Run #1951. 18, July, 2022
The Bakening.
The theme for this run could have been summed up as, baking. The location, the Hares chose for the run, was an elephant farm. Having, pre-Covid, been open to the public, the elephant farm had a large parking lot at its centre. Barnacle Bollox and Fon chose the location, along with their co-hares, Spastic Whore King and Cookie Monster. Although it wasn’t an overly hot day, the concrete parking lot and lack of shade made for an ‘A’-site that felt like an oven. Still, no one let themselves get cooked.
The run and the walk surprised a lot of seasoned Hashers. Given the location of the, “A”-site, a lot of people thought they were headed out on a city street crawl. While there was a lot of track that was on the streets, the hares managed to find a nice stretch along a water course. Most participants came back with wet feet. But not all, some got considerably wetter! Minnie Mouse managed to sink up to her waist; but that only means the water was 18 inches deep.
YMCA avoided getting in to a fight with the foliage this week, choosing instead to dive, butt first, into the stream. Rest In Peace, YMCA’s phone.
It was really great of: Barnacle Bollox, Fon, Spastic Whore King and Cookie Monster to step up on short notice to hare a trail for us. Much thanks to them. It was also really great to have a new ‘A’-site as well. Almost all the Hashers took the opportunity to meet and greet the elephants. It was a real treat to get to pet and feed those magnificent creatures.
Fon and Cookie Monster supplied some really tasty, Thai food for all of us as well. The food was excellent. I was really pleased with the good manners I witnessed, as most of the hash participants went over to thank, Fon personally for cooking.
In fine HASH tradition, the first thing our illustrious, GM, The Wizard did, after calling for the circle, was to ice the hares. Nothing says thank you for a great effort like plunking your bum down on cold ice!
While the hares were comfortably seated on the ice, The Wizard asked the Hashers about the quality of the days run. In a most unusual turn of events, Wild Wolf was caught speechless!
Herring Choker told us that he had seen a snake jump in to the water and swim away from him while he was on the run. That is scary!
Dirt Looney shared with the circle, his delight in finding the local, Thai people to be so friendly to the Hashers on the run. Dirt Looney told the group how passersby waved and said hello to him as he ran past. That was pleasant.
Mayo Queen told the circle that he was pleasantly surprised by the run. Mayo Queen had thought, looking at the “A”-site, that the run would be all along city streets, but he was very pleasantly surprised by the diversity of terrain the hares found for the Hashers to run along.
The Raffle is turning in to a highlight of every weeks circle. The Wizard does an excellent job playing up the calling out of the winning numbers. Minnie Mouse won, for the first time. She had her eyes of the bottle of whine and was not to be disappointed. G.I. Joe won for about the hundredth time. Mayo Queen won. Vietnamese Violator won and rushed over to claim the leggings. I think I speak for us all when I say, I hope we never see him wearing those!
The ice blocks quickly filled up, as Gangrene, YMCA and Ball Ringer brought their own beers in to the circle when they won. The Wizard pointed out that, Ball Ringer was shit out of luck with his prize, a multi tool set, as it did not come with instructions! I think that this was the first time, YMCA has won the raffle; after a great many tries. Cocktail won a prize as well. Cocktail, being, Cocktail, misunderstood the HASH flash role, as creating a photographic record of events. She thought she was on a fashion shoot and promptly started posing for the camera! Something Simple also won the raffle. She received a bag full of wet wipes. The Wizard set her the task of cleaning up after, Something Stupid. Not sure if there are enough wet wipes in the world to achieve that goal!
Then came the turn of, Emperor Airhead to take the circle. True to form, Emperor Airhead, iced the hares again. As this was taking place, Emperor Airhead wondered allowed, “I wonder how the, Grand Master knew wipes were good for removing makeup?” A thought shared by the group.
Emperor Airhead told everyone that he has not run with the Hashers for a while now. This was the first run he had participated in, in a long while; and he only cried a little bit!
Emperor Airhead attempted to question Nightrider on the ice. Nightrider was a little less than responsive, so Emperor Airhead asked him, “Are you jet lagged?” Probably a kind way of pointing out that by then, Nightrider appeared to be in a drunken stupor.
Then, Emperor Airhead called Happy Survivor to attend him in the circle. Emperor Airhead made the group aware of Happy Survivors desire to see more mens asses on the ice. With Cocktail’s assistance, Emperor Airhead and Happy Survivor called Mario on to the ice. Happy Survivor was pleased to see Mario’s ass on the ice. Emperor Airhead encouraged Mario to speak in Portuguese for the ladies. Happy Survivor and Cocktail leapt to action haranguing poor Mario to speak sexy Portuguese to them.
Then, in a public service announcement, Emperor Airhead advised the group that Crimson Penis used to be a taxi cab driver. A stalker cab driver.
Handing the circle back to the GM, The Wizard immediately called out Where’s my Miner for not having a HASH shirt in the circle! Where’s My Miner attempted to utter some useless excuses, but received the ice nevertheless.
Ever the gallant gentleman, The Wizard called, Barnacle Bollox and Spastic Whore King back into the circle and made them take a seat in the bucket. The Wizard pointed out that both men had saved the ice for themselves previously and not taken the bucket to spare their wives having to do so. Barnacle Bollox even going so far as to lean on his wife, Fons’, shoulder to get up.
Sperm Polluter took the circle next. Sperm Polluter demanded that, Slug and Pussy Galore bring a large bottle next time they come. I am not sure what that was about, but it was funny.
The main event though was, Sperm Polluter calling, The Wizard to have a seat on the ice. Sperm Polluter wanted to know, how it was that, The Wizard managed to fall in the same hole, three times, fishing that week? The Wizard was excused from running this week on account of injuries he sustained in said, fishing mishap.
In a surprise twist, Cookie Monster barged in to the circle and took a round out of Sperm Polluter for his having picked on Spastic Whore King previously. Fleeing to relative safety, Sperm Polluter handed the circle back over to the, GM.
The Wizard called for candidates for the award of ‘Wanker of the Week’. The Wizard selected: Something Stupid, Sperm Polluter, Wild Wolf and Ball Ringer. At which point, Cocktail piped up, “Aren’t you calling yourself, Sir?” In response, The Wizard threw Cocktail in to the bucket. The group sympathized with The Wizard but selected Something Stupid for ’Wanker of the Week’.
The hares were invited to sing us a song. I am not really sure what it was Barnacle Bollox was trying to sing, but he made his attempt with great enthusiasm, and it was about the longest song the group ever engaged in.
Finally, to cap off the evenings entertainment, The Wizard iced Gangrene in recognition of his birthday this week. Happy birthday, Gangrene!
All-in-all, a most delightful event. Everyone left in high spirits to attend, Cocktail’s bar afterward. Belly’s were full. Just a delightful evening.
On On, Mount Me