Well here we are again at Wat Khow Din (Temple of Sand Mountain), a well worn A Site normally used for special runs, this time our New Years Run. The hares have to be complimented because the route we took was unknown to everyone and turned into a very good run, lots of tapioca, pineapples, stampeding cattle, dogs, gullys and mudholes so deep people were losing their shoes. Two fit virgins and 5 or 6 of their young Norwegian friends took the Walkers route along with the aged, fat, and infirm hashers, but Oh well, I guess they were saving their stamina for the evening boom boom festivities at the Tahitian Queen Hash Bar. Bottomless Pit and Phoney Cunt won free drinks at some bar for finding secret paper on the trail left by the hares.
Attendees included The Pope (you didn't leave me your phone number) who hasn't been seen for years since he started building his mansion (welcome back) and Urangutech from Angeles Hash (even he doesn't know what his hash name means). Big Lungs and Knob Marley leaving to England after a month in paradise, we'll miss you guys, hurry back. Flying Finn, as usual, passing out drams of Chivas Regal to all takers till warned that the Thai police were setting up breathalyzer roadblocks in town. Lying Leavers VV and his brother Zenergy not iced for lying but made up for it later. Read on.
Only one of our 5 lovely Filipina hashers showed up, Menstrual Disorder, so us perves had only her to admire while running behind her for 8 Km. Turns out it's her 23rd birthday so she and Mental Disorder were iced and appropriately down downed. Odd Job wasn't there but sent his virgin Kettle (his real name), apparently Odd Job was washing dishes in some restaurant in Jomtien having a New Year's party. Kettle also won a raffle prize on his first try, I've been buying tickets from the raffle mafia for 5 years and have yet to win. Penicillin and Clit from Norway got roped into being Beer Police, good choices because I don't think either one of them drink. Lets make them permanent! Official HASH announcement, Ballringer and Bell End are preparing to reproduce a minihasher, congratulations to them, time to start thinking about a hash name?
Emperor Airhead performed his usual entertaining Religious Advisor duties, thanking the hares for a good run, icing all and sundry, and was then rewarded with a down down for attending his 1200th run. Apparently he would rather have had a new motorcycle but in these tough times the PH3 can't even afford new pedals for the one he has. On On Emperor! Of course it's New Years in Thailand and every year the locals attempt to blow up themselves and everyone else with their fireworks which we civilized folk abstain from, avoid, disdain and generally look down on. Well apparently even the PH3 has it's party animals,
Steptoe and Tampax, normally two very responsible hashers but apparently with a dark side who brought their own fireworks AND what's worse, their own matches. Luckily they could only afford children fireworks that just blow off your hand instead of the normal ones which leave craters in the ground and we and our vehicles all survived. Well after the Scotch on the Rocks run 3 weeks ago where we were evicted not once but twice from Army land by the Thai Army (less said about that the better), the hares came back the next day to collect 8 borrowed HHH signs, to find that, so they thought, 7 had been stolen by the Thai Army. At great expense, much discussion, great quantities of Scotch Whisky, General Kidney Wiper had his daughter make 7 new signs to return to the loaners, only to find out while on ice in the circle, that actually a hasher had removed the signs and Lo and Behold, there they were. The General, a wee bit perturbed at this news blew up louder and brighter than Steptoe and Tampax's fireworks, was given control of the circle and proceeded to interrogate all likely suspects, filling the ice and bucket with innocent victims wanting to know who the @#$% stole his #$%^ signs and when he finds out the #$%^ signs will be stuffed up that persons $%#@. Waterboarding was suggested but the General wouldn't stoop that low because it's an American thing. Remember the Lying Leavers VV and Zenergy? Unfortunately for them they ended up in the bucket for over ½ an hour and not speaking Scottish English, didn't have a clue why.
Yours Truly was iced and double down downed for suggesting that a fellow hasher might have actually been trying to help out the General and his fellow hare Really Sadistic Bastard by collecting the signs for them. Eventually, after numerous Chang beers, The General forgot why he was in the circle and faded away, to be replaced by the Hares song in Norwegian, sung lustily by Miserable Cunt and Scar and dozens of Norwegians, then the Hash Hymn and off to our songtails and on to the TQ for happy hour. We returned home tired but happy.
On-On! Kee Mah