The only other time I wrote a run report, it was for another Hash, and it turned out to be the last run that Hash ever did. I never did get published. Here is hoping for a better result this time around.
This is hard for me as I treat the weekly Hash Sheets the way I used to treat copies of Playboy Magazine, I only looked at the pictures. Now this task has forced me to go back and read some old Hash Sheets. There are some erudite folks writing for the Hash, but not all, and not this week.
The A-site was a quiet roadside location with minimal traffic. Still SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD watched out for oblivious Hashers telling folks to GET OFF THE ROAD as traffic approached.
MENTAL called the circle and new shoes were called in, DOESN'T COME ENOUGH, another lady and some guy with no boyfriend all drank a beer from their new shoes.
MUD CRACKER then sent us off on the run. It was a hot dry day and the hares thoughtfully supplied us with shade aplenty. I ran along with GREYHOUND for a while until he turned into a false trail never to return (He still beat me back to the A-site). Next I dropped in behind MARATHON MAN and the gaseous BALL RINGER (a good safe distance behind)! The middle portion of the run was best suited for little people or high hurdlers and MARATHON MAN thoughtfully went ahead to get his legs snagged in the thorns. I found myself walking with a new group of people for the last and easiest portion of the Hash, still I was happy to see the On-In and later You Did It written in blue paint.
Soon enough the circle was called and SIR FREE WILLY ran the Raffle (he has to run something). Budding criminologist Alicia Ward won the first draw and got first choice of the goodies. Other Hashers won salmon, booze, a t-shirt etc. DOESN'T COME ENOUGH lucked in with the wine cooler. There was a little confusion at the end of the Raffle, did SIR FREE WILLY want a ninth draw when there were only eight prizes. I don't know, I was confused myself.
The circle starts in earnest and right away the noisy ones SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD and DEEPSHIT are put in the bucket. The hares SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC and MUD CRACKER are judged to have set a good run.
Next up we have DOUBLE DICKHEAD with a 20 year old Hash shirt and his son, SHITHEAD. Some people just hang on to all their Hash t-shirts forever.
The most exciting tale of the day involved a snake. That magnificent front runner DEL BOY encountered a big snake on the trail and leapt it in a single bound. At the other end of the spectrum I heard that VIETNAMESE VIOLATOR tripped over a twig, pitched forward and ROLLED LIKE A FOOTBALL. He got up with help slowly favouring a knee. I am just glad those two runners were not in the others shoes. DEL BOY would not have a problem leaping over a twig but if VV was rolling toward a snake his only chance would have been to headbutt the creature.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD had the circle for the naming of a couple of hashers, a Bosnian Herzegovinan and an over eager Slovenian. The EMPEROR had a little trouble sounding out Herzegovinia but eventually did come up with HURTS HER VAGINA. 100 years ago he could have been processing immigrants at Ellis Island. Welcome to America Mr. Hurtshervagina, I hope you prosper and have many little Hurtshervaginas. The Slovenian had to wait a little longer to be named but eventually was tagged as SPEEDY GONORRHEA. Well worth the wait... and can a Speedy Chlamydia be far behind, it is just a matter of time.
Family time came next, a mother and son from Norway. The mom, Ann didn't quite know what she was in for on a Hash as she was a virgin and the son had neglected to outfit her in a Hash shirt. Son Haakon gave the mom the shirt off his back and cooled off in the bucket. Mom provocatively tried on her sons t-shirt a couple of ways.... backwards and then frontwards. I was sorry that she never tried it on inside out.
It later came out that Ann was using the Hash to find a man and complete her little family but it was decided that she needed a little Hash Help in that regard as the phone # that she had collected did not represent the best and brightest of the Hash. The magnificent DEL BOY was called into the circle to be a possible mate for Ann and a father to her son, Haakon. Ready made Hash Family.
Hash milestones next, PRINCESS BUM BOY reaching the 100 Run mark in only 2 years and CRIMSON PENIS hitting the 50 Run mark in just 26 years. Hare SIR ARSE-A-HOLIC received his 700 Run Survivor shirt.
Right back on the ice for PRINCESS BUM BOY to celebrate his birthday along with birthday girl SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE.
LONE WOLF took the circle next and handed out well deserved awards to KATOY ANAL MASTURBATOR and PISS POORER, for giving back to the community. KATOY ANAL MASTURBATOR did give a little speech and got a little maudlin about the whole thing but did then have the good sense to let his voice trail off and leave the circle.
Next up, the talkative SEAL SUCKER was finally directed to the ice and his countryman BANANAS joined him. It was a well deserved icing.
By this time the day had run its course, MENTAL DISORDER, SIR FREE WILLY, EMPEROR AIRHEAD, WANK-KING'S WANKER and LONE WOLF all had had their time in the circle entertaining us all. It was time to let BALL RINGER and BEN 10 to lead us in the Hash Hymn.
On-On! Frequent Streaker