Run 1799 had no name, no particular theme. It fell in the week before the much touted 1800th Run. Hashers believed it would be an average run, a relaxing afternoon. However they hadn’t reckoned with the events on Saturday morning between the hares.
NINJA PRINCESS: “Daddy, the run on Monday is too wimpy, too soft.”
UNSTABLE LOAD: “Well, Gloria, many of the runners are frail and alcoholic so we can’t make it too difficult.”
NINJA PRINCESS: “Bollocks. We need hellingen.”
UNSTABLE LOAD: “Yes, Gloria.”
NINJA PRINCESS: “And cobbles.”
UNSTABLE LOAD: “Yes, Gloria.”
NINJA PRINCESS: “And wind.”
UNSTABLE LOAD: “Yes, Gloria.”
NINJA PRINCESS: “And rain.”
UNSTABLE LOAD: “Yes, Gloria.”
NINJA PRINCESS: “And drunken fans.”
NINJA PRINCESS: “And more cobbles.”
And so run #1799 became the Flemish Hard Man’s Run. There was of course much complaining from the Hashers. Here are some quotes : GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER, “Shit”, SEAL SUCKER, “What the Fuck”, DIRT LOONEY, “Aaaaaaggghhhh”. You get the picture. Suffice it to say, if it wasn’t going up at a gradient of 30% or above, it was coming down.
G.I. JOE was looking rather fresh and pleased with himself after the run, so your fearless scribe went to investigate. After some probing, JOE admitted he had figured out the route and taken a short cut removing a long climb from the trail. Not only that, his short cut led him to a back check but coming at it the wrong way.
JOE decided he would “help” the FRB’s by solving the back check before they came to it. Needless to say, this confused the lead runner, SPEEDO PETE, who spent 10 minutes looking for the sticks and was not amused.
The Hares, UNSTABLE LOAD, CHICKEN DUNDEE and NINJA PRINCESS (in absentia) (that means at school) got in trouble for spraying paint on rocks and rightly so. Incredibly they denied it! They promised to spend 20 minutes in the bucket next week if proof could be produced. Really, they are hoping everyone has forgotten by next week. They are in trouble.
The Belgians monopolised the Raffle prizes. You can cut and paste this comment for every week. LONE WOLF was Flash Hash as ever. Many Hashers noticed he was uncharacteristically chirpy and was being very creative with his photos. Some speculated he had had some great sex the night before, others thought he may have fallen in love.
He asked many Hashers to stick something in their mouth for photos but REALLY SADISTIC drew the short straw. He was told to put his hand down GANGREEN’s shorts! All for artistic purposes, you understand. SADISTIC was not really a willing subject and spent the rest of the night lurking in the shadows.
LIBERACE had a birthday but assiduously tried to avoid admitting it. Why?? Despite the GM’s very best efforts he proved very hard to draw out.
RAT VON KIEL, when called upon to ‘give a note’ shouted the word, “Blue,” a few times. This was not considered good enough and he ended up with 'Wanker of the Week'.
Whilst on the subject of awards people don’t want, LORD CHICKEN FUCKER won Hash Trash for forgetting his mug last week and relying on others to clean up his mess. The Hasher who returned his mug was VV. This gained him Hash Hero status. VV, as ever, replied with a Gallic shrug.
What else did we discover? BALL RINGER has had a vasectomy. Umbrellas are not allowed in the circle. LORD CHICKEN FUCKER has a murky past (don’t we all) and might have been named ‘A Malibu Boy’ had history taken another course.
MENTAL DISORDER celebrated his and MENSTRUAL’s anniversary by telling us about the time he made his wife undertake a test in the style of ‘The Amazing Race’ (Google it). She had to navigate herself from Cebu to Pattaya with no money. She passed and they lived happily ever after.
Towards the end of proceedings, the GM handcuffed all those who had said they would go to the On-on Bar just in case they escaped.
A great time was had by all and the PH3 is looking forward to next year’s Flemish Hard Man’s Run (last Monday in August).
On-On! Speedo Pete