GM the Wizard called the the first circle at 4 pm. It was a somber start to our first hash since the tragedy last week where our friend Richard Robinson aka Boring Wanker or Greatest Hasher Ever suffered an incident which resulted in his death. The Wizard wisely waited until the healthy group of 90 calmed itself and then delivered some well thought out words:
Richie Robinson:
The tragic and unexpected events last week on trail that led to the untimely death of Boring Wanker have undoubtedly affected us all and not just here at PH3. Richie was a very well known and highly respected hasher in many hash clubs in Pattaya and beyond, tributes have been sent from clubs all over Asia which is a testament to the impact that Richie made, wherever he hashed.
His relatively short time hashing with us was marked by his loyalty to the club and his friends, his generosity and willingness to give of his time and efforts freely, his dry sense of humour - which invariably led to calls for the bucket to be used, and of course his personal dignity and integrity.
Richie’s passing will leave a hole in many peoples’ lives - Black Panther his partner, his family back in the UK, hashing communities around the world and of course all of us that got to know him here in Pattaya.
Please take a few moments of silence to pay respects to Richie’s memory and to consider those who were directly or indirectly involved in the efforts to maintain his life last Monday.
RIP Boring Wanker
After a healthy couple of minutes of reflection and thoughts of Richie we got down to business. No virgins in sight today. GM the Wizard asked for a scribe volunteer and Fattus Maximus, Sauce for the Goose and General Kidney Wiper were observed cowering behind VV so the duty fell to some odd unnamed fellow. Circle Hash Flash, Spastic Whore King, using his short stature to hide in the crowd did his usual rounds capturing hashers. Dirt Looney was timed a 11 seconds delivering the plea for his charity. Long time missing committee member Beetroot said the hare line is golden until December giving Fattus Maximus high praise for his work raising hares.
Calls for New Shoes found GI Joe, sporting fancy new socks, pulled reluctantly into the circle where he started calling for Lady Squeeze to come and drink the beer out of his shoe for him, which being a good wife and partner she happily did. Maybe in his mind since he usually leads the new shoe song he felt he had no choice. Will he be a new candidate for Wanker of the Week… stay tuned.
Hares Glass Cow, Swing Low Sweet Testicles and virgin hare, Windmill Wanker were pulled into the circle to explain their run. An easy 3.5 km for the walkers and a somewhat harder run of 7.5 km. Glass Cow tried to confuse us by saying that the blue and red sticks marked checks but he was quickly corrected as to the difference.
Speedo Pete was the first runner back and was seen touching Boring Wanker’s picture in respect. After the run VV took good care of us with his delicious sandwich spread while Two Time was seen relaxing nearby. The French Connection, aka Something Stupid and crew plied the returning runners and walkers with wine from last weeks run. and many were overheard reflecting about Richie.
GM The Wizard called second circle at 6:22. .
Hash Trash: GM the Wizard tried to find out who had lost a nice pink hat. He suspected one of the women so decided to wait for the raffle when the Thai ladies crawl out of their hiding places around the circle.
Hash Crash: Visiting hasher Jesus… I mean Messiah claimed that the hill went down and his legs wanted to go up. Knob Marley said he heard feet behind him and became confused so fell down. Sick of Steve said that Knob Marley or his ghost probably pushed him as he was falling. Trail Hash Flash Mayo Queen, saw the camera falling and so had to quickly dive and catch it. GM the Wizard gave him some helpful tips about the camera strap and how to use it.
Something Stupid was given the lyrics to a hash song and told he would be called on later to share his singing talents.
Hares called to the Ice: GM the Wizard offered some constructive criticism by saying that there could have been more checks despite well laid hanging and shredded paper. Glass Cow explained that they were unable to find enough sticks when they ran out of the 50 kg pack Windmill Wanker was forced to carry. Generally good responses from the crowd. General Kidney Wiper complained that he was surrounded by sexy ladies until the hill after which he was forced to walk on his own. He was seen looking for interesting Thais to take a picture of but only found some cows. Talented French crooner Something Stupid amazed us with his beautiful and clear unaccented rendition of a hash song for the hares.
Raffle: Hot Hope with her sweet and patient demeanor, did the duty of calling out winners . I am sure many of us were thinking of Black Panther and her slow delivery of the numbers increasing anticipation for all. As soon as the Thai ladies appeared GM the Wizard tried unsuccessfully to find the owner of the mysterious pink hat. Stupid Kraut Cunt got ready to complain corruption at each number pull... does he even know what that means?
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Any Cock’ll Do aptly won some wine…French? Who knows. But he was able to cool it on the ice for bringing his towel into the circle.
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Velcro Dick took the laundry detergent while dreaming of finally washing his clothes.
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General Kidney Wiper grabbed the Thai whiskey complaining that it was not Scotch.
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Lady Squeeze aka GI Joes designated drinker finally appeared after being called 4 times to claim some beer. I think that pink hat would look good on her.
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Second circle hash flash YMCA grabbed some more whiskey but refused to let anyone take a picture of him.
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Leg Over nabbed a big tin of cookies.
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Don’t Call Me Steve got the shampoo he had been dreaming of.
RA Emperor Air Head came in from his camp with his 1960s era Ipad to take over the circle. He had a formidable agenda today.
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Hares were questioned about where and when they met. Seems it all came down to who had a car available. We learned that Windmill Wanker was paid to help out. But in general the hares were treated kindly for a well set run and great A site.
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Dirt Looney was pulled reluctantly into the circle. It seems that he used to live in the bucket but after 500 runs he has earned the privilege of choosing a new name. He demured but Emperor Airhead crowned him with a new hat proclaimed that he would be known going forth as Lord Looney.
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Dingo was called in with his lawyer Stupid Kraut Cunt. There was a lengthy discussion about how the Jade Bar had corrupted Dingo and SKC. Emperor Airhead seemed surprised that there was a gay cook... imagine that. We were told that Eating Monster shaved her schnauzer eliciting many laughs from the crowd as many didn’t know she has a new dog… or is that a pussy cat? Lawyer Stupid Kraut Cunt was heard saying “I know nothing”
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The Little Sparrow Family aka Dutch guys minus a few: Little Sparrow, Whore in the Window and new recruit from the land of wooden shoes Renee were called to the ice. After many many suggestions for a new name for former dental torturer Renee such as Tooth Fairy, Oral Cavity, Deep Rooter, Oral Fixation or Dr. Denture, the hash settled on Any Hole Will Do and he was duly anointed.
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Returners Giddy Up, Out of Order and Fingerless were called to the ice to explain themselves. Someone had to get Giddy Up to giddyup to the circle lest he enjoy the bucket. Giddy Up explained that he had been investigating the connection between an indigenous tribe’s use of penis sheaths and farming in Papua New Guinea. Fireman Out of Order explained that he is on a three month rotation between home and Thailand. Fingerless who was recently lost on a different hash said something about being entranced by well powdered English ladies back home.
GM The Wizard took back control. BB#2 and Beetroot were cautioned for not keeping their yaps shut. Awards were awarded: Any Cock’ll Do earned a 5 hared shirt to wear while he drinks his wine from the raffle. Swing Low Sweet Testicles earned his 5 hared shirt. Something Stupid earned a 20 hare shirt… I hope the rags guy got his size right. Sauce For The Goose got her well deserved 10 scribed shirt. Now she had something to wear when she goes back to New Zealand.
It was time for Wanker of the Week and if you were paying attention, you already know who was in the lead for the honor of the wooden spoon. GI Joe was called to the ice for forcing his wife to drink beer from his new shoe. Whore in the Window had a car accident. Mayo Queen for hiding in the back with towels over his head. Swing Low Sweet Testicles for having Lord of the Rings size feet. Of course GI Joe overwhelmly took the honors…he will no doubt give the spoon to Lady Squeeze to cook some food for him.
Aussie visitors Digger and Tumbles (which your scribe heard and recorded as Cum Balls) were called to ride the ice. It was noted that they look like twins. Tumbles was asked why he doesn’t sound like he comes from Western Australia and he explained that he was originally Lord Loony’s neighbor back in central Scotland. Digger complained about the poor nature of the hash singing in the PH3… was he referring to Something Stupid?
Escaped USA librarian from on the run from the library police ??? was renamed and christened Overdue. About time or as the librarians say it was long overdue.
The Hares conscripted proxy Shit Lips to sing a song for them. He sang a lengthy ribald ABC song from memory ending with XYZ stick it up your bum.
GM The Wizard led the final down down and hash song.
The On-On bar was Crackers Bar where many of us reflected on our dearly departed friend Richie aka Boring Wanker. On-Up.
On On Overdue