Hares for the run are Festering Streaker and Fini the Faggot. Both hares are very experienced and have a well deserved reputation. I am not exactly sure what the reputation is, but I hear it is well deserved.
Looks like another good crowd for the week. Lots of familiar faces and some we have not seen in a while, like King Yao Yao who was on an extended holiday of sun and fun in Northern Iraq. While milling around before the pre-run circle I overheard Sir Chicken F'r explaining to Chicken Nugget to stay near him during the run and that he was going to teach him some of the finer points of hashing. Not really sure why a person with 442 runs needs training so I expect to see them leading the pack.
The circle is formed and new shoes are brought in. Tadpole seemed none too happy that 2 of the 3 male runners choose to place the beer can in their shoe rather than pour it in and drink from the shoe. The hares are brought in to explain the run and we get the usual watch for cows and barbwire and the paper is white and checks red (yada yada yada). The hares point to where the paper begins and the front runners are off. The usual crowd is leading the way (German Shepherd, Woo’s Woo’s Ballwasher, G.I. Joe and one or two from the Cabbage family). There is a little confusion early on as the FRB’s never find paper, seems the paper was a little thin early on and they ran right by the starting point. Luckily I was following the very experienced Mrs. Head who quickly found the paper and found myself in the very unusual position of front of the pack. The early terrain was narrow and difficult for the FRB’s to pass the slower runners that were now leading the pack. I had a feeling right then that I was going to enjoy this run. The grass was very high and visibility short. It reminded me of the pygmy tribe in Africa that live in the high grass and run around all day yelling “wherethefugarewe”. After clearing through the trail the hares obviously blazed for the run, we entered some open fields that allowed the runners to get out and make up some time. Two or three times I saw Seaman Stains walking off in directions other than being called by the front runners. I originally thought he was scouting out the area for a future run and then when he did not respond to calls started to worry that he might be doing a “Peler”. Luckily I later saw him back at the truck so he must have just been doing a “stains”
We came to the first check. I was told that the hares gave some advance information to Jello Butt on how to break the first two checks. He was told that it was a difficult run and they needed the help of a front runner they could trust to quickly break the first couple of checks to get the run done in time. Jello Butt took their advice hook, line and sinker and darted off in the wrong direction. I will have to talk with Jello Butt as I have a bridge for sale in Brooklyn that he might be interested in. The first check is fairly long and allows the pack to reform before it is solved. Luckily I followed the correct of the two on-calls. I was soon overtaken again by G.I. Joe and Linguini Weeny among others (but not for the last time). The next couple of checks again allowed us slower people to catch up and see where to go. I was a little surprised that Jello Butt was not meandering at either check as he is known to do. For all I know he was still running left at the first check. Some of the false trails must have been pretty long as after going through the third check F the truth (normally up near the front) slowly stumbled past me mumbling something, I did not hear everything but I did hear “knackered, ,,,,, Bangkok, ,,,,, fitness. After the third check I could hear On-On from three different directions. I then decided it would be a wise move to stay on paper.
The first half of the run was enjoyable and well prepared. The hares added some touches to the second half that I have never seen in my short hash career. The first was they added a risk/reward by running us 150 meters down one side of a barbed wire fence and then 150 meters back on the other side. The front runners were only feet away but for me the reward of being a short lived FRB did not outweigh the probable pain and suffering by trying to get over the fence. They then ran us around the outside of a in-progress(?) government sponsored housing estate (future slum). Once they had everyone fooled that we would skirt the construction site, they ran us right through the middle. The hares apparently have some interest in selling the units in the estate as they ran us right through the middle of two of the showrooms. I was fooled by the loop just before entering the estate and lost contact with the other runners. Luckily No More Cum, Tadpole, and Mrs. Head were not far behind as the last two checks were not broken and we actually had to do some work on our own.
About 20 minutes after getting back to the “A” site Sir Chicken F'r and Chicken Nugget were seen coming in from another direction. Sir Chicken F'r mentioned something about getting lost in a housing estate. Nugget then muttered something about dad having a “senior moment” and that he was going to lead next time. Should be fun to watch.
The circle: The hares are brought in and received a very good report from the runners. Words like clever, fun, interesting were used. Seemed like almost all the people enjoyed the run.
Seamen Swallow is given the circle to perform the raffle. Everything is going smoothly until Fini the Faggot states that he is impartial and wants to pick the next number. He picks none other than the number of the other half of the Stains family (Seamen Stains). Right when the murmur of a fix begins the quick thinking Seamen Swallow ices both the winner and picker. My number is called shortly after for what must be my first lottery win of this millennium. I knew I was going to like this run.
Are you sure (200 run mug) and Bottomless Pit (300th run today) are brought in for anniversaries. Sir Chicken F'r and some crack are brought in for birthdays. Two visitors are then brought in one from the KL Hash and the other thinks he is from the West London Hash.
Rabbit Shooter brought in for Hash Crash. He fell in a hole and did a header. Luckily he broke the fall with his arm and had the mark to prove it. Eyewitnesses stated that he jumped right up after the fall and motored on like a good hasher will.
Selected Returners were called in with the most notable being King Yao Yao. Virgins and their sponsors were then brought in and it was duly noted that they all made it back safely and all were properly attired.
Emperor Airhead in and ices the hares! Words like good, great, terrific, clever, the best, etc. fill the air once more. The Emperor is ill now! Actually – sick to his stomach! Was it because of the sandwich he ate earlier! Hell no! It was because all of the “sugar coated shit” that was filling the air around him! He could hardly breath! Yes, a good run was voted! Emperor Airhead brings in the Beer Commissioner – F’ing Dog and reviews the “beer police options” – ice, bucket, or pop beer! Tonight’s beer police – Captain Prickhard and Absolutely No F’ing Idea did a great job! Hellboy and Martin Beiner iced – Martin received the hash name “One Eyed Trouser Snake” for his continuing practice of “snake milking” to help those bitten by the slimy creatures!
GM in and iced: Jello Butt, Really Sadistic Bastard, and G.I. Joe for getting Sheihk Meme totally drunk on the Jungle Hash. Meme was seen stumbling around the Soi Kao Noi area very late Sunday night and very early Monday AM. G.I. Joe was iced again and congratulated for “leaving his motorbike tied up” in front of The Thistle Bar and getting other transportation home Sunday evening. Sir Chicken F’r in and iced Capt. Prickhard of using SCF’s crystal mug as a urinal. SCF’r brought in Tongpoon Somchit – to show her off, and thank her for “cumming” to his Birthday today. It was also noted that it was her birthday today! SCF’r thought that it would be a good idea to get together and exchange “birthday presents” later. Bjorn Holbaek was iced to determine if he used condoms during sex! As he was a Liberace look alike, he was cautioned to use them! Liberace didn’t and shortened his life! King Yao-Yao iced and stories told about his “lack of sexual activity” during his recent employment. It seems since he has returned, to Thailand, this same problem exists! It seems like the Queen has departed upcountry to harvest rice! Only the “Court Jester” could verify if this were true! But, behold! The Court Jester was no where to be found! He had also left the local area to harvest rice! Or was it to plant seed!
Empty Spermbank iced for “playing with a” One Eyed Trouser Snake! No, it’s not what your think! It was his own! SCF’r and Fini in for wearing “cowboy neckerchiefs”! SCF’r commented that they were only living their past experiences “on Brokeback Mountain”. Jello Butt in and iced GM and Festering Streaker – explaining that the “bucket” must be used each time it is placed in the circle. Festering Streaker for lying to Jello Butt about checks on today’s run. Seaman Stains, Barnacle Bollox, and Sir Chicken F’r serenaded the circle with the “Barnacle Bill” song. A great laugh was had by all.
Hares in for their hare song! Payback was now fitting as Jello Butt was placed in the bucket. Seaman Stains conducted the Hash Hymn with the remaining hasher’s. Many hasher’s departed earlier due to the chilly temperature. The bus departed for tonight’s On-On at Classroom 2. Thank you Phil and Classroom 2 staff for hosting the PH3.
On-On until next week!
Swollen Woo Woo