Welcome to Run #1817, New Years Eve run. It was a busy day on the roads in and around Pattaya with people arriving for the New Year celebrations but we eventually arrived at the A site. It's always advisable to read the directions posted on the website because sometimes the HHH signs are not always visible, or just not there. A good A site, has been used a few times before with ample room for parking.
The stand in GM for the day was THE WIZARD and called everyone to circle up, he realised that the ice was about 15m away, moved everyone up to the ice and then blamed the hashers for not forming a circle around the ice.
The usual protocol ensued, there were 3 virgins, 2 youngsters from Germany and a guy from Manchester (Man City supporter of course). Two new shoes voluntarily stepped forward and received the customary beverage from a shoe of their choice.
The GM asked if anyone had a table they could bring along next Monday because it's going to be a busy day with sign ups for the 35th Anniversary run, ANTIQUE steps forward and declared he has 2 tables that he will gladly bring along (creep).
So the hares for today step forward to tell us about the run, it's the Mental Family so it should be interesting, or maybe not. We were informed that there was an 8 km run and a 5 km walk, flat, no water, a nice easy run, which turned out to be almost true. Mostly due to MENSTRUAL DISORDER being the brains behind the whole operation.
The checks and back checks kept the pack together and everyone came back together, more or less, with the FRB's getting a nice 10km workout. Looking around after the runners got back it seemed that a couple of people we still suffering from the Saturday run (DIRT LOONEY).
Prior to the 2nd circle everyone is milling around, consuming copious amounts of alcohol when out of the blue WINDOW WANKER informed that earlier during the morning his significant other (PENELOPE PITSTOP), invited one of 'her friends' around, who had the best boob job he had ever seen, "I had them out and playing with them within 5 minutes", he quoted. However, when asked as to the whereabouts of PP, he said, "They ran off together later that morning and have not been seen since". Haha TIT.
CASPER is busy selling rags and raffle tickets, doing a marvellous job it has to be said, perfectly guided under the supervisory eye of SPERM POLLUTER.
So the GM calls the 2nd circle and promptly ices the hares, he proceeds to ask selected individuals for their opinion of the run, with verdicts from the circle of 'good' 'great' and even 'amazing' (LOVE BOAT). It appears that having MENSTRUAL DISORDER as the main hare was a smart choice. The GM sings the hares off the ice with a clever little song to the tune of the Adams Family ( Da Da Da Da ), but this time it's the Mental Family.
Raffle time, thanks to all who bought tickets BTW. Don't worry SIR FREE WILLY is back next week, boooooooo. CASPER roams around the circle looking for a genuinely honest hand to dip into her box, and the winners are, FLYING FINN - PHANTOM - SMOKEY TRUCKY FUCKY - BURLEY CHASSIS - PAPRIKA SMILEY - LIBERACE - MISS USE ME - BOB SNOT HERE. Well done to all the winners who had to choose from an array of wonderful prizes.
It has to be said that PHANTOM had a second number drawn out of CASPER's small but perfectly formed box, and had the audacity to step forward to claim another prize, but then he had the wink from the GM, "back off son and give someone else a chance".
The GM takes the circle back and with the absence of the usually witty RA EMPEROR AIRHEAD, the circle is handed over to SW2Ts. The hares are iced, it's been a heavy four days drinking and the RA was feeling a little groggy but he sweated it out and thanked the hares for a good run. All credit was given to MENSTRUAL DISORDER, it was Xmas, it was party season, it was her birthday, and she still found time to go out and set a run.
It was unusual not to hear any negative comments regarding the run, oh, hang on, WHORE IN THE WINDOW decided to say something negative and is promptly dispatched to the bucket. The virgins are recognised and welcomed into our friendly club, hope to see them back in the near future.
LT2Ls is leaving and won't be with us next week, so he is dumped in the bucket just so he doesn't forget us, along with SCRUMPY, who has a problem with his mouth, he can't keep it shut. Bye bye LT2Ls, see you next time.
PAPRIKA SMILEY is offered a seat, he opts for the ice but the RA puts him in the bucket. He is wearing a pair of shorts from another hash club, a small insignificant club in Perth, WA, called Hamersley H3. It seems that PS payed his way into the club so that he could be a member, and to confirm this, ARSE-HOLEO who is a real member of the club was asked to sit also. The RA wants to know how much did he take as a bribe to get him into the club.
DIRT LOONEY was iced because he was a complete mess on Saturday, the RA said he had cross eyes, bozz eyes, his mouth was moving in every direction at the same time, he had a face like Jim Carey. Next time don't start drinking that special punch at 10:00 AM, leave it to the big boys.
GM has the circle and ices MENSTRUAL DISORDER and informs everyone that she is the driving force behind the current GM, a special thanks from everyone and she is presented with a birthday cake and the Hashy birthday song.
It's time for the Wanker of the Week award ......and the contenders are MENTAL DISORDER, WINDOW WANKER, WHORE IN THE WINDOW and WANK-KING'S WANKER. MENTAL DISORDER and WINDOW WANKER were responsible for an explosion on Jomtien beach earlier in the week, they decided to let off a firework but didn't realise they were outside the police box, the bang was heard over 1 km away. The police came running from the box and asked them if they were responsible, "no way, not us sir". So the police checked the CCTV and yes, you guessed it, it was Dumb and Dumber who were the culprits.
WANK-KING'S WANKER responsible for disrespecting everything, mainly trashing everywhere with his cigarette butts and generally just being a twat. WHORE IN THE WINDOW turned up at the circle and decided to empty the trash from his pockets into the bin, in doing so he also relieved himself of a couple of thousand baht, obviously he has too much money.
Unanimously the winner was WHORE IN THE WINDOW who received the award from last weeks winner, ARSE-HOLEO.
The GM invites PHONEY CUNT from Australia to take a seat and asks him to choose three of his fellow Australians to sit with him. So in comes ARSE-HOLEO, PHANTOM and SCRUMPY. PC is a regular visitor to the PH3 and a very good runner, he must be because he keeps up with SPERM POLLUTER. The GM is surprised because PC is the first FRB he has ever seen from Australia, "You have broken the mould", he says, " just look at the other three sitting with you, completely useless f***wits".
Time for awards, WANK-KING'S WANKER takes the circle, this weeks awards go to PRINCESS BUM BOY 150 runs and HELIX 100 runs, well done.
The current GM takes the circle and puts ARSE BANDIT and SPERM POLLUTER on the ice. He wants to know why ARSE BANDIT's girlfriend is sitting down, it turns out she has a sore foot, so she is told to sit on the bucket and put her feet in the ice.
BURL IVES is asked to come into to the circle to be recognised for bringing his shortbread and whiskey for everyone to share, but it all goes tits up and after a round of fucks back and forth the circle is empty. UNSTABLE LOAD is asked to sing a song, and in true Belgian fashion he hasn't a clue, "He's the hare, he is blue" what a load of nonsense.
LORD CHICKEN FUCKER takes the circle with his unique style of entertainment, it's a pity the circle doesn't show him any respect and shut the fuck up.
It's time for the hares to sing a song, but they can't sing, so ANTIQUE gives everyone a version of "She'll be coming round the mountain". It's the end of the night, a great day hashing, drinking beer and having fun, time for the down down song and the Hash Hymn. Swing Low Sweet Chariot and it's On On to Nicky's Bar for more food and beverage.
Happy New Year to you all, see you next week at the 35th Anniversary of the PH3.
On-On! Sperm Polluter