It was a bright cold day in October, and the clocks were turning sixteen.
It was the Halloween Run.
The A-site was the Monk’s Retreat. Picturesque and peaceful. Yes, there even were some rain droplets. Perfect for hashing.
110 hashers turned up. Not being a social animal, the hash is always a great opportunity for me to meet old friends and “shoot the shit.’ And boy o’ boy, many old friends were there on Monday. So, after a bit of ‘shooting the shit, the GM The Wizard got proceedings underway.
The hares who were Scar w/2Ts, Milky Way and Bell Star, were brought into the circle and told us about the run. ‘It is not too hard and watch out for the hole” and that was it. As we took off from the A-site, we skirted the edge of a recently plough cassava field, so it was single file and we were well strung out. I had casual conversations with various hashers on the walk. Most left me standing. Especially when we came to an incline that was, for me, a little steeper than normal. It was at this point I checked I still had the lanyard round my neck with the phone contacts of my next of kin. All good, I pressed on and was back at the A- site in just over an hour, with a walk of 4.7 kilometres.
On arrival, Scar w/2Ts was handing out Bloody Marys. This was a pertinent drink for today, as it is said in a variation of the urban legends that Mary 1 of England was a malevolent or a witch. Although I think it was probably just to get “Brownie Points” or more likely a good gesture. Either way. It went down a treat.
Next to the Bloody Mary table was a make-up section to get a scary face painted. I did not visit, for obviously I have ‘au natural.”
After the usual cooling down period, The GM got proceedings underway.
First in were Hash Crashes. As a testament to how flat the trail was, there was only one. Eating Monster and she had tripped over her pooch.
Hash Trash. No claimants for a Christmas towel. Milky Way liked it, so he put his hand up. And while sitting on the ice, fancied a snazzy pair of sunglasses to go with it.
The Wizard then brought in the hares. A five-kilometre walk or an eight-kilometre run, with a bloody Mary shot after it. Opinions were asked of various hashers around the circle about the run / walk. General consensus was a big thumbs up for the hares’ efforts.
Next it was time for the eagerly anticipated raffle, held by Black Panther. What is amazing is that some hashers still cannot read numbers. As there were a couple of tickets read out that no one claimed. Though to be honest, I suspect their eyesight is probably impeded by too much vodka. Much to my chagrin, I did not win. But plenty happy faces from the winners. Lucky bastards.
Emperor Airhead then took the circle and iced the hares. It had been noted earlier that this was another family affair, like last week’s hares, but this week it looked more like the Addam’s family, due to their Halloween getup.
Next, it was time for the Halloween costume competition. There were about six guys in the Men’s competition. What is laughable and has to be explained every time by EA is you only cheer for one contestant of your choosing. But no, everybody cheers all six. Anyway, through a procedure of perseverance and patience, a winner was decided, and it was Beetroot Head. Whereas the others had gone a for a warlock kind of wizard look, he had gone for a knife through his head. Won a bottle of wine, from a dubious vineyard for his troubles.
Next was the eagerly anticipated women’s competition. Only two participants. Bit of an anti-climax. Maybe the thought of winning EA’s fish prize was off putting.
Anyway, the winner was Pop. Her sisters. Snap and Crackle had gone to town on her make up and done a fine job. Although none of them are old enough to drink their prize of a bottle of wine, I am sure their Dad Colonel Cornhole will chug a lug it.
The Wizard then recognised some hash awards.
Lady Squeeze my Tube - 800 Runs
Wankings Wanker - 500 Runs T-shirt
Dog Licks its Dick – 300 Runs T-shirt
Ratso Eel Sniffer – 200 Runs T-shirt
Just looking how long it took these guys to pick up their T-shirts, it is doubtful they will qualify for another. But fingers crossed.
Time for more religion with Scar w/2Ts. Brought in and on ice, Serial Killer for just a big drunk along with his buddy Stupid Kraut Kunt. Seemingly, SKK gets his buddies drunk in the bar that he manages. Whereas, SKK is only drinking Heineken Zero, which is non-alcoholic, but still gets him drunk. Spastic Whore King for being a chatterbox. Visitors from Bali. And just to show he is not biased, his better half Bell Star. Seemingly, when they were in Krabi for the Mekong Indo China Hash, she would not stop drinking and was the Dancing Queen of Krabi.
The Wizard then brought in the birthday girls of Tom Boy, Hoi Wan, Duchess Tadpole and Lady Squeeze my Tube. Birthday doughnuts with candles all round, plus a bottle of wine for Squeeze for all the extra work she does.
BB then iced some hashers from Copenhagen.
Sheik MeMe then iced the hares. Belly Dancer and TV for alky abuse.
The Wizard then brought in Beetroot Head. Seemingly him and Panzer re-run last week’s trail to find out what went wrong. Shit on my Chest was the culprit for leading the whole pack astray. Seems the hares were vindicated.
Time for Wanker of the Week. Only two nominees. Wannabe Viking went to draw 20,000 Baht at an ATM machine, but forgot to take the money. Shit on my Chest sent emails off about his lost croc shoes, but found them later in his bag. And the winner is. Of course, Wannabe Viking. No actual spoon available this week, but I am sure the shame of this award will follow and haunt him till he goes to use an ATM machine again. (Why let the truth get in the way of a good story).
Hares’ song and Scar W/2Ts belted out the Loopey song.
Final Countdown song, then Hash hymn and one for the road.
Another fine hash, but it is not over yet.
Usually, I leave early and can drive away unhindered. Not this time. Lost Cause and the birthday girls had parked behind my car and set up a table to party. Also, one car was jammed alongside mine. Anyway, as I gave them a warning and tried to manoeuvre out, it became obvious this was not going to be the easy task it usually is. With shrieks of No! No! and Stop! Stop! I was letting the side down for all male drivers. At last Spastic Whore King came to my aid, making sure I did not hit any coconut trees, or heaven forbid, a table full of Som Tam Thai with Sansom rum. Anyway, I eventually made my exit. Much to everybody’s relief.
Now the last time I was here, I was Chief navigator and using a GPS. We did get lost. This time I used ‘old school” and followed the Baht buses into town. No drama. They headed off to the New Plaza Sports Bar where about sixty hashers went for Happy Hour. I did not go, but I am sure they looked after us well.
As usual, another great hash.
Thanks to all involved.
On On, General Kidney Wiper