Most people know that the 4th of July is the Independence Day of the USA. No wonder, on this Monday the American Independence Day Run took place.
Of course, all Hares on that day had to be fellow Americans. So I thought myself, “What and how will they fuck-up something on that one-of-a-kind run?”
For most of the runners providing own transportation the trouble starts in the afternoon, when they were on the way to the A-Site. The reason was simple: The map on the web site and the given description were wrong, leading to a nice, but wrong A-Site !
For me the fuck-up starts already at 1:06 p.m., when I got a call from SIR FREE WILLY.
I’m not a native English speaker. Thinking of SIR FREE WILLY’s way of talking, you can easily imagine that I only got around 30% of what he was trying to tell me. So I asked him, “Wait a minute. You are trying to tell me, that the map is correct, but the GPS coordinates are wrong?”. He replied, “No, it’s the other way round.” Easy for me to take the allegedly correct GPS coordinates and put them in my car navigation system…
Arriving at the wrong A-Site (which probably many others did) and realizing that nobody is there, I thought it my be a good idea to call somebody with a brain. So I decided to call the Best Brewmaster in the World, SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT. Unfortunately he was dealing with the same problem (must have been at the wrong A-Site minutes before me).
Nevertheless, in the end we made it to the right A-Site !
Unfortunately the A-Site was covered completely by rubbish. Why didn’t the hares clean up the mess? SUZY WONG and KARAMBA stepped in and carried out the job in an excellent way!
As an excuse for the Hares, I have to mention the entertaining setup that day: a big American flag and balloons were provided – and free hot dogs ! The Hares were also wearing Uncle-Sam-Hats. So we felt like attending an Independence Day party right in the heart of the U.S. Well done, Hares!
The 1st circle starts and after some new shoes and and some hare raising business, the Hares explained about the run – and off we went. The run itself was well papered. I couldn’t say anymore about the run because since I’m a walker, SUZY WONG and myself decided to go back to the A-Site when we came to a hill.
Being back that early, we’ve witnessed the next fuck-up by the Hares: after unpacking and heating the sausages for the hot dogs (for me it seems like they’re boiling them), they found out that every single sausage is separately wrapped in plastic. It looks like a condom. Yes, in Thailand you never can be too protective!
The condoms were too much for the Hares, so they handed over the food-preparing-job to the ladies.
After the FRB’s came in, we started to eat the hot dogs. Guess what: they were absolutely tasty (well done, hares!). No wonder: Beside mustard and ketchup the hares offered also German Sauerkraut as a garnish.
The 2nd circle starts and since our beloved GM WANK-KING’S WANKER was a Hare on this day, he immediately turned over the circle to GANGREEN. This caused some job rotation, since GANGREEN is normally the Hash Flash. But he turned over his camera to SUZY WONG, so everything was sorted out.
While GANGREEN iced the Hares, I’ve learned from the runners that the run itself was excellent.
The Raffle Master SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT conducted the Raffle, winners today: SUZY WONG, Amanda Nilsen, LADY BOW WOW, GANGREEN, Nicole Nilsen, Annie Nangtharach, CABBAGE PRINCESS, Linda Ellingsen and MASTER CHEF.
Despite being a Hare, EMPEROR AIRHEAD gets the circle and guess what: he iced the remaining Hares! While the Hares were on the ice, he explained about the hot dog history.
We got also some information why the map was wrong (still very strange to me since one of the hares is also the Web Master).
When asking “How many people are not here because of the map?”, there were no hands up. No wonder, since real hashers know how to deal with such a situation and everybody made it to the A-Site in the end.
All other Americans were iced for not being a Hare.
Then the EMPEROR AIRHEAD put the Germans (SIR BOTTOMLESS PIT and myself) on the ice and asked politely for our opinion about the day.
WANK-KING’S WANKER took the circle and SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD was awarded for completing 750 runs.
Another hare, G.I. JOE, took the circle and called E.T. and WANK-KING’S WANKER on the ice. In the following very entertaining minutes we’ve learned a lot about exemplary communication between hares (LMFAO!). The headline was that E.T., who came up with the initial idea for the Independence Day Run, started only 6 days before the run to communicate with G.I. JOE - assuming G.I. JOE has everything under control (E.T. doesn’t know anything about the A-Site, who’s the Web Master and so on) and insisting constantly, that he is willing to do at least something.
After being invited by G.I. JOE to help laying paper, it turned out that E.T. is only coming with the bus from Bangkok on the run day.
So if you ever plan to be a hare, try always to communicate timely and precise and share all available information about the run between all hares in an early stage - like these ones were obviously not doing.
I’ve got the circle to nominate next week’s Scribe. Since this comes along with ice power, I called SIR FREE WILLY on the ice because of my odyssey with the GPS coordinates mentioned above.
While interrogating him, he claimed that LINEAR ACCELERATOR told him on the phone, that the GPS coordinates were correct. So I called also LINEAR ACCELERATOR on the ice. He claimed that the coordinates are correct in a way that they match with the (wrong) map. WANK-KING’S WANKER was iced because he was a Hare and put the wrong map on the website. I also wanted to have an in innocent person on the ice. And who is always more innocent than SHEIK MEME?
I left the decision about next week’s Scribe up to the circle. So SHEIK MEME got the job.
SHEIK MEME got the circle and iced TAMPAX, FESTERING STREAKER (for getting lost on the run), the Hares, LONE WOLF, KARAMBA (the human vegetable) and SIR RSB.
The hares song (lead by E.T.) was pretty short.
Because E.T. opened unnecessarily another beer bottle, we’ve got a lot of people leading us in the Hash Hymn.
Most hashers grabbed one for the road and that was it.~
On-On! Hulk