Hash Trash
9th June 2025
74 turned out for the lovely Thai lady hares and their promised great run and free food. The hares enticed the hash with promises of only 5km for the walkers and 7.5km for the runners. Hmmm…. Golden Rivet and Cannonball were out for 2 hours to do just 5km. Seal Sucker reckoned he had done nearer 9km (and, he’d like everyone to know, he came in first).
But the great food made up for the iffy trail lengths and a big thanks to all the hares for their efforts.
Milky Piss announced in the second circle that we had drunk 130 bottles of water – that’s nearly two bottles each – what is this hash coming to? I hope we drank more beers than that.
The GM started the evening with his usual Fashion Police excuse to put those he doesn’t like on the ice or in the bucket. Fattus Maximus went straight to the bucket with his little blue helmet on but he was able to dob Yanky Crank in – why? – “because I hate him”. Nice. There was the beginning of a good quip about the GM having two helmets which might have amused the girls had they been listening but the moment was gone.
Hash trash included a floaty dress from last week which no one wanted but Dirt Looney said he’d take for next year and a Monkey Hash vest which Whore in the Window eventually claimed. There was then a serious charge of littering on trail and Tadpole and Bell End were iced as they had been in charge of the stick painting. They both denied the charge, your honour.
Hash Crashes included GI Joe, Shitlips, Hot Hope and Cannonball. GI Joe said that he was watching Shy Tiger’s arse on the run when his wife pushed him. You’ll have to look more discreetly next time, Joe.
The hares were iced and comments were taken from the circle:
Home Brew was very happy as he had managed the whole runners trail for the first time since buggering his knee last year.
The Beerhunters enjoyed their ice creams (eh?)
Muff DesignHer liked the long grass as there was plenty of opportunity for a knee-trembler during the run (dream on, mate)
Sexy Butterfly said she enjoyed the walking, running and fucking (maybe Muff DesignHer did get his wicked way?)
Ball Ringer said the check sticks were II shape instead of X shape but maybe his eyes are going as no one else noticed.
The ever popular Emperor Airhead iced the hares as per usual but not for long. He asked Tadpole if she remembered her first run back in 1997 when they were both young and beautiful. Apparently Airhead remembered very well and he had a certain glint in his eye when he said this – I wonder what happened….
Testicles (aged 84) took us back to the realities of old age.
Following the old/young theme Shy Tiger and Wee Little Boy (from Taiwan) were paraded as examples of the two youngest runners.
All the New Zealanders were then called to the ice. Oddly of the 8 of them one was British and one was Australian - surely you’d know if you were a Kiwi or not?
The Wizard took over the circle and produced his candidates for Wanker of the Week. They included Muff DesignHer for splashing the RA’s dress with mud last week, Telly Tubby for supplying specially flavoured buns and Mayo Queen for being dumb enough to try one. Telly Tubby won by a mile.
After that it was time for the hash song sung by Airhead no less. All about his One eyed trouser snake.
Then the final down down and the hash anthem and on to Kubla Bar for more drinks and singing.
On On Shit Lips