An incident free journey on the buses saw us arrive at the A-site which was familiar to us all as it was only four runs ago that we were last here. Nonetheless a good A-site somewhat marred by the proliferation of cattle dung, however no one seemed to care and nobody let it stop them having a good time. My shoes were unaffected... I think.
Sign ups went smoothly, all 110 of them and whilst they were still underway, the hares silently slipped away to lay the trail for this Live Hare event. They had been promised at least twenty minutes head start on the pack but MENTAL seemed to be determined to cut this down to a minimum by calling the first circle early and getting the runners away early too. Twenty minutes proved to be an ample lead for the hares (who reminded me that they were chosen specifically for their oustanding athletic prowess) as it should be... I think even ROBBING BASTARD wouldn't get caught with effectively a 2 km lead on a 7 km run.
True to form the hares arrived back at the A-site after just about an hour to be greeted joyously by the Beer Hunters who obviously had no idea what was going on as they assumed the hares were the first runners back and consequently made their first raid on the beer truck. Most of the joy was short lived as the ever diligent GM made them put the beers back until the real first runners got in. There were a few tears and tantrums but it didn't last long as ten minutes later the FRBs came into view sprinting for the A-site. The beer truck was officially opened and everyone was friends again. Phew.
MENTAL called the 2nd circle to order a while later and began proceedings in the normal manner by icing the hares while he elicited views on the trail from the runners and walkers. Everyone seemed more than happy with the run and the hares were commended on a job well done. UNSTABLE LOAD was called on for a note to release the hares from the ice but unbelievably still doesn't know the words of our most often used song and so he just burbled and blah blahed on accompanied in some way by the other equally musically inept Belgians, who despite frequent encouragement and regular attendance for over a year can't seem to remember those half a dozen lines. Luckily for them, the Belgians excel in other areas.
SIR FREE WILLY conducted the Raffle with 11 prizes some of which had been donated by hashers and the winners all had their photos taken with their winnings. ARSE BANDIT won a pair of handcuffs... what sort of a Raffle (other than a hash) would have handcuffs as a prize amongst the bottles of booze and tins of biscuits...
Next up MENTAL ices NO MORE CUM for sloppy work whilst renovating his condo. For two consecutive days his contractors have been using spray paint in the condo with the door open resulting in a now partially decorated corridor. His neighbours are not happy but NMC was unfazed.
The hares were called to the ice again, this time by EMPEROR AIRHEAD who gave us all a short lesson on the history of hash and the different versions of Live Haring. It turns out that the hares had put some of their checks/back checks in place prior to the run (can't blame them for that) so disqualifies this event from being a true live hare instead qualifying as a Moderated live hare. I don't think anyone really cares but SEAL SUCKER is calling out for a lawyer from his icy seat.
Exercising his immense experience EA manages to whip the circle to new heights of excitement by getting ready for a christening (I love a good christening). Tony, a very fit Norwegian tells us he's a good runner as he's spent a lot of time running away from people (there's a lot of other people like that in Pattaya but very few of them are athletic). Various lame names are suggested for Tony, based on his running ability, before the shout-o-meter finally settles on DIARRHOEA (a loose connection with running....) and Tony gets a bottle of water over his head to complete the ceremony.
WINDOW WANKER is then iced as he was unfortunate enough to have rented a condo for his 2 month stay here, that was cleaned out by the previous tenants. Furniture, mattresses, pictures from the walls, light bulbs and even some plumbing from the bathroom had been taken leaving him with a very spacious, empty condo....he still had the lovely ocean view though, and after 3 days the condo had been reappointed to an acceptable level, so everyone's happy, including me, as I'm the one that organised the rental for him...
NMC took over the circle and iced UNSTABLE LOAD; we were treated to a story of UL sleepwalking in unfamiliar surroundings and waking up in a room that he didn't know. Trying to get back to his room he opened another room (not his) to be confronted by a couple in bed. Eventually he found his own room which he recognised by his clothes on the floor and went back to catch up on the rest of his beauty sleep. Oh yeah, he was naked while all this happened.
Next to the ice was PHANTOM and LONE WOLF who seem to go out to eat together; this has resulted in disagreements over whose food was whose, and in all these situations there are winners and losers. Someone got one and a half meals and someone got only a half. I'll let you work out who had the lions share. SIMONE EBOLA was put in the bucket for trying to set light to his finger instead of a cigarette. I guess that's a lesson you only learn once.
Hash Trash awards went to yours truly and my co hares, ARSE BANDIT and DIRT LOONEY for leaving a HHH sign at an A-site 3 months ago. DLs overall appearance was enhanced by the straw hat and tin cans whilst AB was presented with the toilet seat and spent the rest of the evening practicing his gurning (he's a natural, by the way). I got to wear the offending HHH sign until the end of the evening, when I left it at the A-site again.
A somewhat subdued WANK-KING'S WANKER then presented awards; PINK DOLPHIN - 50 runs Polo Shirt, DIRT DIGGER 100 Runs, ARSE VAN HOLE and RAT VON KIEL - 5 Hared Runs Caps and ultimately SFW and SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD for 750 Runs each. Well done to all.
The tempo of the evening was given a kick up the arse by the arrival of RA, SCAR W/2T'S who bellowed out for hash hush (as he is accustomed to doing) and fearsome as he is, managed to obtain near silence. But as quickly as he had controlled the circle did he lose control by calling for the 'wirgins' to come to the ice. Gentle giggles were heard and SCAR responded by stating that's how we speak English in Norway... things only got worse when he dismissed the wirgins and called for 'wisitors' ("Are you laughing at me centurion?" Thoroughly wisible.) Micheal Palin and Elmer Fudd got a run for their money tonight... where's that wascally wabbit, welease wobert etc etc.
However he carried on and put BOB-A-GOB on the ice for putting his slender girlfriend on a sugar free diet leading to a discussion on what she could eat as an alternative, obviously the conversation turned to cock and she said she didn't get enough of that. Get your act together BOB-A-GOB.
SPERM POLLUTER took the circle for long enough to celebrate his daughter's, BLACK DIAMOND, upcoming 13th birthday with us all. We all sang Happy Birthday (the polite version) and she recieved a cake from Mum, CASPER. Great.
HARBOUR WHORE had been snitching to the GM about someone not wearing a hash shirt, namely AXEL GREASE but when confronted it was apparent that her shirt was indeed a hash shirt just not one that HARBOUR WHORE recognised. He was punished appropriately (snitches get stitches wasn't applied this time) and from the reaction of his fellow Belgians seemed like he had been set up by his countrymen.
The final RA of the night was LORD CHICKEN FUCKER who entertained us with stories of bumble bees getting stuck up a vagina, lambasted the hares for the dusty roads he had to bring his recently cleaned car down, explored the possibility that MENTAL and NMC could be on the first tentative steps towards a gay relationship (MENTAL did have his tongue in NMCs ear at the time), likened PENELOPE PITSTOP's hair to black candy floss and also recounted the sad passing of Bertie, BARNACLE BOLLOX's faithful Bull Terrier. All wonderfully entertaining.
BB was back in the circle to sing a song on behalf of the hares, he promised us a rude army song and he didn't disappoint, many joining in with the chorus. And with that the proceedings were brought to their usual end with BEN 10 leading the Hash Hymn, not so ably supported by the non musical Belgians.
The buses headed back into town and we were dropped off at a new On-On Bar, I-Rovers, where we were looked after well.
Great.
As the GM would say.
On-On! The Wizard