It’s back to the familiar, well liked and well used “A” site at Monastery Hill, a nice big flat area with shade, plenty of parking and close to town. I sign up with LIBERACE and GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER, get a water from VV’s beverage truck and walk over to NIGHT RIDER's private circle also known as the Mile High Stadium.
GANGREEN and PHANTOM are seated and discussing world affairs and the price of beer, wine and pink bits. Ladies already grazing at their private buffet table but this is only a starter course. Several courses to come. Followed by beverage buffet.
Only a couple of baht buses today so a low turnout, FREE WILLY advised me that 64 or 65 signups today but it’s low season so not bad plus the big black clouds that are rolling in may have discouraged a few fair weather hashers.
THE WIZARD calls the circle and welcomes everyone to run #1788. Yada, yada, yada. Any Virgins? Two young ladies that LINEAR bought along are welcomed to the PH3. Any new shoes? Two young ladies that LINEAR bought along are wearing new shoes and new Adidas top of the range track pants with matching tops, LINEAR in for his 2 shoe down-down’s.
Hash Flash LONE WOLF taking the picture again. Beer Hunter leaders RSB and SPAGHETTI HEAD and their disciples have already gone.
Hares today are LINEAR ACCELERATOR and CANNONBALL. Paper white and green shredded also hanging paper. Run 8 km and a walk of 5 km. Paper starts over towards the new white Wat and down the hill across the road, through a work site and into the jungle for 200 metres to the first check.
GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER finds the first Check and also finds paper to the right, ON ON! Paper goes for 100m to a Back Check. WTF? A Back Check that should have been an FT? GKW pointed out after the run that he also found another Check to a Back Check that should have been an FT.
PHANTOM, JACK WOW and I did the 5 km walk in 29 minutes and 54 seconds. We must have been moving so fast that my GPS couldn’t keep up and we clocked a respectable 2.91 km.
I don’t do the full run much anymore because by the time I get back the front running bastards and walkers have eaten all of VV’s sandwiches. I do the walk and then I get a choice of Chicken Curry or Dagobert or 1 of each like yesterday. I’m also a lazy f*cker.
Circle up again, hares iced and opinions of the run/walk given. That Kiwi bastard SEAL SUCKER accused of stampeding the farmers’ cattle, BEVERLY HILLS PINK COCK and DIRT LOONEY said a good run, ANTIQUE last in but was the sweeper making sure everyone got back safely, PEDO PETE accused FRB’s like DEL BOY and DIARRHEA of not calling On On! Excellent run, well papered and everyone back before dark. Thanks hares.
FREE WILLY’s Raffle, and it’s all the cracks winning with Virgin 1 taking a bottle of bubbles, Virgin 2 takes the big tin of biscuits that will be sent back to the family in the jungle, MIA DIARRHEA gets the Sangsom, POCKET SOCKET and ANTIQUE also winners and the GM THE WIZARD gets a lovely short pink nighty that should display his nuts nicely.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD takes the circle, ices the hares and discusses the run. Cattle, dogs, more cattle, more dogs, buckets SEAL SUCKER for chasing and stampeding the cattle. He said he was only looking for a pretty one with big eyes and a lovely mouth. Almost impossible to find sheep so he’s changed to cattle. Hash Shit! SEAL SUCKER demands a lawyer, GI JOE pleads guilty for him.
SEAL SUCKER changes lawyers. JACK WOW is the new lawyer and tries to convince the jury/hashers of SS’s lack of mental capacity to commit the crime. Just one look at SEAL SUCKER and it’s obvious he has diminished mental capacity but better him than me, GUILTY as charged.
AIRHEAD explains the difference between a duck and a lawyer, you can’t shove a lawyer’s bill up his arse. I’m sure a lot of people have wanted to or tried. What’s the difference between a porcupine and a car full of lawyers? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
LINEAR iced again with his virgins now called Charlie's Angels. LINEAR explained how he got the name and that he worked on a Linear Accelerator at Stanford University and every Monday they had a scientists meeting, just like the PH3 but without the intelligent people, virgins don’t understand any of this and are not that impressed so they’re leaving with VELCRO DICK, he said I’ve got money and they were impressed.
PEDO PETE iced for not having a down down song. Make one up, say anything, “The Sun Is Bright You’re Not”? nope nothing so on the ice.
Canadians iced, just GANGREEN for the f*ck up at the F1 Grand Prix where a Canadian model waved the checkered flag one lap early. She had big tits so she was forgiven and will be back next year.
WANK-KING’S WANKER does the awards, everyone’s ready for Bertie's f*ck ups, he hasn’t written anything down, even when he does have notes he f*cks it up so what’s going to happen with no notes? GOLDEN RIVET 150 runs, GANGREEN 350 sign ups, yeh! Well done guys. Well done WANK-KING'S WANKER.
TADPOLE seen leaving the Beer Truck with a full ice bucket heading for the ladies gin and tonic circle. HARBOUR WHORE and RAT VON KIEL iced, someone forgot to bring THE WIZARD's "Wanker of the Week Award" back.
Yanks, Brits and Belgium’s in for balloon busting contest, hump your mate from behind to break the balloon? GI JOE cheats by breaking the balloon with his fingernails. Not into back door action since leaving the US military. HARBOUR WHORE regularly plays this game but without the balloon or clothes.
Hares song is done by BURL IVES as the hares are iced for no song. “My Sister Belinda She Pissed Out The Window All Over My New Sombrero”. Last down downs and Hash Hymn done. Another fine day of hashing fun and drinking.
See you next week at run #1789. Hares VV and TWO TIME, Hwy331 2km Nth of Soi Hua Yai. It’s a VV BBQ run so bring some cash and you might get a bit of his famous sausage?
On-On! Rear Gunner