The hares Vivi and Pussy Snatcher put together a great run for both the fit and not so fit with the option of a short or long run. Both were very well laid and enjoyed by all. The terrain was a bit of everything with tall grass, water hazards, hills, trenches and of course with Vivi as a hare, plenty of water as well. This was helped by a torrential downpour an hour before the run. The short runners were back at the A site in just over 30 minutes and the long runners led by Mudcracker in just over an hour.
After the run Uncle Pervy hosted some VIP’s at his own home-brew beer truck. They included Airhead, Seaman Stains, Hellboy, Teeny Weeny, KAM, Miserable Cunt, Piss Poorer and yours truly. The beer was great, the conversation lively and all the problems of the world were solved. Can’t you tell today is better because of our efforts?
The circle was a late start because of a casualty on the run. This led to a double down down for the Hash Hero Rasputin. He had helped Ringworm after his leg was pierced by some stray tapioca. Good man. Who ever said Hashers have a motto “better him than me”?
The GM nominates some Beer Police that must have been trained by the SS in WWII ! They took to the job with an enthusiasm not seen since the invasion of Poland!
While we are talking about the Germans, I have to say that Bottomless Pit is zeee best Brewmaster in zeee whole fucking world. Sank you very much Bottomless.
Hares on the ice to cop their medicine. It was agreed that it was a “dirty run”. Described by GI Joe as “Excellent; just too short”…. He was joking. 3 Dogs said “Brilliant”.
Seaman Swallow starts the raffle by welcoming Sheik Meme with a seat on the ice. As the scribe, I give my tickets to Strawberry Flavoured Condom and she wins 2nd prize with them. As usual Seaman Swallow commands the raffle like a German…. Precise and NO shit. She is big on Hash Hush.
Airhead takes to the circle by icing the hares and calling Miserable Cunt a Handsome Hasher. Airhead asks the hares how long it took them to build the road to the A site because normally they find an A site near a road but these two found the A site and then built the road! The privacy of the A site was nominated as one of the best aspects of the run… we could all make nuisances of ourselves away from the public gaze. Congratulations to the Hares again. Airhead then ices Dirty Harry and his lady for her naming and for Dirty Harry being in the “pornstar” business. As a result of his dubious interests, his lady is finally named “Tiger Porn”. KAM and Au on the ice for her naming. As KAM uses her for his shooting practice, she is named “Shooting Star”. Virgins and sponsors in the circle. They are Thai but Meme reckoned that they looked like Singaporean lawyers!!! Dirty Harry in the bucket but somehow as we looked away he snuck out of the bucket and circle like Harry Houdini! I’ve never seen that before but not to worry, the GM had him back in the bucket for punishment later. The PNG boys in the circle as visitors and for a down down.
Ferry Queen is pissed again and asks me if I know how to spell? He really is annoying sometimes but not nearly as annoying as Baby Huey who keeps pestering me with all the boring heroic stories of him and Torpedo Tits saving Ringworm’s life earlier on the trail. I said to him if he didn’t stop talking to me, then all I would write about him was that he was really starting to piss me off!!!
KAM in the bucket for being a Lying Leaver AGAIN! He comes here about 4 times a year and still forgets to nominate himself at sign up as a Leaver, so I feel compelled to remind the GM that he is a Lying Leaver and a fucking idiot to boot. I feel so happy when KAM is in the bucket. It reminds me that all is ok with the world… I don’t think he feels the same way but he is usually so pissed that he forgets it by the next morning anyway.
Time for an Ad break with Teeny Weeny advertising his Saturday night Full Moon Run and Spaghetti Head reminding us of the Monkey Run and its motto “Can’t do… Don’t do” The question I have for Spag Head is why do you do then???
Dirty Harry back to the bucket for his earlier escape.
Fini the Faggot and Ferry Queen have last week’s Hash Shit removed.
Virgins On In again to be complimented on running the long trail. Great effort.
Meme ices the GM for a false accusation against a Hasher who was wearing a hash shirt. It was a hash shirt even though it didn’t look like one. The GM was none too pleased.
More stories about Ringworm and the Tapioca and the reference to Lone Wolf as remembering similar events in the Vietnam War, the Korean War and World War II… He probably has vague recollections of WWI as well !
Captain Kangaroo (me) was eventually iced by Meme just because he didn’t want me to feel left out…. How kind of you Sheik Meme. It actually cooled me down nicely because my pen was running HOT.
Tiger Porn picked up for not wearing a hash shirt so Dirty Harry back in the bucket. He spent so much time there that I think he wants to buy it as his own plunge pool for his Condo. He was told to buy her a hash shirt from “His Largeness” Free Willy or there would be more punishment to come.
The Hares were asked to sing us a song. As they obviously can’t sing for shit and have very few talents other than laying a great run, they were saved by Bam Bam who CAN actually sing. Another great Bam Bam song to add some class to the evening. KAM again has to be put in the bucket during the song for being out of control. He is told by Bam Bam a million times to Shut Up and all he can say is “No… You Shut Up”. It was very funny but did remind me a little of those old Kindergarten fights we used to have.
The Hash hymn is always a solemn occasion except when KAM decides that his bladder being emptied is more important than paying respect. All that icey cold water must have made him want to go “wee wee” like when he was at Kindergarten.
The highlights were the punishment delivered to KAM and Dirty Harry, the hilarity of the circle, the performances of all the participants and did I mention the run???
Another fantastic day had by all.
I love the Monday Hash.
On On to Classroom 2 where fried chicken and rice were devoured by some very hungry hashers.
See you next week before returning to OZ again to work for just long enough to pay for my next visit.
ON ON
CAPTAIN KANGAROO