Irish Whisky
In my eyes, our leader Free Willy has one redeeming characteristic - he also supports Leyton Orient. So I have to forgive him for springing the scribe’s job on me halfway through the circle when the run is already a distant memory. But then fact is a pale shadow of fiction, so who needs truth?
I arrive with Drippy, fresh from the Seven Seas, and the delightful Ratcatcher, who is keen to show me the calluses she has developed on her hands since Drippy went away (let’s not go there: Ed). There’s Stains in full Oirish regalia, bottles of Jameson’s & shamrocks abound, and I even thought I saw a leprechaun but it was just Really Sadistic Bastard.
Off we go, and loitering pays off as the FRBs go hammering round a pineapple field, while I amble diagonally across with Smiling Brown Spider, so we all arrive at the same place at the same time. A bit of a recurring theme today, bumping into front runners. Stains & Swallow have woven in & out to circumnavigate the massive swaths of desolation which now litter this side of the 331, and without GI Joe’s stentorian OnOns this week, we’re all a bit sideways.
After a few checks, one of which completely maroons Ballringer, it becomes clear the nucleus of the pack is following a wide grassy trail which is totally bereft of paper. I backtrack with the newly lesser-crested Sheik MeMe, and he leads me up the true trail, through a bamboo thicket and across a stream to a rubber plantation, where I meet up with Sir Chicken Fucker for a philosophical discussion which is so engrossing we quite fail to see that we are once again off paper. Unfortunately there is no calling ahead, the ovine flock behind has followed our lead, and this time nobody is prepared to “find the last paper”, until Ballringer catches up and shows how it’s done. We do the Headless Chicken for several minutes before emerging on The Road again.
At this point it all gets a bit surreal. There are front runners silently hurtling around in all directions. The Pattaya Deaf Mute Society meets the Large Hadron Collider. Jellobutt is on a charge down the road in the general direction of the A-site. Paper? Who needs paper when there’s a chance of coming in first?
And so it is that half the pack fails to hear the intrepid Tadpole & Mrs Head calling OnOn from across the road, and misses out on some good hashing country. Up ahead I can see VV, nursing an ankle the size of Belgium, but nonetheless breaking a check! Talk about the last shall be first.
Miserable Cunt tells me the crop-within-crop design of palm surrounded by pineapple is reminiscent of a PH3 circle. Why’s that? “The odd big prick surrounded by irritating little pricks”, he mutters.
We cross The Road again – a quick glance right shows even more SCBs strolling down it - and after a while observe a perfectly-crafted ONION (sic), and it’s a modest canter to the beer and traditional Irish gang kheow wan. Good job, Hares.
ONION
Ringworm
The Circle,
The GM, FREE WILLY, started the ST. Paddy’s Run circle by icing tonight’s hares – SEAMAN STAINS and SEAMAN SWALLOW. Most of the hashers had been to today’s A-site before, as this is one of the SEAMAN Family’s favorite running areas. The terrain is varied and it keeps the FRB’s in check while they try to outsmart the hares. Comments about the run were very complimentary and together with the great food that they prepared – it was a sure-fire success! Emperor Airhead would certainly put his stamp of approval for a great run later!
SEAMAN SWALLOW conducted the raffle and filled the ice and bucket with noisy Black Sheep – namely: SIR FROG, HELLBOY, LONE WOLF, KARAMBA, and SHEIKH MEME. Tonight’s winners included: SIR FROG, BAM-BAM, SAUSAGE QUEEN (2), TURD BURGLAR, FROG LICKS ITS DICK, a virgin – NHANG POHL, and STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS – free run ticket! FREE WILLY continued by bringing in: ICY DAVIDSON – 100 Runs; CHICKEN LEGS – 200 Runs; SEAMAN SWALLOW – 10 Hared Runs; and V V – 450 Runs and 80 Hares T-shirt!
EMPEROR AIRHEAD entered and iced the hares for the great run and great food! Free food always seems to sway a runner’s opinion of the run in a most positive direction. Positive compliments echoed around the circle for the run and the food! Great job hares! The St. Paddy’s Run T-shirt was also well received with many positive comments being heard. The BLACK SHEEP: BOTTOMLESS PIT, SIR FROG, STUPID KRAUT KUNT, HELLBOY, KARAMBA, LONE WOLF, FINI, and SHEIKH MEME were iced for their monthly dining-out party! Hugs, kisses, and hand holding was observed by many while they were sitting on the ice.
A family height comparison was conducted between “The Chicken Family” and “The Hellboy Clan”! It was noted that the Chicken Family was taller from the oldest to the youngest - SCF’r, to CHICKEN LEGS, to CHICKEN NUGGET while the Hellboy Clan was taller from the youngest to the eldest – HELLBOY, to HELLBOY MAMA, to HELLBOY PAPA. The reason for this occurrence seemed to be caused by the 14 years of breast feeding that young Marc received as a child! MaMa and Papa Steindorff received their new names during this event.
FREE WILLY welcomed back the returnees; iced the virgins – NHANG POHL and JENNY POHL; and had SHEIKH MEME serenade the leavers with the “F---Off” song while sitting in the bucket. SIR CHICKEN F’R iced KARAMBA and NO MORE CUM and told a short story about KARAMBA sleeping in TQ1 and being escorted out the door by the cleaning lady in the wee hours of the morning! Next weeks hares: CHEAP NORGY and TIMMY TIGHT PANTS (F’n DOG was standing in for TTP) are trying something new – an in town run between Jomtiem and Pattaya! Polish up the “Hash Shit Seats” someone!
SEAMAN SWALLOW presented CABBAGE HEAD a bottle of whiskey for getting to a special FT (false trail) during today’s run. If you would have seen CABBAGE HEAD when he returned from the run – he needed a long bath more than he needed the bottle of booze! He worked hard for the bottle and rightfully deserved winning it.
SHEIKH MEME iced the hares and thanked them for their continuing efforts towards the Annual St. Paddy’s Day Run. He apologized for not eating the great food that the hares had provided, but finger food at the BLACK SHEEP picnic was on his menu for today! The SHEIKH next iced all of the CABBAGE FAMILY and attempted to rid CABBAGE KNIEVEL of his “suspected non-hash hat”! Both the SHEIKH and FREE WILLY found out that they were wrong – it was truly a “hash hat from the UK’. VELCRO DICK, LONE WOLF, BANKA BLOWER iced along with HELLBOY and a story told about a recent Saturday party where LONE WOLF“just could not believe – she/it was not a real lady”!
Miserable C was iced and a short story told about the only reason that he went to school when he was young – was for the “free lunch”! SEAMAN STAINS sang a good St. Paddy’s Day song and had many hashers doing an “Irish Jig” as he sang. KNOB MARLEY conducted the Hash Hymn assisted by many hashers. The bus, after waiting for SHEIKH MEME, headed off towards tonight’s On-On at Classroom 2. The bus only traveled less that 400 meters from the A-site when SHEIKH MEME was seen watering the rear tires. I guess that they must have been overheated because watering them will never make them grow!