Pre the 2nd circle, Pasta with chicken provided by the hares summonsed the weather gods to let us know that life isn’t all beer and skittles. Various forms of shelter were sought apart from a few hardy souls who had got used to this during Saturday’s Monkey, including the GM, who just sat and sucked it up. Tough guys. The desert of mini pumpkin pie tarts saw the departure of the rain and although delayed we were underway.
Hash Trash, and GING GANG GOOLIES was put on the ice for leaving something or other behind the prior week. A pair of full fingered gloves went unclaimed. The hares were then put on the ice – GOLDEN RIVET and his harem of Thai ladies. Commentary on the run was sought by the GM, THE MIGHTY QUINN said a flat run is a good run, ARSE BANDIT said it was great and knew half of it, JACKAL for a change didn’t hash crash, overall he liked it, he said the first 6km was superb but thought the last 3km wasn’t as well papered, he thought maybe the hares were getting tired by then. GI JOE thought it was a fucken great run, with paper everywhere, and that the old folks need new glasses. Hopefully that wasn’t self-reflection. The GM commented on the 19 different types of paper used. SEAL SUCKER who is infamous for his ability to avoid breaking checks, did attempt some today but fucked up on many we were told. SPERM POLLUTER said it was a good trail, the easiest he’s done in the last 3 days, and it’s unbecoming to gloat about your stamina, Spermie. TOP OFF said it was excellent, a good trail. CHUCKWAO said it was a bloody top run. Virgin Luke said it was the best run he’s done, his sense of humour will fit in well. And our other virgin Nigel said it was lovely, how very English, lovely to have you here too son. BILLY NO MATES said it was excellent. FUCK OFF didn’t get lost so that was proof there was lots of paper.
PHANTOM was put on the ice for wanting to make an announcement when he clearly missed that opportunity in the 1st circle. There is a Lunar Run this Friday night, a Jungle Hash on Saturday, and a Bar Hop on Sunday. Contact him for details.
Time for the waffle, BEN 10 was called upon to draw the tickets. UNSTABLE LOAD took donuts, WANK KINGS WANKER took the cookies (excellent choice you stoner). SCOOBY DOO took the frying pan. PICKANINNY will wake up with fresh coffee after taking the beans. CRAP THAI came in with a bum bag so was put on the ice, not sure what he took. EMPEROR AIRHEAD took the German beer. BELLY DANCER took the mystery prize voucher, which turned out to be a 300 baht gift voucher.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD took the circle. First on the ice was DIRT LOONEY, a long story ensued where we heard of the transplant of half to WANK KINGS WANKERS brain into DL while WKW was being treated as a result of extreme masturbation (blindness). During this period DL did website duties. DL can understand computers now, but with the blind man’s return a reversal of the brain swap took place and DL was proclaimed a hash hero. Sadly his wooden plaque was missing an E. Next on the ice were the hares. EA commented that they did a great job, it was a good hare today (“all the holes were wet” interjected SPERM POLLUTER), the cooking was up to the usual high standard which keeps the males happy. Down downs followed. Seven visitors from the far off country of Chang Mai were then iced, speculation as to why they came was answered from the sidelines by WKW, “to run in the woods and act like idiots”. After down downs it was time for the naming of Mark Palmer from the US, he’s been around a long time so this was well overdue, we learned that his family were lumberjacks, and that for a time Mark moved to Hollywood with aspirations of a career in the movies, but porn wasn’t going to cut the mustard so he’s somehow ended up in the land of smiles. Various naming suggestions given to EA became indecipherable from his now wet notes, and finally he announced “I can’t read”, the circle thought this was perfect and thus you are no longer Mark, welcome I CAN’T READ.
The GM took the circle and put EMPEROR AIRHEAD and THE MIGHTY QUINN (who was somewhat extroverted, perhaps excited that it was his Hashy Birthday). EA commented that earlier in the week he had been at Tahitian Queen (TQ on beach road), dressed rather smartly (or so he thought) and looking the part until PHANTOM waltzed in wearing a Tux. EA had thought that perhaps PHANTOM had just got married, “not to KNICKERLESS” quipped the GM. A cake arrived and they got busy trying to extinguish the flames, in a clear rule 6 violation SPERM POLLUTER noted “they’re blowing each other's candles”. Hashy Birthday was sung.
WANK KINGS WANKER took the circle - out of recent practise (and perhaps not cured of his masturbation symptoms) he announced that he had 6 things to remember. But all we found out was that 1. He’s a cunt. 2. LOST CAUSE was recognised for 10 hares (“5 on each lip” noted SPERM POLLUTER) {It’s is actually 20 Hares – WKW error in circle}. Well done LC. GANGREEN gave us the Yeast Infection down down song.
The GM relieved WKW and put FRENCH KISS on the ice, chivalrously SOUR KRAUT BONE COLLECTOR came in ostensibly to translate for his lady, not sure how that went. WKW was put on the ice for suggesting that the GM was about to fire them. FK was commended for being the quiet achiever who week after week sells shirts and other gear without complaint and she was awarded for her dedication to the club.
The Phuket wankers were put on the ice and offered our warmest welcome. As it was all so much fun the GM made an orgy of it and had the Chang Mai fuckers squeeze in too. GI JOE led the “Fuck you, ya cunts” down down song.
Wanker of the Week - the GM put GI JOE, FLATULENCE, and SEAL SUCKER (the incumbent) on the ice. GI JOE had "Tits of the Week" so it appeared he had already been awarded, SS hadn’t done anything more than been his usual annoying self, but we heard how FLATULENCE played porn vids in the car in the back seat with full commentary to those in the car on the way here “look he’s got 3 fingers in her! Oooh, now he’s releasing her poo!” you get the point. This was no contest. Wanker of the week - FLATULENCE
LORD CHICKEN FUCKER entered the circle with wooden feet. No he hadn’t morphed into Pinocchio, but with the shit that comes out of his mouth that’s certainly possible. We heard about the virtue of waterproof indestructible Dutch clogs. We’d better get FRENCH KISS to procure some hash branded ones. Re the drawn weekend Rugby Union game, when LCF asked for any Argentineans to get on the ice we had zero response, maybe because we don’t have any, but the same request of Australians got 5 takers. Interestingly, PHANTOM arrived who we all know is English, however he was the only one to offer good commentary to rile SEAL SUCKER with his comment that at least Australia drew rather than being beaten as “The Mighty All Blacks” were the week before. Spot on there.
The GM asked the hares to sing a song. They had nominated BURL IVES to do so on their behalf. He did a nice Adams Family Parody which earned ARSE BANDIT an icing for interruption. Eskies were closed and the final down down drew the following participants SKID MARK, SHEEP SHAGGER, BELLY DANCER, BILLY NO MATES, THE MIGHTY QUIM, CHUCKWAO, SOAPIE and Luke “The Smiling” virgin. The Hash Hymn was led by BALLRINGER and BEN 10. Twenty odd hashers carried on to the on-on at I-Rovers. Another successful day if somewhat damp at times, just like SPERM POLLUTERS humour, and his sphincter when he visits Boys Town
On-On! Fleece Lifter