectum-like words. The Cabbage Family were iced for being too fit and for visiting Boys Town, Blue nose iced for bringing a virgin, Fucking Dog iced for having a clean shirt, Slippery Ass iced for leaving plastic bottles in the jungle, observed of course by hash spies, and given the Hash Trash award. The lovely Seaman Swallow's circle and she ices Seaman Stains and King Yao Yao, trying to get the former jealous of the latter and jumps into King Yao Yao's lap only to be followed immediately by the Queen jumping into Seaman Stains lap. Wonder how that'll turn out? Brown Ring Licker was overheard asking Lone Wolf if he was a “homeowner” and both iced because the listener thought he heard “homo”. Probably true anyway. Thank God Redcoat finally changes the subject from bums and homos back to what we all care about, singing a golden oldie song about vaginas. Seaman Stains circle, Hash hymn and off to that wonderful Hash Bar, Secrets. The bus was nowhere to be found however and turned out the driver had to go to a funeral. Opportunistic hashers that we are, back to the beer truck!
ON ON.......... Key Mah