After a short drive out along Soi Siam Country Club rd, nice and close to home, I turned right just past the Wat and somehow managed to plunge through a worm hole and reappear in the Simpson desert in outback Australia and amazingly there in the middle of the Desert was the beer truck, Clit Face and Spag conducting sign-ups for the others who had found the same worm hole.
Suddenly along with the tumbling tumble weeds, a multi trailered cattle truck (Road Train in Oz) appeared from a cloud of Desert dust, oops my mistake it's only Barnacle Bollox in his Ute (Aussie Truck) with the ugliest kid i've ever seen hanging his head out of the back, oops wrong again, it's Bertie the wonder Beagle, ugliest Beagle i've ever seen, taken a few whacks with the ugly stick that pooch.
Anyway the bus eventually appears from the wormhole as well and after sign ups and some idle chat, the GM Spag Head calls all of the pooches including Bertie the wonder Beagle to circle up, thanks everyone who assisted in the previous weeks 25th anniversary run, held in conditions at the opposite end of the A site spectrum I might add, lavish green pasture with plenty of shade, unlike todays desert, while this is happening Bertie the wonder Beagle thinks he has found a sausage that Clit Face has hidden in the front of his pants and Clit Face is having a hard time convincing the determined Bertie that he isn't packing, GM then invites todays Hares, Bell End and her other insignificant half Ball Ringer the Human Canary to describe todays run, usual stuff white paper (some of it badly faded) red checks and blue FT's and it starts over there.
And their off in a cloud of dust that would put a Sahara desert dust storm to shame, hard to tell who was leading the pack in all that dust, all I know as a back marker was that I could here GI Joe's robust On On being called and not Jellobutt's feabile, some say non existant calls.
After about a Km or so of desert highway the trail veered off through another worm hole and we where back in Thailand and the usual Cassava fields at which point Seaman Stains was seen to exit stage left, mumbling something about too dusty and too flat, (claiming later to have done a third of the trail, sorry buddy try a 1/10 of it) onto the first of many checks and the FRB's have cleared out to the point that I can no longer here Joe calling, at least the dust has settled a little and it no longer feels like i'm walking behind Rommel's Afrika Korp Tank division.
All of the usual back markers are spread out over a few hundred metres, Sir Chicken Molester, Sir Flying Amphibian, Jack the oldest hasher in the known universe (aka Rambo WW2) and most of the cracks and Oh and of course me, On On we go, having to semi solve some of the checks because none of those racing FRB's had bothered to take some of the paper from the checks and mark true trail, more Cassava, more pineapples, more burnt out grass, amazingly the paper that Ball Ringer the Human Canary had laid over the previous 6 mths that it would have taken to lay it, has survived the burning season, I must ask him some time where he gets his all weather, fire proof paper from, it stands up really well to the 6 mths exposure to the elements.
After about 50 mins of what I have now come to call the "Drunken Sailor" trail layout, the Human Canary is now becoming famous for, because it has more Zig and Zag to it than a drunken sailors foot prints, I here On On's being called away in the distance, by yes, you guessed it, GI Joe, and thankfully spot the very front of the pack away to our left on another Zig, or was that a Zag, not sure, mai jing and do the only honorable back marker thing and take a short cut, and a magnificent one it was too, any day I can have Jellobutt run past me is a good day for me, I always remind him as he runs past, that you know your having a bad day when you run past Bam Bam, that far into the trail hahahahaha.
Shortly after he passed me, we came to an unbroken check and for the first time in my short hashing life, I didn't find Jellobutt having to do some shoe lace maintenance, he was actually running around like a Headless Chook (Aussie Chicken) changing directions every few strides and when I called "Are You" i'm pretty sure his reply was "Chooking" and not checking, i've now come to the conclusion that it was a totally new experience for him and he was unsure what it was he had to do.
Eventually On On called by yes, that man, GI Joe and everyone is off for some more Zig and Zag and now the race is on for me, because my only true aim each week, is to not let Jack the oldest hasher in the known universe, beat me back to the A site, luckily Jack was finding the soft sand hard going and I managed to break away and all of a sudden I popped back through the worm hole, and there like an oasis in the desert, was the beer truck waiting for me.
ON ON
Bam Bam
The Circle:
As the temperature dropped lower and the last light of day faded away, the GM called the circle to order. The hares, Ball Ringer and Bell End, were iced and both walkers and runners raised their voices for a good run! Tonight’s bad RA, Sir Chicken F’r, would have the decisive vote later. It’s very strange how SCF’r can change from being good to being bad so quickly – but, switch hitter’s are that way I guess! Sometimes, they hug and kiss you and other times they hit you with their new pocketbook!
Seaman Swallow conducted the raffle and filled the bucket and ice with “butts” both large and small. Cabbage Knievel, Stinky Sloppy Seconds, Free Willy, Really Sadistic Bastard, Bam-Bam, and Woo Woo’s Ballwasher got to view the raffle from private seats on ice and in the bucket while Skiing Finn, Cabbage Flaps, Bell End, Squeeze My Tube, Pebbles, and others enjoyed their winnings!
Normal business was conducted by the GM: Awards – Pinkaboo – 50 Runs; Bam-Bam – 50 Run Mug; and Mrs. Head – 350 Runs! Returner’s welcomed back; leaver’s told to FO; visitors welcomed; and virgins and sponsor’s congratulated for being properly attired!
SCF’r iced RSB, Harry Potter, Velcro Dick, Daniel Bone and placed Retard Wanker in the bucket to make these individual’s just as cold as the other hashers in the circle were! SCF’r continued with “a virgin” Reinhold Colpaert on the ice. It seems the virgin was bumming cigarettes from many other hashers – namely, Quarter Pounder With Cheese and Barnacle Bollox. He later upgraded his “mooching” to asking and obtaining cigars! While Quarter Pounder with Cheese was on the ice, he told 2 very funny jokes which had a few individual’s actually wetting their pants! Good job Dai.
Queen Stella, requested and was give the circle to find out who had left a blue towel and a mixed fruit condom laying around the circle last week. Her search succeeded when Scarlet admitted that they belonged to his roommate “for the night – Estonia F’r! Rule 6 Scarlet! Barnacle Bollox was iced for bringing his dog to the run tonight! It seems SCF’r mistook the dog for looking the same as one of his missing ex-wives! Barnacle Bollox then related a story about his “old dog” wrecking the house chasing after a “took-kae” in the middle of the night!
SCF’r had tonight’s “hash crash”, G.I. Joe on the ice! It seems G.I. Joe was supporting the Green Peace movement – by kissing a tree during the run! Ball Ringer and Bell End congratulated for finding the largest, dustiest, and coldest A-site this year! My Girlfriend knows I’m Gay was caught trying to find out who a certain male hasher was pictured in a photo – only because he wanted to prove to his girlfriend that “in fact” he was really gay! Another Rule 6 violation on the PH3!
GM iced Lingui Weeny, V V, and Garbage Collector for talking too much around the beer truck; being next weeks hare’s; volunteering to help as Beer Police; and tripping over Barnacle Bollox’s dog on the run! SCF’r iced for distributing inferior “condoms” for the past couple of weeks. He was also noticed on a recent aircraft flight with 7 children who were being returned to his “condom factory” because of being complaints!
Barnacle Bollox entertained the circle with a short song. The last remaining down-down’s were drunk and Seaman Stains led the remaining hashers in the Hash Hymn! The bus then departed for BJ Bar at the Jasmine Hotel just off of Walking Street. Thanks to Hell Boy and the staff at BJ’s for hosting the PH3 this evening.
As a side note – Seaman Stains was seen picking through the trash cans and removing large empty Tiger bottles. It seems that Seaman Stains is having “home brew beer” withdrawals since Uncle Pervy has gone back to Canada and he has decided to brew his own “home brew”! Guaranteed we will hear more on this rumor as it continues to ferment and pop!
On-On until next week!