You think you’ve seen and done most things in Pattaya when you’ve been coming here for 15 years until recently I heard a story from a fellow hasher. A lady visitor to the hash was drinking in a katoy bar with a friend when she asked a katoy, “You still have a cock?”. To which the katoy replied, "Yes". So a trip to boys town followed where they drunk a bottle of whiskey then went back to her place for sex! Now in all my years here I’ve never heard of a katoy going with a women before or am I greener than I think? By the way the katoy stole her mobile phone as well.
Run 1828, the birthday run with BBQ, hares VV and ARSE VAN HOLE born on the same day and with the same father I’m told, as Belgium is so small everyone is related. Five baht buses arrived at a very familiar A site in fact I was there the day before.
The first circle starts and we have 1 virgin today then the hares explain the run. We're told it's on the other side of the road and that the hares lost red paint when laying trail so some checks were half painted blue sticks.
The walkers trail was about 5k and the runners 8k, I think the hares did a good trail considering the area itself is not that great, on trail we passed a few houses one in particular had some sexy women’s underwear hanging on the line, there was also some cattle with one very angry Bull chasing everyone and scaring the shit out of us.
No water this time, as you would have expected on a VV run but plenty of shiggy and thorns to crawl through. And the checks were very well done all the runners came back to the A site within 2 minutes of each other. Good work Hares.
Back the A site we are treated to VV’s famous BBQ until the second circle starts. The hares are iced and everyone agrees it was an excellent run with no complaints. Next is the raffle with tickets being sold today by our very own GM’s good lady wife BURLY CHASSIS. I won a bottle of red, which will be getting smashed this coming election weekend.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD takes the circle and ices the hares VV, ARSE VAN HOLE and TWO TIME. Then NECROPHILIA NIGHT RIDER and KATOY MAGNET are iced, the crazy guys have been going on a dating website with Ukrainian women! AIRHEAD's convinced it’s a scam to get them over in the Ukraine so their organs can be harvested, not sure they would want a liver from a hasher though.
Next the two birthday boys VV and ARSE VAN HOLE are presented with a birthday cake! Happy birthday lads. Next up on ice is an ex-work colleague and friend of our GM Dino James AKA Casper who gets named BRING OUT THE GIMP!
THE WIZARD takes the circle and ices FLYING FINN who is looking slightly more sober than he did yesterday when he had to be put to bed by CANNONBALL as he could hardly stand up after polishing off two bottles of vodka. FLYING FINN is sponsoring a BBQ for next run as he says there are too many hashers looking anorexic.
Next up is are RA SCAR W/2T'S who ices the hares and GING GANG GOOLIES for sitting in the circle. THE WIZARD gets iced and we hear how he did his training for GM by doing speeches in Buckingham Palace for the Queen. SPEEDO PETE gets Hash Hero for not attending any mismanagement meetings on the Jungle PH3 even tho he’s on the committee.
THE WIZARD takes the circle and ices VV the birthday boy and awards him the Wanker of the Week spoon for leaving the red paint on trail, as we find out it was found by our visiting hasher from Chiang Mai and the tin was leaking paint so it wasn’t lost but discarded by VV.
Finally the Hares song, which is sung by LORD CHICKEN FUCKER who is at this stage looking more pissed than FLYING FINN if that’s at all possible, and he sings a song about Barnacle Bill.
We move on to the On On bar I-Rovers where 40 hashers enjoyed more beer and great food. Looking forward to seeing you all next week as it’s my last run before I go home to join in the riots after our government betrays us over Brexit.
On-On! Stool Mover