Well it’s that time of year again, the PH3 Xmas run (22nd), my birthday (24th) and a bloke named Jesus (25th). Jesus doesn’t run anymore just sits with the non running drinkers and Norwegians trying to change their immoral ways, good luck Jesus. Said he doesn’t run because he’s got sore hands & feet. Jesus is from the Jerusalem HHH and used to run from the Romans every Monday. Trails marked with shredded parchment, checks were red crosses, with pilgrams attached. Tells everyone was a FRB, always knew where the parchment was never took a wrong turn at a check and was unbelievable at crossing water, always first runner on in. In those days there was no ice, so misbehavers, noisy bastards & virgins had a choice of being stoned or crucified. On his last run Jesus and his mum, who was a virgin, were called into the circle last and unfortunately there was nothing left to get stoned with because visitors from PH3 (Airhead and friends) had been called into the circle first, got stoned and left nothing for the others so he was crucified. That was 2000 years ago and he still complains about those bastards from the PH3. Today a few PH3 runners still practice the ancient ceremony and get stoned.
Today’s Hares have nearly 2000 runs between them and have hared hundreds. Today’s ‘A’ site is a familiar one, not too far out of town, up Phoenix CC Road. Circle starts with down downs for virgins and Liberace’s new shoes. Hares Emperor Airhead (Santa) and his helpers Queen Stella and Tadpole tells us about paper and checks and off we go. The run starts with me leading from the rear into the long grass then uphill and downhill to dirt roads and tapioca, good long checks and FT’s, One check saw GI Joe go left, Jello Butt go straight ahead so I waited for someone stupid enough to go up a steep hill! When I got to the top of the hill I heard the On On call half way down and to the left so I short cut to rejoin the middle of the pack. I did pick a couple of the right trails at checks and was an FRB for about 3 minutes. I must be getting old Miserable C*** was ahead of me and running! Then Bottomless Pit ran passed me again and I think he was singing! I’m passed by a Festering Streaker with a Swollen Woo Woo a Terminal Foreskin a Beverley Hills Pink Cock an Extra Testicle a Ball Ringer and a Ball Washer, a Lone Wolf with an Empty Spermbank and No More Cum, a German Shepherd and a Greyhound with Ringworm. No dogs, no barbed wire, no cattle, no mud, no water, no ki chang, no bees, no problem, lots of sand. Near the end we climb a mountain, Liberace’ resting halfway looking for oxygen, I go another 10 meter then do the same, Pinkaboo arrives with water and on up we go left at the top and on in. Very good run. A bit like me, not too long and not too hard. Merry Xmas to all.
On On
Rear Gunner
The Circle:
After a very skillfully laid run and a very enjoyable social hour, the GM called the circle to order. Today’s hares – Santa (Emperor Airhead) and his beautiful helper (Queen Stella) entered the circle to enjoy the ice. The other member of the hare trio (vivacious Tadpole) was still working hard attempting to locate a lost runner on the trail. The entire group of runner’s and walker’s agreed that today’s run was an excellent run! A bad RA would have his thoughts about the run later!
In the absence of Tadpole, the lovely Flipper conducted the raffle assisted by Free Willy. Someone remarked that “Free Willy should be wearing the Santa outfit that Emperor Airhead had on”! Only because he would not have needed the pillow that was needed by the Emperor! Shame on you Streaker! Raffle winner’s included: Chicken Legs, Squeeze My Tube (2), No More Cum, E.T (2), Up The Butt, Dr. Dick, Open Zoo (2), Ball Ringer, and Cupid Stud!
Business was conducted by the GM: Awards – Ball Ringer 200 Run shirt, Fowl Fucker 350 Run shirt, and Miserable C. 350 Run. Many returners’ were welcomed back – most notably: Dr. Dick, Fowl Fucker, Salvatore, E.T. and other’s! No More Cum was the only truthful leaver this week. Visitor’s introduced and welcomed. Business finished and the circle turned over to Sir Chicken F’r.
Since all of the hares had finally returned, SCF’r iced the hares! Once again, SCF’r determined that today’s run was very well planned and enjoyable! Nice job hares! The circle was turned over to the hares to give their Xmas awards to the lucky “red Christmas ball” discoverers. It seems like Jello Butt was the only one to find “two of the red balls”! He was forced to give one of them away and chose to give it to Rabbit Shooter’s youngest daughter! For Jello Butts efforts, he received a “hair dryer”! What would a bald man use a hair dryer for? Drying his “red balls”, of course! The young lady, Miss Ammanee, won a very nice bottle of liquor!
Emperor Airhead iced Rabbit Shooter and found out that he brought his daughter to the run this week because he might require a “designated driver” which he did not have last time! Be careful – it’s a jungle out there! The hares sang their “hare song”! Yes, the only one that Emperor Airhead knows “One Eyed Trouser Snake”. Tadpole and Queen Stella attempted to dance to the delight of the circle!
Our bus driver, Jonny Tralala, was presented with a Christmas gift (a hat full of baht) donated in the seasonal spirit by the circle hasher’s. Thanks to all for your contributions!
GM in and iced all the French – Bills Bitch, V V, A. Marie and Nicolas Sivel. Bam-Bam entered, filled the ice with SCF’r, Jello Butt, and others and sang a great Christmas song about “a hasher Christmas and a full truck of beer”. SCF’r iced A. Marie and Nicolas Sivel and conducted a course on “safe sex and condom’s”. Little did he know that they had recently gotten married and “refused to use a condom” for the profound reason of “family enlargement”. Beer Police – Screw Me and Scarlet in – because Scarlet was too slow in sitting on the ice, he was put in the bucket! GM iced – Bottomless Pit and Scarlet - Bottomless Pit was heard to state that “Scarlet had a beautiful ass” and it was a shame that he couldn’t get his shorts down to show it! Rule 6 violation on the “Brew Master”! SCF’r iced – Katie and Ruth Borrud and the other virgins to enjoy the ice as “his Xmas present to them” and told a non-repeatable Xmas story. You will burn in “Hell” with the rest of us SCF’r!
Festering Streaker iced – SCF’r, Spag. Head, Dr. Dick, T-4 and others to find out why no one was wearing the most famous “Christmas shirt” which SCF’r designed. Of course, only one hasher would wear that shirt! Arse-holeo just happened to be wearing it today! Into the bucket Neville! Ball Ringer and Jello Butt into the bucket! Ball Ringer could not reach the ice and water with his “arse” and was assisted by Free Willy to get into it.
Barnacle Bollox and Free Willy started to put the finishing touches on a great day with a song and a joke! Seaman Stains entered and conducted the Hash Hymn in the proper PH3 manner. The bus loaded up and was seen racing towards town and TQ2. The PH3 would like to thank “the management and staff of TQ2” for hosting us this week! Happy Holidays to everyone from the PH3! On-On!