Just back in the Land of Smiles one week and first Pattaya Hash of the year, when I’m asked to be Scribe. Well, that’s the least I could do as I’m not here often and I don’t hare. It’s one of my favourite hashes of the year too, The Betty Boop Run. It’s always fun to see the guys cross dressing although some are not game to wear their gear getting to the hash but dress up once at the site. Not so WANK-KING'S WANKER who walked through town in his grey dress he has worn for at least the last three years but this year he improved his look with the addition of a long black curly wig instead of the usual yellow one.
The A-site was particularly good this year and is also one of SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD's favourite watering holes, Mickey’s Aussie Bar and Restaurant in Bang Saray. We were entertained by two giant flesh eating fish in the bar’s pond and served cold drinks by Mickey, and Angus, otherwise known as DOG'S BALLS, the Australian owner.
The hares today were two females, as is traditional for a Betty Boop Run, MRS HEAD and BLACK HOLE. There was a walkers’ trail and a runners’ trail of about 8 km. I was happy to do the walkers’ trail which was only 1.75 km and was a pleasant relief after the water bath and slippery muddy slopes of the Jungle Hash and was made even more pleasant by the company of BURL IVES and BOB-A-GOB. The walkers arrived back early and availed themselves of the refreshments in the bar until the runners returned.
There was plenty of time for socialising until the GM THE WIZARD called the circle and put the hares on the ice and told us that the first Betty Boop Run was twenty years ago in 1998 when EMPEROR AIRHEAD was wearing the same dress. Well at least this year it was improvement on the lilac one he wore last year with most of his hairy back exposed. The cherry red ball gown looks suspiciously like the one GANGREEN wore last year. GANGREEN's pink jersey number needed some balloons to fill it out but he said he was going au naturel with his man boobs. Everyone agreed the run was good and everyone was happy except for ARSE BANDIT who thought there were too many dogs on the walk. Well done hares.
SIR FREE WILLY took the circle for the Raffle and as usual there were lots of winners with the usual sort of prizes which don’t seem to have improved while I have been absent. LADY FLIPPER took the donuts even though FREE WILLY had said I hope they don’t make you sick. The most interesting prize was a big toy giraffe that a young Belgian virgin took.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD took the circle and iced the hares again and asked MRS HEAD how many times she had been hare for the Betty Boop but she is well trained and said she didn’t remember. He then iced Angus and Mickey.
Then it was the competition for best dressed female, or should it be male? There was a good line up of motley looking females and we were asked to vote by yelling our approval but everyone was voting more than once. EMPEROR AIRHEAD eventually eliminated several leaving SHE'S THE BOSS, HARBOUR WHORE, WANK-KING'S WANKER, SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD, CANONBALL and DIRT LOONEY. The winners were SIR REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD posing as Nurse Nelly and offering internal examinations to anyone who was silly enough and HARBOUR WHORE who made a very pretty woman who could have earned a few hundred Baht at 2am down Beach Rd.
There was only one contender for the best dressed male but two prizes so Mickey joined LOST CAUSE to win a bottle of something.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD put the Belgians on the ice and said they had opened a driving school but they are not a good advertisement for their school as ARSE VAN HOLE had an accident on his motorcycle going home one night and called UNSTABLE LOAD to help him which he did, then crashed himself! The virgins were then called into the circle, two more Belgians from Antwerp and Mei from Thailand. I heard someone say they should be named TWERP ONE and TWERP TWO.
WANK-KING'S WANKER gave out the awards, both BURL IVES and MISS USE ME, for 150 runs. BLACK HOLE got the award for 10 hares and UNSTABLE LOAD was presented his 100th Run T-Shirt.
The GM took the circle again and put RAT VON KIEL and THE COUNT on the ice for not telling their visitors and virgins the rules of the hash. THE COUNT started rambling his excuses and was accused of rambling like WANK-KING'S WANKER. Then it was the GM's Wanker of the Week award and there were two contenders on ice, CRAPPER as a stand in look alike for MENTAL DISORDER and HARBOR WHORE. MENTAL has ordered patches for the 1800th run with the wrong date but it was decided to keep them anyway and make MENTAL pay the hash for them. So HARBOR WHORE got the award for trying to entice a parrot out of a tree with a banana.
BARNACLE BOLLOCKS was put on the ice. He is an old timer and was on Run number 8. He donated a horn to the hash but wanted it back so he could practice and then pass it on along with his new skills. By the sounds of the present effort it might be a long time before we see it back.
The hares were called upon to sing us a song but they chose to go on the ice and ARSE BANDIT sang for them with help from the circle for the chorus, “Why, why, why Pattaya”. BOB-A-GOB, SIMONE EBOLA and HOMEBREW helped BEN 10 to lead the Hash Hymn.
Then it was back in he Baht buses and On On to Nicky’s Bar for more beers and a meal.
On-On! Sauce for the Goose