I arrived late at the a-site with most runners already in the usual groups preparing for the unexpected as is normal for a Free Willy & Flipper run. This time it was a special one as the hares celebrate 23 years of married bliss this week. Flipper was a little disgruntled as she realized she would have not spent that long in jail if she had done away with Free Willy. The circle was called with the Virgins welcomed and the new shoes christened. A picture of the happy couple was then passed round the circle showing Free Willy sporting a beard like a rhododendron bush and Flipper looking “Hot” as the Emperor later described her. A rule 6 run brief was given using gay paper and gay painted fingernails as visual aids, before a glass was smashed by the studded dog collar wearing Free Willy and the first paper pointed out.
Off we all went and the first part of the run was all off trail with many FRB’s losing paper and not paying attention to the route, which was quite well marked. The first check was at the base of a sheer face with left or right being the only options. Shit thru a Duck being at the front took the obvious right, leaving me to check left. No More Cum was grumpy that I did not shout checking and followed me blindly to the FT. After heading back along the correct trail through the dense forest I couldn’t help thinking how Free Willy managed to drag his ample frame through such a confined route. Maybe he has some dwarves locked up in his dungeon with all the rest of his fetish gear. Eventually a steep drop presented itself and the terrain opened out through some tapioca, tracks and shallow stream beds. On reaching the On-In, Harry’s Porn Star was off like a gazelle on steroids, obviously ready for a drink, while I trotted back with Festering Streaker & Lord Lucan.
Free food and booze was generously laid on by the hares, which is always appreciated and there was plenty for all the slower runners and walkers as they ambled back in. It was during the usual post run activities of picnics, booze and talking shite that I was volunteered by our GM to be this week’s scribe. Up to now this year, there has been a different scribe every week so for those of you who have not had a go yet, don’t be shy, you get a free run as well.
As the sun goes down and the beer is flowing, the circle was called by our GM. The first issue was a lost bag from yesterday’s jungle run, which was duly re-claimed from the Ice by Missing Link. Next up was a request for a lift back to town for Uncle Fester’s broken down bike. It must be the first time he was not at the front of the queue for food at the on-on. The hares on in and the general consensus was a good run but the bad RA will deal with them later. The Hares offered 2 bottles of wine for prizes. The first was not awarded as no-one admitted to seeing the spooky Blair Witch Buddha on the trail. The smashing of the glass ritual was correctly identified as a Jewish tradition and a bottle of wine was won.
Seaman Swallow on in for the raffle with the prizes being of a mostly S&M theme with additional haircuts, massages, booze and a meal for 2 at Patricks on offer. Winners included Stian, who was correctly iced for shopping, Ewok, Free Willy, Chicken Legs, Uncle Pervy, Harry Potter, Teeny Weeny, DLID, Bambam & Lobster Queen. During the raffle, Jungle Jane was iced for a false call and Hellboy & Baby Wipes rode the chilled chariot for chatting.
Spaghetti Head took charge of the circle again for the usual business. Smells like a Cunt celebrated his 150th run, maybe a request for a name change is in order but as we all know that can often backfire. Selected returners, Up The Butt & his wife Mrs Butt(?) along with Crack my Coccyx in for a drink. Visitors next with Ice Cold Shot, Woolly Jumper & Avram Mednick welcomed to PH3 and Teflon Willie took his beverage from the comfort of the Bucket. Leavers were next up with Uncle Pervy (again?), Sheikh Meme, Brown Ring Licker and Jan Licker on in, whilst Ping Pong Pete picked the wrong time to pump bilge and cooled his crevice when he finally made it in. Virgins Ian & Cath Murray, fellow Scarborians on in along with Paprawarin, Anders Firing, Mio Sampanya, Nattarika Pimpuy for their introductory down downs.
Emperor Airhead took charge of the circle and invited the Hares to enjoy the Baltic Bite on the Buttocks. Everyone seemed to appreciate the good run especially as the hares are not known for their athleticism. No More Cum braved the icy waters of the bucket for cackling as one of the Aussie contingency claimed the run was not an epic. Flipper enlightened us that Free Willy was a “Good Man first time” but I am not sure she convinced any of us. The free food, extra booze and good all round run led to an unusual lack of hash shit for a Free Willy run. Jan Licker (Signed up with this name due to being introduced to the hash by Brown Ring Licker, who joined her on the Ice) was then named Lovely Licker. MC froze his fanny (sorry for the American English) for offering to buy the beer truck before retracting his offer, realising it was not worth that much. The Emperor pointed out that its intrinsic value was worth more than the 60K offered, like Eric Clapton’s Guitar which sold for just under $1 million even though it was unplayable. Harry Potter and his family were next to feel the frost in order to name Harry’s Hilton. With a brother named Harry’s Porn Star and the famous internet footage of her namesake, the poor girl doesn’t have much of a chance to avoid the biggest cinematography genre in Europe.
Our GM re-takes the circle in order to deal with some issues from the previous day’s marathon. Harry Potter, Sheik Meme, Bottomless Pit, Lone Wolf and MC as a surrogate Sir Frog also known as the black sheep were Iced, with No More Cum back in the bucket. Our Lancashire fireman signed up with good intentions to run the marathon with the Sheep and even had a t-shirt printed. Unfortunately he was side tracked, possibly somewhere around half a dozen and did not make it. Spaghetti Head proceeded to read a letter from the Mayor of Pattaya complaining of the mess created by the woolly ones. Queen Stella, Honey Bunny, Ewok, GI Joe and Mrs Head who also took part received down downs for their efforts.
SCF in for his usual humorous ramblings maintained he took part in the marathon but was disguised as an Ethiopian. King Yao Yao on in for misplacing his keys last week causing all sorts of searching all the way back home, only for them to turn up right where he left them. MC then sat possibly to alleviate his medical problem of a swelling of the bell end rather than taking his doctor’s advice, a brutal lobbing off of Mr Willy. Cabbage Head on in for having millions of children due to living out of town and having no TV. I actually do live in town and have only 2 kids (that I know of) but why should the truth get in the way of a good story. Really Sadistic Bastard joined me for not having kids.
Spaghetti Head told a joke about Barnacle Bollox, SCF and Up The Butt and a lady with a little bit extra. The Hares song was allegedly stolen so Barnacle Bollox saved the day with an improvised ditty about 4skins. KAM, DLID, King Yao Yao, Cabbage Head, GI Joe, Bam Bam, Really Sadistic Bastard, Sheik Meme, Seaman Stains and Teeny Weeny polished off the last down downs before rounding off the circle with the Hash Hymn. On-On to Secrets for the Happy Hour.
On-On,
Cabbage Head.