The St. Paddy’s Day Hash was celebrated at an exquisite lake side A-site with Macallan whiskey and delicious Pea & Ham soup. There was a festive mood in the air as several hashers took a refreshing swim while others donned their clover shaped glasses and green hats.
The GM called the second circle and got right to business with the Hash Crash:
Crap Thai was tripped by a vine, Caroline took a tumble in the tapioca, and Tom Boy was spotted from afar falling to the ground… her second crash in as many weeks. Next came Hash Trash with Mr. Bean being the only candidate. His double trash status found him quickly being sent to the bucket where he demonstrated his technique of levitating above the ice laden water.
The Hares were then invited to have a seat on the ice. Antique, Tampax, and Chicken Little were commended by the GM for their efforts including their fancy dress and the whiskey and food they put on offer. It was also noted that the Black & Tans we were drinking were indeed purchased by Antique on the black market. Comments on the trail included:
Sperm Polluter - “Extra Average”
Yuri - “I did it in three steps”
Limp Dick - “The walk was good. The ladies went shopping for me”
~There is a pause in the notes here as the Scribe suffered a pen malfunction. The situation was dire for a moment but was soon resolved. -C
The GM bellowed out a Hash Hush and admonished VV for talking. In all honesty he was rather involved in the Scribe’s mission to find a working pen. The circle was then handed over to Emperor Air Head and the Hares/Leprechauns were called to return to the ice. A moment was taken to mourn the passing of Lord Chicken Fucker (R.I.P) and honor his memory. EAH spoke of some 40 years on the Hash w/LCF filled with admiration for an incredible man who had an uncanny ability to work off the cuff in the circle. He will be missed but we continue on because “When a Hasher goes down another takes their place.” A nod was given to the three Sirs Emperor Air Head, Sweet Suzi, and the late great Lord Chicken Fucker. The down down was dedicated to LCF.
Then it was back to the GM for the raffle!!!! Crap Thai was recognized for his effort in slingin’ them raffle tickets to the crowd. Prizes were allocated accordingly…..
Splinter Dick brought home a bag o’ rice; Byron the virgin came in with not only a winning ticket but also his drink and was promptly seated on the ice; There were a couple of ticket numbers called which were held by no one in the circle. This elicited several calls of “Corruption” in lieu of the voice that typically shouts it. Where you at Stupid Kraut Cunt?; Smokey Truckey Fuckey had a win which was clearly to make up for his not being paid for service as Beer Police. There were others who won but the scribe was unable to keep up…..
And then it was time for something completely different…. A musical interlude performed by Tampax and Caroline with positively wonderful renditions of “Wild Rover” by the Dubliners and “Sweet Caroline” by Neil Diamond….And the crowd goes wild!!!!!! :)
Scar w/2T’s took the circle and as he is bound to do he called the Hares to the ice once again. He acknowledged that “Everybody agrees it was a good run.” But apparently he was a bit miffed about the fact there were no Back Checks. Down downs and cold bums for the hares once again…
~The scribe notes are rather sloppy here. Can’t read my own writing. Probably missing some detail. -C
Continuing on…. Mayo Queen was invited to the ice for taking a 1.5km detour around the water. Yuri was next to be iced for apparently having some difficulty with opening a door somewhere, presumably not on the trail. The idea of naming him “Door Raper” was raised and got very positive feedback from the circle. The FRBs were then called to take a seat on the ice. Sperm Polluter, Shit On My Chest, and Herring Choker made up this group who at one point towards the end of the trail decided to blindly follow Dirt Looney rather than paper and in their wake left an incorrectly broken check. Front Running Bastards to be sure. The circle was in agreement that we all like beer more than these FRBs. The sexy leprechauns A.K.A. The Hares were invited back for another moment on the cold seat and were rewarded with yet another Down Down.
It was then back to the GM and a quick hand-off to Sperm Polluter who took the circle to present awards. These went out to: Arse Van Hole for 200 runs signed up for but perhaps not completed. He was awarded a T-Shirt two sizes too small; Casper A.K.A Spermeys beautiful wife has also completed 200 runs and was recognized for the accomplishment; A special 1000 run shirt was presented to Sir Spaghetti Head, an impressive accomplishment.
The circle was handed back to the GM for the Wanker of the Week ceremony. The ice was soon graced with the flesh of five rear ends. Tampax and Mount Me, both reigning wankers from the two previous hashes, were joined by Antique, Something Stupid, and Mr.Bean. Much discussion ensued including how Mr. Bean was late to sign up for today’s run and had just entered the circle without his recently bestowed Hash Trash hat, Something Stupid maybe faked the Swamp Rat, Antique only paid 5k baht for drink driving. The details are a bit hazy in the notes of the scribe….There’s sure to be a Wanker out there somewhere.
It was next time for the naming and christening of Elena from Moscow. At the sound of her hometown being spoken a restive murmur rose up in the crowd. This was quickly extinguished as the GM doused the rabble rousers with water. The ceremony then continued with Elena being bestowed with the self-proclaimed name of Fortune Teller. She was then christened with what was left in the GM’s bottle of semi-sacred H2O.
We called on the Hares to sing us a song….and they delivered leading us in a sing-along of “Black Velvet Band” by The Dubliners. This was followed by a final tribute to the late great Lord Chicken Fucker. Gone but never to be forgotten…..
The Hash Hymn carried us out and we packed up and made out way to the baht buses and beyond.
On On! - Caroline