Hash Trash 31st October – Halloween Run
Hares: Antique, Barnacle Bollox, Panzer Fister (Combined age something close to 200 years!)
They say age brings experience but when it came to these hares and the run something was definitely lacking. On the basis that Antique probably didn’t do a lot of trail-laying the F Up of a run must have been engineered by the other two hares. There was paper a-plenty – sometimes – but then big gaps.
Possibly it was the headless chickens at the front (yes, you Herring Choker and Shit on my Chest) who found the home trail too early? All I know is I arrived at the Runners/Walkers split with the Walkers arrow pointing back the way I had just come.
The good news, hares, is that you can set the same trail again soon as no one got it right the first time. Sperm Polluter – put them down again soon.
Ham and pea soup and bread were kindly provided by the hares although I was a bit put off when it was suggested that Antique’s contribution to the run was the pea in the soup!
As to the circle, well…
The GM opened the circle in what I thought was his night shirt. On closer inspection it was in fact a wizard costume so most appropriate.
Instead of Hash Crash he announced Hash Trash first as he had a box full of stuff to return to various miscreants. First up was Squeeze My Tube who had left her sarong behind after her birthday excitement last week. Then a natty umbrella was offered for claiming. As it had something to do with New Zealand on it Seal Sucker was presented with it along with a pair of girl’s slippers which no one else admitted to owning. The opinion was that SS could use the slippers to reduce his costs along Beach Road. Shit on my Chest got called in to collect another item and then VV was summoned for dropping two bags of ice off the beer truck on the way to the run which were picked up by Ball Ringer (who snitched on VV).
Then came the call for Hash Crash which featured two of the biggest arses on the hash – Velcro Dick and Mama San’s Big Boy along with Sir Arse-A-Holic and GI Joe who claimed his wife had pushed him over. Shit on my Chest was also there, again.
The hares were then called in. Going around the circle the best description of the run was “The paper was either there or it wasn’t” which summed things up pretty well. Herring Choker and Antique were bucketed for GM abuse. The group that enjoyed things the most were the 21 (no less) beer hunters who returned to the same bar as last week and had a great time.
Emperor Airhead then creaked and crackled into the circle dressed in aluminium foil. Possibly he was impersonating a turkey ready for Thanksgiving or were he and the GM a duo of the Wizard of Oz and the Tin Man?
He called in the male contenders for the best Halloween Costume. The pictures paint a better story than I can describe but suffice it to say that Caroline in his Lizard Man costume won. There were far more ladies than men dressed up and Airhead had a difficult choice but eventually it went to Pirate Lady (not sure who was under the costume she was so well disguised)
Congratulations to all who dressed up.
The Waffle was called with particular excitement over two bottles of “Durex Play”. Good choice, Fleece Lifter. Can we have some condoms next week?
The hares were briefly iced again then Night Rider was called in (sans sunglasses this week). Apparently he had not had enough excitement getting lost last week so he had collapsed on a mid week run – possibly hoping for mouth to mouth resuscitation from a comely Harriette. Watch this space for next week’s episode.
No More Cum took the circle in his Clockwork Orange gear. He called in Sperm Polluter, Barnacle Bollocks and Ball Ringer to represent the English with Arsehole Toulouse to represent the French. He pointed out that the Anglo Saxons gave us most of the words that matter – shit, arse, fuck etc whereas the French (“what did the Romans ever give us”) gave us long-winded words like masturbation. To sum up his argument (such as it was) he reminded us that the English gave us the Hash thus proving his point (shades of Alf Garnett…?)
The GM was put on the ice next while No More Cum rambled on about Firemen and his tooth and a chicken in Bangkok.
The GM returned to the Circle and called in Pussy Galore for her 62nd birthday (“she doesn’t look at day over 61” said the GM ungenerously).
For Wanker of the Week the contenders were Brotherly Luv who won it last week, BB’s son Patrick who lost his phone on trail but found it soon afterwards thanks to Happy Survivor, Dirt Looney who lost his phone last week back at the A-Site and BB himself who seems to be making a living out of shooting videos in toilets in Pattaya… or maybe he was shooting in the toilet? I don’t think I want to know.
Anyway Dirt Looney was the clear winner.
The hares then dimmed all the lights and did a short version of the ooo, ooo, ahh, ahh song which I last heard in Scout Camp some 50 years ago.
And so it was with the Final Down Down song and Swing Low and off to Hustlers for more beers and frivolity.
On On Shit Lips