Run #1934 - Another most excellent trail laid out by the Belgian Birthday Boys.
The GM called the second circle, which was delayed a bit while 4+ helpless volunteers fought to open up the rags tent….
The Hash Crashers were invited to the ice and no less than five sad souls came forth from the circle. The crash crew included Shit on my Chest, Sperm Polluter, Drag Queen, Shit Lips and Mayo Queen who received special recognition for having hit the ground within the first 500 meters of the trail. The number of crashers outnumbered the crowns available so Spermy was given a plastic bag to wrap around his head.
Hash Trash was more straightforward with only 2-Time seated on the ice. Her lost towel, recovered by Beetroot Head, was recognized as actually being Hare Trash. The GM noticed how quiet 2-Time was while on the ice and asked “Is she like this at home?” To which the reply of “If only!” was heard. One can only speculate who said it….
The Hares of the Belgian Birthday Hash were then invited to the cold seat. Arse Von Hole, VV, and 2-Time were commended by the GM for laying an excellent trail. It was recognized that we all knew we were going to get wet somewhere along the way thanks to VV. However, no one quite expected a full kilometer in the creekbed. The GM figures he’ll have sand in his toes till Wednesday. Other comments from the circle included: Crap Thai - Enjoyed the movable concrete (that only he experienced); Spermy - Better than average; Room Boy - First 50m of water was okay, after that not so cool; Shit on my Chest - After 9 back checks I realized VV is a cunt; Splinter Dick - Well papered, thumbs up!!
The circle was then handed over to Spermy and with the suicide bag on his head he gave out awards. Ping Pong has 50 runs which was celebrated with an H2O down down. Antique was recognized for having too much to say as well as 200 runs! Mayo Queen was also awarded for 200 runs and perhaps as many as 83 Hash Crashes.
The circle was handed back to the GM for raffle time with the winning tickets being chosen by two miniature hashers. Winners included: Byron continuing his winning streak and choosing the massive can of German beer; Smokey Truckey Fucky who went straight for the Smirnoff Ice; His Royal Anus, visiting from Chang Mai, walked away with a bottle of wine; and Ben 10 led the corruption team as he drew his own winning ticket and went home with a big box of cookies.
After a post-raffle Hash Hush the circle was handed over to Scar w/2T’s. His first order of business was to call Panzer and Dirty Harry to the ice for frolicing in the weeds. Panzer was quick to finger his fellow German speaking hasher as responsible for the distraction. The GM was then invited into the circle to discuss some confusion over a meeting date. His lackluster answer had him promptly sent to the ice. Really Sadistic Bastard was called to the ice to discuss what went wrong with the Beer Hunters today. As he explained that he “Hired the wrong baht bus driver.” he was joined by GI Joe for rudely interrupting this most important discussion. Scar w/2T’s then recognized RSB, the Chief Beer Hunter, as one of the things that makes PH3 so special because “You can run, walk, or just come to drink and then still come into the circle to talk about it.” The next thing we heard startled us all. Scar said aloud “My girlfriend knows I’m gay.” He was quick to clarify that it was not a sentence, it was a name. My Girlfriend Knows I’m Gay then entered the circle and was asked what he’d been up to since his arrival back to town. His reply was hard to follow and kept going back to “Well, last night in quarantine.” He was of course sent to the bucket.
Back to the GM…. Splinter Dick and his partner Nok were brought to the ice where she was christened as Laughing Bird. There was a most heinous delay in the delivery of down downs which led us to the next crew to occupy the cold seat…the Hares. Sir Sadistic Bastard sung them the classic tune “Belgians are Born Gay.” At this point Psycho Stragler and His Royal Anus were asked to stand up from their chairs and sit on the ice for age verification. We learned that HRA passed the 70 year requirement but Psycho Stragler’s birthday isn’t till October.
Time for Wanker of the Week! The reigning champion Mr. Bean was absent so Scar w/2T’s sat in his place. This week’s candidates were: Arse Van Hole for having laid paper on the trail “Only in my mind. I was too busy drinking for birthdays”; Limp Dick for his night spent sleeping on a balcony after becoming too enamored with an out of town lady hasher; and Sperm Polluter for the plastic bag on his head, which he blamed on VV AKA Joe Ferrari. And the award went to…. Arse Van Hole! What a wanker!!
VV and Dirt Looney were called to the ice and asked by the GM “Why are you here?” Their answer was perfect…”Because we delegate responsibility and blame.” Recognition was given to them both for their services to the hash. VV the Beer Master week in and week out is taking a month off and Dirt Looney, a constant presence with reports and on the website, is taking his place. We all wish him the best of luck on his impending month of partial sobriety ;) GI Joe gave us a resounding note to brother hashers.
Antique, offering his support to the Scribe, found himself too boisterous and too close to the ice and was invited to have a seat. Psycho Stragler was, at 69.5 years old,found to still be sitting in his chair and was sent straight to the bucket. He threw himself into the task and created a semi-frozen tidal wave. Stupid Kraut Cunt gave us a note in German which very few understood but all enjoyed.
Circle went back to Sperm Polluter at which time he called Germans to the ice. Panzer was asked if he could translate the note sung by SKC. His response, “No. It can not be translated.” Psycho Strangler was then brought in and asked “Are you from upper US?” In return he asked Spermy “Am I up your ass?” Heavy flirtation ensued. The Americans were then invited to the ice and as you might expect the scribe notes are lacking in detail. Next week’s hares were then invited in and the scribe was once again preoccupied. Little was revealed about next week’s run but the Scribe (AKA Caroline) received a fair amount of abuse.
The Belgian Birthday Hares were brought back to the ice for a B-Day celebration. Dirt Looney gave em a Hashy Birthday Note while the cakes were presented. After the candles were blown out Sexy Mountain was brought to the ice for wearing a hat in the circle whilst delivering cake.
~bit of a blank spot in the notes at this point as the Scribe went for a wee….
The Hares were called to sing us a song….but they had no song so the honour went to Gang Green. He delivered with an arousing tune called “Will You Swallow My Cum?”
The Final Down Down was led by Spermy with a choice selection of hashers in the circle. This was quickly followed by Ball Ringer leading the Hash Hymn as we closed out Run #1934.
On On - Caroline