Well here we go, sat at the computer with underpants on inside out, i'll save the inside for the supermarket this afternoon.
I have no excuses to offer like I am German and cant speeky Eenglish or that I was drunk and things are a bit fuzzy, nope, I simply accepted the job because I run for free next week, hey a penny saved is a penny earned mate. It will go towards my anger management classes. I cant write very well not like that bloke, oh what's his name!!! " Big Ring Nosed worm" or something.
Having only 4 baht in the phone I bought a card from 7-11, thinking I could burn a bit of time while waiting for the bus, lets see now *1000 send, and listen to the instructions, enter code number and Id number and press #. This is difficult to do at best of times but when Redcoat is telling you a horrible story about an ugly puff that had just arrived into Thailand and needed a blow job,!!! and when I mean getting one I mean giving one. As you can imagine Redcoats story's are graphic in every detail and was just horrendous, ill leave it to your imagination if I may, however I was able to multi task and get the phone working.
Still young enough to jump on the bus whilst its still moving, I did so, and sat down on my favourite seat away from Redcoat. Lovely wait at the Central road lights !!, and Second road, Carrefour traffic lights, Sukhumvit road and Siam country club, the rest of the trip was a breeze.
How are we doing? How many words have I done so far? Oh shit no where near enough.
So, what a lovely A site, no really, lovely topography, mountains and Jomtien in the far---- far distance and a pagoda could be seen at Horse shoe point, so no one could possible get lost, you would think! However there is always one that can manage the unimaginable, Hellboy got lost on the mountain, what fucking mountain they cried?
Oh I got a bollocking for being in the wrong queue for sign ups!!!. I had also forgotten what the price was so I asked the cashier-------- "HOW MUCH" I said,-- 350 baht!! plus 100 baht phone card, fuck me that's 450 baht and I haven't had a beer yet. Anyway back to the run. I walked around, short cutting the hell off it with the navigational assistance from a Miserable cunt who assured me it was "this way". I say walked because I had a bad toe from Painting. Yep painting. Ok I was not concentrating and put the stool that I was painting off near the door, I stood on it and tried to stand up, I cracked my head so hard on the door frame it knocked me out for split second, I fell to the floor and the stool fell over landing right on by big toe, jesssuz it fking hurt and falling off made me feel like a cunt.
First bit of religion was Emperor Airhead, calm cool collected as you would expect from over 1000 runs. Known as the bad RA but to be honest Chicken Fucker and Sheik me me make him look Professional, or maybe he's just getting old. In fact I remember seeing Airhead on British TV in 1988, Sir Chicken Fucker saw it too. He was on Channel 4 talking about life in Thailand outside a bar called fire and Ice I think it was. It was that documentary that convinced me to move to Pattaya all those years ago--sigh.
That Sheik me me has got good hearing! I tell you, you cant even whisper and he picks up on it, "Shut the fuck up" he shouts, "shut the fuck up you fucking cunts" he's a very intelligent man and can sail a boat n stuff, he entertained us for oh must be 2-3 hours!!. I think I might take a tent and sleeping bag next week.
Then Chicken came in and did it all over again, for fucks sake!! (unzip sleeping bag). By this time it was about 3 AM and Redcoat was thumbing through his song book getting more and more nervous about doing his gig and never got in, he stood there with his mouth wide open as the Grand master called on the hares to sing us a song. Its at this point that I fool the beer police and I grab a beer for the bus. There is so many rules like you can't get a beer while the hash hymn is being sung, WHY? I don't sing it. So I grabbed a chang that they did not have, wait a minute!! there was loads of Heineken and Chang ran out? Heineken is twice the price of Chang.
Hey guys I think I got a way to save some money. And why do the beer police crack your can when your in the circle but let you take 3 or even 4 uncracked for the bus? The magic words "Its for the bus".
I didn't go to the happy hour bar, I needed some time to myself away from all those Heineken drinking cunts so I got off the bus and walked down to second road and got back on it again as it came passed the lights. yep I made myself look a little bit like a cunt there too. Anyway I'm pissed off now so that's yer lot and don't forget I run for free next week. This load of shit has cost the hash 350 baht, Ha Ha. It's took me 20 minutes so that's 1050 baht per hour, that's nearly 10,000 not bad wages for a Northerner and better than working on an oil rig with a septic on it.
On On
Fowl Fucker