We arrived at the, very well chosen A site, on a gloriously sunny January day. When the bus pulled up it was a site to behold the number of Hashers that were present. I was having a profound talk with Bam Bam about the drying qualities of sticky rice in relation to dropping mobile phones down the toilet, when I was approached by our illustrious GM Seaman Stains (3rd time in as many weeks) whereby he kindly asked if I could do a favour for him. The favour being, of course to scribe this week.
Re-hydrated and raring to hash, the circle was called. Virgins and sponsors on in, a distinct lack of them if the real number on the sign up sheet was anything to go by. Anyway, I digress. New shoes were duly called to join the GM, none whatsoever. Next the French, who were haring today, entered the ring and proceeded to tell us, in some Northern European accent (it wasn’t French!) about the proceeding run. To make the presentation more visual large handfuls of shredded papier were being tossed around, until I think Emperor Airhead muttered something about Paper abuse, whereupon the French hit the ground and started picking it back up again!
And so we set off. The pack moved like a herd of gazelle sweeping majestically through the sandy ravines and up to the large bank on the right, already the short cutters had split to the left and were looking confused or was that just lethargy? So up the bank and straight into a field of tall tapioca, God I love that stuff, especially if it is sprouting from thick, dry sand. It makes the hash so much more enjoyable if all the hashers, young and old are waddling through sand like frogs, ahhhhh, I see the connection now with the hares, sodding French!
The” FRB’s” pull away, the “plodders” that’s the genre I fall into, take the mid section. I am soon flanked by GI Joe and Dizzy, we discuss the finer things in a hashers life (beer, women, how expensive Thailand is, how much weight we have not lost since xmas) and carry on plodding. By this stage GI Joe has made a break for it, or was it his virgin he was making a break from? Dizzy is starting to lag behind. I break into a trot, egged on by the haunting echo of “on on” from Joe. When we get back together at a more reasonable pace, Dizzy catches up, Joe drops back. Dizzy and I shoot the breeze for another 30 minutes, and we’re back at the A site, mmmmmm, time for a beer methinks!
The circle starts a bit later tonight I thought, due to the large number of sign up’s, or were the French trying to sabotage the evening by plying anyone who could do a half decent impression of Inspector Clousseau with cheese, snails and other such French delicacies to make everyone’s breath smell as continental as theirs?
Hares invited in to cool their derrieres, V.V, Linguine Weeny , Madam Claude and Dirty Pussy. Good run? Everybody seemed to think so, Sheik Me Me thought it excellent! Down downs drank, they were free to leave the ice.
Seaman Swallow next takes the circle, with her ice powers and no time for chatty hashers, everybody stands erect and admires the way she takes the matter of the raffle in hand.
Raffle Winners – Robbing Bastard, Phony Cunt , Stinky Sloppy Seconds, Squeeze my tube, Kee Mah, Rear Gunner, Free Willy (same old), Crack my coccyx, Butterfly Inferno.
Iced were- Phillipe the Frog, Real Sadistic Bastard, Doesn’t touch the sides, and Big Flaps taking centre stage in the bucket.
The very nearly God-like presence of our Religious Advisor, Emperor Airhead takes the circle next, bringing up the subject of the amount of hashers from all over the globe that were present this evening, a really impressive sight for all. He straight away got all the French hares back on the ice and congratulated them on the choice of the A site and the amount of ample parking there was. Also the matter of the paperless section of the hash was brought up, but good checks seemed to cancel out the lack of papier! What have the French, and especially their cuisine ever contributed to world gastronomy? French fries. They drank their down downs and escaped the ice.
Next sinner on to the ice was…. Skinny Dick Jock Roach Cunt and his young, Thai partner. Skinny dick was severely reprimanded by the R.A for being CHEAP in so far as never buying his young friend a proper pair of shoes. These things she had on her feet looked like they’d seen better days, probably around 54AD ! CHEAP BASTARD!!!!!
We now had a chance to dob anyone in who was a bad guy present at the circle. Skinny Dick, Gi Joe and Rear gunner bit the ice, couldn’t of gone to three nicer fellas, bastards!
GM’s circle again - GI Joe, Skinny Dick, Tiger bum, Ice cold shot, Kee Mah were called in as returners for bothering to come back.
Virgins and visitors called in for a down down.
Awards – GI Joe 300th Run.
Peter – Iced for cleverly buying 38000000000bhts worth of mobile phones from Free Willy and Miserable Cunt, who were posing as Chinese businessmen, sucker.
Pussy Snatcher and Golden Dildo iced for admitting to playing games on their own.
Sheik Meme’s Circle – Hellboy, the hash circle policeman iced for taking his job a bit too seriously. GI Joe and Brad iced for, I guess, American pizza abuse, no exercise etc.
Hares back on in – The French gourmets iced again for the disruption caused by their food, and for feeding newbie French excitable hasher “Golum” ( you know who he is) after dark!!!!! My precious!!!
Nordic Princess on in - was accused of letting old age creep up on her, that in fact was GI Joe and he was promptly iced.
Last on in was Dizzy and Lone Wolf, for what reason? God Knows!
Hares sang a lovely French song, had a really catchy chorus…
Hash Hymn, then back to TQ2 for some food and no doubt TITS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ON ON
Running Dick