Only back in Thailand for ten days and again I am the run scribe. I can only assume that Pattaya is still populated by mostly aged and retired illiterates.
Another Monday. Another marvelous, winter day in Pattaya. I saw on CNN during the week that in my hometown of St. Cloud, Minnesota the temperature was -24 degrees F. -38 in Winnipeg, just north of Minnesota. Isn't it great to be in Pattaya, Thailand? No sign of snow, the leaves don't even change color.
Anyway, while I was waiting for the bus to pick us up, G.I. Joe informed everyone that there was no bus today. Two or three baht buses would transport us to the A-site. I quickly remembered the last time I went to a Monday run in a baht bus. The baht bus drivers demanded more money when they got to the A-site and Spaghetti Head told them to f**k off. Everyone walked back to Pattaya!!!I certainly hoped that this would not happen again. G.I. Joe assured me everything was under control. After a short ride down Siam Country Club Road and then a left turn past Areeya Estate, we came to a magnificent A-site. Well-chosen by the hare, Bam Bam. Large, open and plenty of room for the cars, motorcycles and Free Willy to set up shop. Bam Bam told us that yes he did have one friend and co-hare, but that his co-hare and friend, Running Dick, had runny awayy. Apparently he was making a hotel purchase on behalf of the Dick family - Alien Dick, Chicken Dick, Floppy Dick, Needle Dick, Pencil Dick (Saigon H3), Little Richard and Teeny Weeny. Sitting on ice, Bam Bam informed us that the Dick family was purchasing the Linda Bar and Hotel on Walking Street in South Pattaya. I've always said that there were a lot of dicks in the Linda Bar, so how appropriate that it is now owned by the Dick family.
About 4:40pm around 100 runners, joggers and walkers set off on the run past a cement block wall, down a dirt road and then right onto a small trail. We kept circling and circling and circling to the right. Eventually we did about 345 degrees, maybe 350 and were almost back at the A-site. (Before I became a high school Principal, I was a high school mathematics teacher). As the beer truck was now in sight and only about 20 meters away, this was the sign for the already thirsty SCB's to short cut and stand guard over the beer truck for the remainder of the run. As I was the appointed run scribe, I could not join them. We continued on into the bush, through some tapioca and onto some more dirt roads and smaller trails. I was running with Drippy at this time and it looked like we were coming to a major highway. Bam Bam obviously knows how to get hash shit - run everybody across the highway; and how to avoid hash shit - do NOT run everybody across the highway. So we made a left hand turn just before the highway and ran parallel to the highway for a few hundred meters. As we were running, a car pulled up and honked at us. It was Tampax - probably scouting next week's Bush run in the same area. Bam Bam told us that all the checks were red, but after about twenty minutes we came to an orange check. Everyone was baffled. Was this Bam Bam's 'red' check? Or an old one from a previous run? After quite some time checking, the melodious voice of G.I. Joe was finally heard calling "on-on". I got to the next check just as Jello Butt was coming back with a small group of runners who had run down the false trail. I thought that I could drift (or draft?) in behind him just like the race car drivers do to save gas and energy, but he was too fast and soon disappered over a small hill. G.I. Joe came along and I drifted (or drafted?) in behind him for quite some time. I was previously successful in this drifting (I think we call it tailgating where I come from) when Tadpole slowly came past me. I got in behind her long legs and this did wonders for both my endurance and my stamina. I also found that my imagination is much younger than the rest of my body!!! Running behind the semi-naked Jello Butt did nothing for me. I spent most of the rest of the run with Madd Maxx (Ringworm). He kept insisting that we were running the wrong way as he walked his dog here and knew exactly where we were. Finally after about fifty minutes we came to the cement block wall and I knew that the finish was just around the corner. So I shifted into another gear and ran past several of the real runners. After a few hundred meters, I realized this was not the same wall, but only a similar looking one. Now breathless and f**ked from my amazing finishing sprint, most of the runners that I had just passed now ran past me again. Finally, Madd Maxx (Ringworm) came along - still insisting that we were all running the wrong way. Finally we did find the correct cement block wall and the A-site and I came in on the heels of King Yao Yao and Madd Maxx. An excellent run of about one hour. Well done Bam Bam. Well done Spaghetti Head in your new 25-Year shirt. Well done G.I. Joe for all the on-on's and organizing the baht buses. I am certainly ready for next week's really big weekend.
On-on,
E.T.
The circle:
As the last rays of sunlight were disappearing, and the old GM’s heart rate and blood pressure were finally coming back down to normal, tonight’s circle was called together. Rear Gunner was given a down-down and congratulated for his excellent job as scribe last week! The lone hare, Bam-Bam, was iced and he told a heart-wrenching story (mostly BS) about today’s other missing hare - Running Dick. The runner’s were very vocal in voicing their opinions for a “good run”! The Emperor, of course, would decide this matter later.
Seaman Swallow conducted the raffle in her usual professional manner! She started by icing the noisy Hell Boy, Bottomless Pit, and Bill’s Bitch. Quiet was quickly obtained! Winner’s included: G.I. Joe, Sausage Queen, Honda Dream, Fini (2), Frog Licks It’s Dick, Sir Frog, Lance My Arse A Lot, and Ragcakes. Wim Deforche was the winner of the “Free Run” ticket, but as he was late entering the circle to claim it, he received the consolation prize – a wet, cold seat in the bucket! When you snooze – you lose! Tonight’s anniversary’s were dealt with (as per stats report).
Emperor Airhead iced Bam-Bam and once again the circle voted for a good run! King Yao-Yao iced and a story told about taking Queen Stella out for a beautiful Christmas Dinner consisting of “pizza”! The Emperor advised the King that he must “pay if you want to play”! A hash hero for protecting the “hard earned money” that he had earned recently in the war zone!
Fini and Harry Potter iced for sleeping in the park over night, while in Bangkok. It seems like it worked out well for Fini, as he woke up to find baht in his pockets and in his hand! Rule 6 is alive and well on the PH3! Bjorn Holbaek given his new name “Liberace”. Wim Deforche given the name “My Girlfriend Knows I’m Gay”.
GM iced VV and told about his dancing with “the men in brown” at the intersection of Pattaya Klang. This story will definitely be continued after “court” is held, and/or the “big payoff” is made! Remember – that when you “walk with the young boys, hand in hand, in Boys Town”, talk with a “beautiful lady, in Linda Bar”, or do the “two step on Klang, with the men in brown” – someone will always see you!
Sir Chicken F’r iced RSB and T-4 and related a long story about T-4’s inability to operate the ATM machine! Questions like – please enter your “pimps number”; “how much do you want”; “please remove your cash”; and “transaction refused” – insufficient funds! All of this and he was only trying to make a 100 baht deposit! Yes, T-4 has “lost the plot”!
Beer Commissioner – F’n Dog, and tonight’s volunteer beer police – Stinky Sloppy Seconds and Single Cell – commended for a “job well done”! Sir Chicken F’r filled the ice with the “hair coloring” individual’s – E.T., Fini, F The Truth, Arse-Holeo, and related stories told about the selection of “color tones”! Damn, if Rule 6 isn’t running rampant in the PH3. Emperor Airhead has obviously lost control! How could this happen?
GM entered and iced Greyhound. It was noted that Greyhound liked his favorite beer “Leo” and was saving the cans by sending them to the recycle area “over the wall” instead of placing them in the provided trash cans! Hash Trash was awarded for his “neglect” of proper disposal.
Sir Chicken F’r iced Miserable C and told about his long past car accident involving drinking! It seems he was “well lubricated” recently and hadn’t learned his lesson! It was also noted that he was talking to an individual who was in his bathroom mirror! Sure enough, he kissed the person who he was talking to – and the mirror broke! Dr. Dick “the dick doctor” iced to find out whether he was still walking around “nude” in his house and having sex with the young “friends and relatives” who were living there! No solid conclusion was determined.
Honda Dream iced and accused of eating “too many” Christmas dinner’s recently! The question of “sex” arose and he stated that “he only had sex while lying on his back” because the ladies enjoyed riding his large round hump/stomach! Just where is this Monday hash going too? Hell in a hand basket!
GM iced Seaman Stains and Cupid's Stud for talking during the entire circle. Both of these individual’s are Merchant Seaman and can “BS” stories with the best story teller’s! But, Seaman Stains could not beat Cupid's Stud story of holding up 226 other academy classmates! Yes, the story is true as Cupid's Stud finished 227th in his graduating class! Moral of the story! Lead, follow, or provide support to others!
Bam-Bam in to sing his hare song about the Pattaya Hash! Arse-Holeo and Seaman Stains in to drink the last down-downs. Seaman Stains conducted the Hash Hymn assisted by Free Willy and others! The baht buses departed for tonight’s On-On, at Secrets. A big “thank you” to the staff and management of Secrets for hosting the PH3 tonight!
The Mismanagement would like to remind everyone about the long “Holiday Hashing Weekend” on the 3rd, 4th, and 5th of January. Have a Happy and Safe New Year!