Another hash Monday and another fk up!
About every 5 years some enthusiastic novice hares have a wonderful idea to lay a run around Lake Phrachan. The pundits in 2014 were the ever so wacked GANGREEN & the organically wacked NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER.
There was talk of a seventeen kilometre journey by the should be wacked FESTERING STREAKER, who claimed that the circumnavigation of the said Lake Phrachan on the mountain bike proved this phenomena to be in fact correct. Upon that news, and the credibility of FESTERING STREAKER bullshit, we lost half the fleet to retirement, about four kilometres into the run.
The trail was however scenic, with water views to the starboard at all times and a B grade soccer game half way through the trail to entertain the bewildered ones contemplating returning to the A site the same way they had just come.
There was a spectacular fall on trail by the CHEAPER THAN MEME chap and he was surrounded by the only three woman on the PH3, dusting him down and nurturing his ego.
Back at the A-site, SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT was telling war stories that related to his grandmothers memories of the Russians shooting train loads of German children, although no one outside of NO MORE CUM was listening and he was first to join SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT’S “we hate Putin Club” with eager anticipation of revenge. Those Germans never forget!
At about this time the strong and courageous, who completed the run, came trickling in. PISS POORER and NO KNICKERS on the back of a motor bike was a nice touch. HELIX moaning of the injustice and the regrets he had not turned back when he had the opportunity!
The raffle was a laugh! Soo many prizes, so many people, so fkn long to complete I was ready for the hash hymn! SIR FREE WILLY had donated some bespoke ales and was reminded by the Raffle Master, SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT, that he can explain the origins of the booze when he gets the circle again, in five years time! It was noted that STUPID KRAUT KUNT won the clock to the mantra of “timing, timing, timing”!
EMPEROR AIRHEAD does his ever so short stint and begins messing with CAPTAIN KANGAROO and discovers that a Cockpit is not a word utilised in the aviation industry due to its double syllable connotations (cock pit) and the term used now is “flight deck”. WANK-KING’S WANKER was tortured for being involved in an escapade with a larger lass who has been seen in Oslo and her jeans that were left behind could swim on VELCRO DICK. None the less, WANK-KING’S WANKER held true to the awfully fragile denial routine. The Port Moresby Mob were left wondering why they ever left Thailand, having so much fun at the expense of 3 DOGS new bride as we discovered that he and DEEP THROAT conjured up this story and convinced 3 DOGS bride that this is how they celebrate honeymoons in Norway or some other eastern European place, that the groom goes away on vacation with three of his best mates, and she brought it! Brilliant!
The returners was a hash within a hash! There were so many that they had their own short circle within the circle. Always great to see so many good faces.
PISS POORER gets his ten hare hat. Someone else got an award, but I missed that while reaching for a beer.
SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT did spoil me with some French vino, which would have gone splendidly with an eye fillet, however, was found lacking with beer and chips!
SCAR WITH 2 T’S, the winter Grand Master, scolded KATOY MAGNET for his Houdini escape from Kristiansen in the ever so overrated, never to be a tax haven, Norway. KATOY MAGNET, with no intention of ceasing masturbation and leaving his drool existence, was found at the airport with a boarding pass to Pattaya within an hour of his most previous self gratification exercise! Another partner in crime and the real Houdini of Norway, with more frequent flyer miles than Richard Branson, the ever changing SUPERVIRGIN! This guy is a Tailor’s dream!
While on the subject of the Katoy family, the never changing and larger than life KATOY ANAL MASTURBATOR was not let off the hook. After years of study, he has suggested to SHEIK MEME that using words like fk, sht and cnt, while undertaking the honourable duties of an RA, should be kept to a minimum to enhance his pleasure, thereby suggesting that SHEIK MEME swears too much. KATOY ANAL MASTURBATOR had a chance to sit in the bucket while and until the said Religious Adviser did in actual fact swear. Much to offend his indignant shortcomings, KATOY ANAL MASTURBATOR was returned to the bucket a second time to live out his sentence and observe SHEIK MEME undertake the RA duties without swearing.
STUPID KRAUT KUNT, SUPER VIRGIN and VELCRO DICK were iced without mention, to do with secret men’s business.
NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER, for the record, mowed down two children with his vehicle while on his way to the hash. Not one, but two! How unlucky is that! He is now discovering how extortion operates in Thailand! After paying the hefty departure tax on his former permanent flange, he now finds in his discretionary budget the resources to pay off both children’s extend family’s and supplement the village coffers in their forward estimates, without the police being involved. TIT!
The cattle truck ride both ways was a torture!
Back at Jamison’s, there were so many hashers that the regular customers did not order another drink! It was rowdy and boisterous and a bunch of fun! Twas one of the best nights at Jameson’s I have experienced with the PH3. The only let down was a bin not being paid and a verbal scuffle between NO KNICKERS, possibly coming off a cycle and the waitress who was definitely well in her cycle! Was great to watch! Nonetheless, it was over “ugly man with bald head, white shirt, big mouth and black necklace”, yes that’s right CAPTAIN KANGAROO! When challenged before the TQ, the hapless KANGAROO’S response was “I didn’t think I had a bin”. What the fk!
Well there it was, you had to be there!
Oh, I almost forgot, SIR SPAGETTI HEAD’S famous comment to the scribe; “every good organisation has a cunt and I am it”
If I have forgotten to mention your memorable antics on the PH3, I apologise, if I have offended you in this weeks scribe report, stiff shit!
Till next time………
On-On! Sheik Meme