Just after 4pm, The GM called the assembled hashers together for what would prove to a memorable run for the number of missing hashers after the run.
The Virgins (Emily, Timo and George) were called into the circle and welcomed to the Pattaya Hash.
A call was made for new shoes and Lady Squeeze My Tube was called in to drink out of her new running shoes.
The hares for the day - Cocktail, She’s The Boss, Happy Survivor, Lady Squeeze My Tube, Belly Dancer and Fleece Lifter were called in. Fleece Lifter gave the run instructions with the walk estimated at 4km and the run 8+ km with checks.
After a false start up a hill, the pack was soon back on trail. As the runners cleared off into the distance, the walkers split into two groups with Lady Squeeze My Tube directing challenged walkers to a shorter trail. The long walk was quite well marked with only a small section of ‘bitumen bashing’. Towards the end of the walk, the runners and walkers trail recombined for the run into the finish. The run was 9+ kms and the long walk around 6kms.
Back at the run site, the rain held off and nosh was served consisting of two types of noodles (spicy/non spicy), curry pies and chicken skewers. BB complained that it he had known there was nosh provided he wouldn’t have brought lunch with him. Shots of whisky were distributed by Happy Survivor.
The GM called the circle to form and first in on the ice were the contenders for Hash Crash - Emily, George, YMCA and Shit On My Chest. Helmets were duly awarded and YMCA got the coveted Hash Crash toilet seat lid.
Next up were the Hash Trash awards for lost gear - cap (Seal Sucker), paddle (no takers, bin) and a pair of ladies shoes which Seal Sucker attempted to claim unsuccessfully. Car Licker was put on the ice with a note by BB.
Next in were the hares: Cocktail celebrated her birthday last Saturday (22/10) and it was Lady Squeeze My Tube’s birthday today (Mon 24/10). The GM then interrogated the hares to see who had actually contributed to today’s run. Fleece Lifter admitted he had nothing to do with setting the trail which had been set by Lady Squeeze My Tube who also organised the food.
Run: Wild Wolf exceptional, Herring Choker - great trail a bit too long, Seal Sucker - good trail, No More Cum - great trail, Sperm Polluter - bit too short
Walk: YMCA more like 6 km than 4km.
Beer Hunters: quite a few today led by Really Sadistic Bastard.
Note for the hares.
Next up was the raffle with the new raffle bucket which had been 3 days in the making.
A lot of worthy prize recipients including BB scoring the Penfolds Koonunga Shiraz and a seat on the ice for bringing items into the circle and Pussy Galore scoring the tin of biscuits (donated to a very happy child).
Down down for the raffle winners.
Emperor Airhead’s circle.
Airhead advised that Free Willy’s partner had fallen and broken her hip. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.
Hares on the ice.
Airhead was concerned that Necrophilia Night Rider was still out on trail along with several other hashers including Crap Thai. His comments on the run - cozy circle, great ‘A’ site, top food ‘outsourced’ by Lady Squeeze My Tube, all in all a great day out, great run.
Note for the hares.
Wild Wolf was called in and soon joined by Cocktail on the ice. Airhead had become aware of a run held on Koh Larn Island where police and the coastguard had been called to find a lost hasher on a run organised by Wild Wolf. Cocktail elaborated that 300 people had been searching for him and he was eventually found around 9pm to 10pm that night. Wild Wolf commented that Flasher had gone arse up on trail, resting for a few hours before being found. Those who know Flasher, who used to run with my own Gold Coast Mens Hash but now runs with Hamersley Hash in Perth, are aware of his propensity for getting lost on trail. Airhead then commented that Night Rider was still out on trail, there were 100+ hashers in attendance today and nobody was looking for him.
Airhead noted that it was the annual Halloween run next week and there would be prizes for the best male and female outfits.
Airhead then called for a Dutch guy named ‘Bart’ who was on his 6th or 7th run to come into the circle. First up Airhead wanted to know when he got out of prison to which ‘Bart’ replied “That was a long time ago“. Turns out ‘Bart’ used to build bridges in Holland after he went to prison. Airhead then asked whether he was a ‘sex tourist’? Now that everyone knows you ‘Bart’, a naming can’t be far away. Note for ‘Bart’.
Next in were the father and son combination of Supervirgin and Mamasans Big Boy. Airhead noted that dad was teaching his son how to be a good sex tourist. They have another one and a half weeks to go with Airhead advising of the imminent arrival of Fairy Queen, legendary at the TQ, next week.
GM’s Circle.
Sperm Polluter was called in to give out the awards t-shirts which he noted were running somewhat behind schedule.
Billion Sucker - 5 hared runs
Crap Thai - 5 hared runs
Fuck Off - 5 hared runs
Sperm Polluter - 20 hared runs
Golden Rivet - 20 hared runs
Crap Thai - 50 runs
Fleece Lifter - 50 runs
Fuck Off - 50 runs
YMCA - 50 runs
She’s The Boss - 100 runs
Telly Tubby - 200 runs
Dirt Looney - 300 runs
Note for the award winners.
The GM called in Fleece Lifter - 5th Hare and Belly Dancer - 1st Hare for a down down. Belly Dancer is now a PH3 member having hared his first run.
Three birthday cakes were produced and Cocktail, Lady Squeeze My Tube and Hoi Wan received a rendition of ‘Hashy Birthday’.
The GM handed the circle to No More Cum.
No More Cum noted that he had failed his Thai driving test twice before passing it on a third attempt.
No More Cum called in Graven Image, TV and Slug for not being present at last week’s run.
Next in were the Germans on the ice and K.A.M. first on the ice, then somewhat reluctantly into the bucket. In the absence of Gasman, K.A.M. was drafted in as being Australian, large and old enough to be his dad. In a roundabout way, No More Cum recalled that Gasman had been a fisherman, noting the connection between Germans and gas but also commenting that the Germans no longer have any gas due to someone blowing up a couple of gas lines out in the ocean.
Note for K.A.M. and the Germans.
GM’s Circle.
Wanker of the Week.
Contenders were Brotherly Love (f..k up with the hash signs), Really Sadistic Bastard (lost but not actually lost car keys), Wild Wolf (reigning WOTW) and Virgin ’Timo’ who wandered into the circle after being asked not to sit on his stool.
Winner - Brotherly Love.
The hares were called in to sing a song.
Wild Wolf deputised with a rousing hash version of Hokey Cokey with crowd participation.
The GM called in hashers for the final down downs after which Ball Ringer took over the circle for the hash hymn.
Night Rider finally made an appearance as we adjourned to the hash baht buses for the trip back home. After briefly stopping to look for two missing hashers, we continued back to Pattaya pulling up at the entrance to Soi Chaiyapoon.
A lively on on was held at June’s Cocktail bar with some tasty pork ribs and noodles on offer. Much karaoke singing followed with Mamasans Big Boy proving adept in everything from Neil Diamond to the Bee Gees. Emily (Hash Virgin), Sperm Polluter, The Wizard, Cocktail, Casper and several more hashers all took a turn at the mike.
Never let the truth get in the way of a good story,
On On, Slug.