PH3 Run 2089
Monday, March 10, 2025
Scribe Report by Diaper Sniper
Once again a big day for the PH3. Someone told me the A site was brand new but that was cleared up by club historian G.I Joe who said we had been there many times. Many guests today include Chiang Mai Bunny hasher Taste my Juice and a Sophisticated Sir from Saigon. Mountain Flower’s 12 year old son Manchester City had new shoes and although offered a beer, protective mama said water only please. Fattus Maximus said he was done with the beer tab collection having discovered that after working long and hard he had only raised 500 baht. Hares V.V., Two Time, Arse Van Hole and Any Cock'll Do with over 50 years of collective hashing provided good directions and laid a nice trail that followed a somewhat dry river bed but then crossed a number of recently planted fields where many felt the heat…some of the walkers took a fun side trip around a field before finding the correct trail. Someone seems to have burned brush around the ice, but it remains a secret who did it. Paper was in short supply today but we all made it back. Upon returning, we were treated to delicious chips, corn and fruits and chefs V.V. and Two Time provided tasty “pay as you” go burgers. Hash Hero shout out to Dirt Looney and Pussy Snatcher who do a yeoman’s job behind the scenes with the website, statistics and hash reports. They keep the machine rolling along.
GM called second circle at 6:30. “What do we like?” called out the GM. “Beer” was the answer.
Fashion Police: Since Dead Gump absconded with his newly christened Fashion Sheriff crown, GM had to buy a new one which was awarded along with a seat on the ice to Sick of Steve, now aka Chief of Fashion Riot Police. GM instructed him to just “Say yes to everything I say” Frodo sporting a cotton Scandiholigan shirt from 2015 was called to the ice. “Was it ever washed?” and “Did it fit him once?” were overheard. Fuck My Puck from Ottawa hash was called to ice because of his green eagle shirt from some Philippean hash. Mr. No Hash name was called to ice for sporting a stylish straw hat and wearing the same shirt as the GM.
Hash Trash: Some confusion as three hashers got on the ice but they were actually Hash Crashers…should have stayed there if you ask me. Arse Van Hole came out but not sure why and Shy Tiger seems to have lost her digital watch and, after checking, confirmed it was hers.
Hash Crash: Shy Tiger stayed on to get her second award of the night. Happy Survivor and the recently ordained Stool Stealer joined her. Happy Survivor slid down a sand bank. Shy Tiger claimed somebody tripped her…maybe it was Herring Choker so he could regain FRB status.
Hares called to the Ice: V.V, Two Time, Arse Van Hole and Any Cock'll Do sat on the ice to listen to mainly positive responses to the trail. “Good trail” “Very hot but good distances” A beer hunter found some beer. “Very nice walk but not enough sand” “Too much water and mountains” “Too hot so walked back” “I would like to run it again” prompted cries of “Go right now” “Nice and flat”, "We can’t critize the trail…look at the fat wankers who set it” Obviously not referring to V.V. or Two Time.
Raffle: Sexy Butterfly was back again today to do the raffle in the place of the missing Black Panther. If BP doesn’t hurry back she may lose this esteemed job.
Bell Star took home the wine.
Sir Really Sadistic Bastard won again and grabbed the vodka.
Car Licker picked up the whiskey
Homer Pimpson got a six pack of beer
Gin Tonic got some laundry detergent wrongly identified as wine by one of the losers who need his glasses.
Stool Stealer grabbed the purse
Flying Dick Truck Fucker couldn’t find the correct ticket but at the last moment won some instant coffee.
RA Emperor Airhead was back with his 1960’s Ipad to entertain us with his witty insults.. He called the hares to the ice for a change. “How old are the hares?” “V.V. remembers the beer truck being pulled by horses.” Birthday for Arse Van Hole and V.V. (I thought he has one in Feb too?) “Who is older?” Arse Van Hole is in his 70s and V.V. still a young 64. Apparently V.V. made Two Time lay down the paper as he crafted the burgers. Barnacle Bollox provided a unique birthday song from his extensive catalog.
Bubbles was called to the ice to discuss crashing his motorbike upon learning that he had sold his tiny car. It was reported that he was seen at the Police station with his attorney Eating Monster…how did that go? I guess he forgot that he is huge when he bought his Suzuki. Now he has a real American car..a Ford truck. Car Licker joined him on the ice because apparently, after discovering a red ant nest in a tree, he used the old Slovenian joke of shaking it so it falls on the next runner which happened to be Bubbles. Asked if he would be nice in the future, he answered “No.”
Paprika Smiley the ever adventurous globe trotting hasher was called to describe his next adventures in Australia, Malaysia and Prachaup Kiri Khan. Emperor Airhead said “PKK, is that in Malaysia?” PS had to put down his “hand rolled on the thigh of a virgin” cigar which looked more like a one-handed roll job to me. PS promised to tell everyone he meets how wonderful the PH3 hash is.
Mountain Flower…a “famous girl” and her son Manchester City were called to ice. EA asked if he was a bucket sort of guy to which he quickly responded by climbing into the bucket. “Cooold”
Recognitions: Arse Van Hole has 30 hares and Bubbles has attained 50 runs. Congrats.
RA Scar W/2Ts took over the circle: “Come closer” “I don’t like the people who can’t shut the F up” Car Licker made another trip to the circle and strait into the bucket “You like bitting the pillow?” as he tried to keep his shirt out of the water. He was joined by fellow talker and partner in circle crime Flying Dick Truck Fucker aka shy Oliver. FDTF didn’t want to get down in the bucket so Scar w 2Ts helped him down and extracted promises from both to keep quiet..good luck with that. RA Scar was happy to discover someone without a hash shirt. Fungal Mass said he forgot it in his suitcase and was too cheap to buy one at the A-site. Whore in the Window was joined on the ice by his sister who proudly wore a shirt with his uniquely Dutch name. “I am his good sister” she claimed. “This is the shirt you give to your good sister?” replied Scar w/2Ts. My Girlfriend knows I am Gay with his new girlfiend who says she is not sure were called to the ice. She was christened with the name Happy Smile. No Virgins this week.
RA The Wizard took over the circle. After claiming he had “every intention of being nice” he promptly put Arse Van Hole in the bucket. Not sure why but must have been a good reason. The Sophisticated Sir of Saigon who was sporting shoes and socks that looked suspiciously like Wellingtons was called in to explain about the upcoming Vietnam Nash hash next December. Somebody asked “what country is it in?”
It was time for the Wanker of the Week: Apparently CIA has absconded with the wooden spoon so a new spoon was called into service. “Sexy man” GI Joe was called in along with Stool Stealer who knew what was coming and had left on his motorbike. GI Joe was left to face the music and explain why he took the forbidden shortcut and temped Stool Stealer to follow him. “I forgot” was his reply. RA The Wizard said “you have to set an example for the rest of the idiots” and GI Joe said “never use me as an example.” Fattus Maximus joined on the ice to explain why he ignored solid advice not to collect beer tabs which apparently had failed in the past. “Dirt Looney collects more in one week than you did in 6 months.” “I told you not to and I was the GM”. Bubbles joined on the ice to explain why he got lost with passengers after last week’s hash. He said he didn’t know how to use the GPS and turned the wrong way out of the A-site. “Stupidity is never an excuse” Bubbles threw ex-friend and navigator General Kidney Wiper under the bus. RA The Wizard pointed out that General Kidney Wiper had been posting pictures of his career as a surveyor all week on Facebook. Although Bubbles tried to use his loud voice to doom his friend and navigator, nobody was having it and he won the spoon.
Hares sang a song… The hares called on Barnacle Bollox to do his thing. He shared an Englishman, Irishman and Scot joke about meeting a mermaid and then regaled us with what sounded like an English pub song designed to get everyone to go home. He went through verses day by day and would have continued into the month if he wasn’t shut down.
RA The Wizard led the final down down and hash song.
The On-On bar was Hustlers where everyone who came had a nice time. Lots of praise for Dave the owner as he has sold the bar. He rang the bell and shouted everyone in the bar a drink. Nice music and a good time was had by all. Was Bubbles there or did he get lost again?
On-on until next week, Diaper Sniper.