Me again. As I am over the hill I need to sit down after a run but as I don't have my own chair I will volunteer to scribe anytime. Not only do I get to sit down the other benefit of scribing is that there is always a hasher willing to get me a beer so that's great.
Normal start. The GM talks about hash protocols don't drink until the first runner is back, etc, etc. Virgins are introduced and welcomed and told to stick with their sponsors and returners are welcomed back. Before the hares are called REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD is asked about the Beer Hunters and in reply says, "If it's the run you want to miss, then follow me to the piss." Well done RSB.
The hares are called and today's run has 2 hares STEPTOE who set the run and TURD BURGLAR who cut the paper up. Hey, if it works don't knock it. We are told the run is about 6 km and the walk about 3. Then it's off with a young virgin setting off at a blistering pace yelling. "Keep up you old buggers!" Meanwhile, CANNONBALL and myself set off for a leisurely walk.
Strolling along FUCK OFF and another septic started to talk politics and about how Trump was doing so good for the old US of A. Guys, if the old US of A is so f'ing good go home and stop being a sex tourist. When on a run guys let's talk about sex or even about your last trip to boystown, never politics. At the first hill some of us turn around to find a much flatter walk back to the beer truck.
Time goes by and I am enjoying a couple of glasses of coffee liquor with a couple of hashers when we see SEAL SUCKER arrive. Thinking he was the front runner in we head to the beer truck only to find he short-cutted. Luckily we didn't have to wait long before DEL BOY arrived.
About the same time DEL BOY gets back the Beer Hunters return and I am told great trail, great company and cheap beer. Maybe next week I become a Beer Hunter again. Later on I even hear whispers about a new Beer Hunters tee shirt. Some of us already have one that was designed by no other than our own GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER.
Before the circle is called there is talk about lost hashers and some of these are virgins so a search party of DEL BOY and NO MORE CUM set off looking for them. PUGSLY's wife MEKONG DELTA is out there with them and I saw PUGSLY physically shaking as he walks over to get a beer to help settle his nerves.
GM has first circle and calls out lost property DIARRHEA, SHE'S THE BOSS and WANK-KING'S WANKER are all the losses. Then its Hash Crashes with BOB-A-GOB and BANANAS being the culprits. Hares are called and comments asked around the circle. Great run, great view from the top of the hill and well papered. So how come we lost people.
Raffle won by TESTICLES, KNICKERLESS, WANK-KING'S WANKER, CANNONBALL and EMPEROR AIRHEAD. Nobody wanted the Viagra that was donated by SEAL SUCKER. Are you going back to NZ mate is that why you donated them? Don't need Viagra when you have wooly sheep, baaaa.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD then has the circle and ices the hares and again good reports on the run so well done hares. PUGSLY and TEENY WEENY who by the way has lost s lot of weight are iced and there is talk about a reunion. Shit, I didn't even know they were a couple. FERRY QUEEN in the bucket alongside ARSE BANDIT, MR BEAN and TV on the ice for whatever.
GM has the circle back and calls out SALON QUEEN for her birthday. There is even a cake. HARD ON who visits the shop to have his hair cut or head polished then gives her a song. Then we are looking for Wanker of the Week. HARD ON had it last week and FUCK OFF is called out with MAYO QUEEN, ARSE-HOLEO and WANK-KING'S WANKER. A democratic cheer is made and FUCK OFF wins easily.
Then WANK-KING'S WANKER has the circle for awards and ARSE-HOLEO, FUCK OFF, MR BEAN and FERRY QUEEN are all iced for trying to talk over him. CANNONBALL gets his award for 5 hares and SEAL SUCKER for 300 runs.
Circle goes back to the GM who calls out our virgin Wyndam, son of FUCK OFF for not wearing a Hash Shirt so he gives him a very wet cold sewn up sleeved shirt and asked him to wear it.
ARSE BANDIT is given the power of the circle and puts NO MORE CUM in the bucket for loosing his virgin Anna on the run. If you bring a virgin along then look after them on the run or face the wrath of ARSE BANDIT.
GM has the circle for the hares song TURD BURGLAR sits on the ice whilst STEPTOE sings "All Queers Together". Well done hares good run, great A site, great circle.
Bucket is closed while 9 hashers lead us in the Hash Hymn. It's then grab a beer for the baht bus which I share with people who will stay unnamed as one of them mentions that his wife is a lady boy. Only in Pattaya.
On-On! B.B.