What a great way to start the new PH3 hashing year – a new a-site, a new team of hares, STEPTOE and ROBBING BASTARD and a large group of returners and visitors. What did you think of the long and short runs? The long trail for real runners/racers and a strong shorter trail for the fitness minded who run and walk for exercise and enjoyment! How about the water and mud finish where everyone could observe the nimble afoot, who could be seen, attempting not to fall in the water or get their new shoes muddy! All bets were on KING YAO YAO to be the first to take the dive but, his long legs, flexible aging body, and pure dumb luck prevented him from falling in!
STEPTOE and ROBBING BASTARD devised a very unique way to keep runners moving along the trail quickly – Bee’s! VASELINE THIGHS and SMELLY BASTARD were the first to encounter the bee’s as they raced to the front of the pack at the start. Other, much wiser runners – once alerted to the stinging varmints’– vacated the papered trail in every direction possible. Talk about setting “a perfect star check” the hares could not have set a better one!
SIR MC, VASELINE THIGHS, SMELLY BASTARD among others looked like they had gone ten rounds with boxing great Floyd Patterson! They had lumps, bumps, swollen eyes, and numerous stings from their head to their toes and into other body parts you couldn’t even imagine!
The attack of the bees was not enough to sway SCAR w2T’s or EMPERIOR AIRHEAD into giving the hares anything but a unanimous vote of “great run”! This was accompanied with a loud round of applause from all hashers! The weekly raffle was held by BOTTOMLESS PIT assisted by his short assistant SQUEEZE MY TUBE. Congratulations, to all the winners and a sincere “thank you” to everyone who supports the weekly raffle. EMPERIOR AIRHEAD iced the hare’s and thanked them for their hard work! His next task was a difficult venture into the realm of the “virgins”! A very large Norwegian who closely resembled KARAMBA and battled the EMPERIOR to a verbal standoff was welcomed into the world of Pattaya hashing by our “world renowned EMPERIOR AIRHEAD”.
Our co-GM, WANKING’S WANKER presented this week’s individual awards to: SCAR w2T’s (5 hare cap), RATSO-EEL-SNIFFER (100 run shirt), PELER and EMPTY SPERMBANK (200 run shirts). SIR MC presented EMPERIOR AIRHEAD his very own “new” motorbike which he requested for his 1200thrun award! Drive safely! Well done Tom! Today’s beer police were iced and thanked for their “volunteering” for that esteemed position! Returner’s and leaver’s, (hurry back) along with a “hash crash” expectant father (yes you BALL RINGER) were presented down-downs.
Before I forget, I need to thank V.V. for continuing to provide food, at a reasonable cost, for those runners who require substantial nourishment after their vigorous running workout. And then there’s TAMPAX – for without his weekly multi-array of lights we would all be just like mushrooms “sitting in the dark and eating s—t”! Guys, your efforts are greatly appreciated by your fellow hashers.
Numerous other circle events occurred, at this point and time of the evening, which my “old feeble alcoholic” brain cannot remember nor does it even have a clue about! Pardon my lapse of memory! I, of course, do remember B.B. taking the circle; last down-down being consumed; and the Hash Hymn being sung! My final recall was that of Mrs. Head tossing me into the car, driving me home, and tossing me into bed – shouting “and to all a “Good Night”! See everyone next week!
**ROBBING BASTARD has just resigned as the local bee keeper and trainer. He stated, “The hardest task that he was assigned to do, by his co-hare STEPTOE, was to train the bees to attack on command”. Strong rumor has it that the Hash Bus along with its illustrious driver Johnny Tra-La-La may return within one or two more weeks! Thanks to all who have graciously rolled with the baht busses during this hectic period! A special thanks to SQUEEZE MY TUBE for all of her help arranging “short notice” transportation.
On-On! Sir Spaghetti Head