Hashers arrived by various means of transport to a new A site next to the Planet FC Stadium off Siam Country Club Road. Once sign ups were completed GM THE WIZARD brought the opening circle together. I believe no virgins this week so it was on to new shoes for beer christening. Only 2 to be found CRANKY YANK and MY OLD MATE BARNACLE BOLLOX who as last week's scribe had pre declared his intentions. He did ask his Talak and young Frankie Cox to help him out but they ran off.
Next off Hares to the circle of which ARSE BANDIT was spokesperson and ANDY WOREHOLE his back up. ARSE BANDIT did not yet know his colours blue and pink and supposedly not boy or girl. THE WIZARD had to explain. It was stated no Cattle, 2 dogs, no barbed wire.
The pack was duly pointed off with as always the FRB’s racing away not calling On-On as saving their breath. They quickly found paper but in their haste to race only to screw up losing it. The FWB being more observant followed the paper with the result the runners short cut through Tapioca to gain the lead. Runners and walkers continued along dusty roads avoiding incoming Big Oily’s.
This was a fast and furious section with big gaps opening. With so many Yellow Jerseys it was hard to know who the race leader was. We then came to ARSE BANDIT's wooded Mountain Bike training ground when the Hares Fun begins. Here was the walkers/runners split with Hares in attendance (Ominous Omen). Both Hares were pointing in all directions. I was just setting off on the run when SPEEDO PETE came back on another trail having done a 1K false loop back to the walkers split closely followed by DIRT LOONEY.
Our small group set off anew on the run with the FRB’s racing ahead. I steadily plodded on 'til arriving at a check to find SPEEDO PETE and DIRT LOONEY walking back to the check. We checked to the left and re-set the check in case anybody was still coming on behind. Still in the woods, still on paper, we did 3 x 1K loops on paper the whole time with no exit to be found. Is this a new gimmick?
SPEEDO PETE had disappeared. DIRT LOONEY was cursing blue murder and would have single handed lynched the hares if they had been there. He also then disappeared in a fuming trail of dust.
At this stage I decided to cut out of the woods and follow a trail alongside looking for paper exiting. Sure enough found the paper and plodded on back to the circle. I did see LIBERACE on the trail who told me it was 2-3K back to the A-Site but only 500 metre his way. Thankfully I still decided to push on to complete the full run.
The main circle starts. Hares brought in and customarily put on ice. The view being it was a good walk and the run was confusing with the majority of runners giving up on the figure 8 loops ?? I think.
FREE WILLY's big Raffle followed with the lucky winners being 1) TWO TIME Cookies, 2) TEASPOON chocolates, 3) CANNONBALL Whisky, 4) Mrs Cox Giant Leo, 5) SPEEDO PETE, 6) ???? England World Cup 7) LADY FLIPPER Chang 8) SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE chocolates.
MAD HATTER contestants were brought in for the Judging. Much effort had gone in by some of the Hashers with their original ideas. ARSE BANDIT conducted the secret judging by Boo’s, loud or small cheers. The final outcome and overall winner by popular vote was young FRANKIE COX with his hat lizard home design.
At about this stage LIBERACE comes in having returned from a field of horses and brought back with a ten horse power motor. He is normally welcoming Hashers back on the last run in, but managed to get lost by his description a Tapioca field. On account of there being 5000 Tapioca fields no rescue party was sent out.
Hash Shit SEAL SUCKER for stampeding cattle. It was reported that he continued this run to try for a stampede even if the Hares had said no cattle. He was given a serious warning by EMPEROR AIRHEAD and if he continued he would reported to the cattle stampede board for permanent Hash Shit .
NIGHT RIDER who was down for trashing came up with a belated excuse. EMPEROR AIRHEAD being in a good mood let them stand down as Hash Shits. Hash Crash went to BEVERLEY HILLS PINK COCK was awarded Hash Crash and to leave the ice gave a song with actions like a ME109 chasing a Sptifire.
THE WIZARD's Wanker of the Week had three contestants - ARSE BANDIT (The Run), RAT VON KIEL (Being a Belgium), LIBERACE (Walking 500 metres from the A and getting lost for 1 hour). The winner being LIBERACE.
THE WIZARD managed to find four Aussies for the ice the rest not daring to come to the Hash. Their continuing disastrous sporting achievements were brought to the notice of all.
LIBERACE was noted for his 400th Run. Well Done and do not leave the circle again. ARSE-HOLEO was awarded his 300th Run Shirt. Again well done and note you are walking with a camel back.
BIRTHDAYS - those unfortunates, ARSE BANDIT and KNOB MARLEY, to be celebrated in not Happy Fashion. The somewhat Birthday Cake mix with I believe now added Chile Sauce. The sauce cannot be good idea, try putting Chile sauce in your eyes, not a pleasant feeling only you sure to have Red Eyes for a few days.
HARES SONG - ARSE BANDIT gave us Pattaya's very own WEST VIRGINA. To a round of applause.
The last 9 Down Downs where issued and this led to the Hash Hymn.
One last THANK YOU from me to two HASHERS always working hard in the background for the Hash: VV, Brewmaster and LONE WOLF, Hash Flash, you not always see him flashing here and there.
On-On! Antique