Well, here it is, Monday again! I’ve got to drive for that noisy PH3 group again. The bus is cleaned, fueled, and all ready to go! I’ll try and get to 2nd Road as close to 3:30 as possible, cause that always gets their hearts pumping when I’m a little late. I can just see that short GM’s face turning red when he gets the call from G.I. Joe that the bus is not here yet! Ha! Ha!
Well, traffic to 2nd Road wasn’t too bad today! Damn! Didn’t want to be this early – they’ll expect me to be early every week now! Wow! A large group of runner’s today! Oh, there’s Dr. Chang drinking already with his bosom buddy – Retard Wanker, those guys are inseparable – I wonder if they really do sleep together? Well, Squeeze My Tube and G.I. Joe are here – they always treat me ok, so it can’t be a bad day after all.
Loaded up with about 40 runners and ready to go up Siam Country Road – damn, do I ever hate this road! Traffic, traffic, and more traffic! The A-site is always so damn hard to get to and get into to no matter where they have it. Wow! Look at this A-site – you can park at least 500 cars and 10 busses here! No, for sure, V V cannot be the hare – he always has me go on dirt roads and overgrow fields to park! Damn he is today’s hare with that Weeny guy – Weeny Linguini! Well, so much for my bus remaining clean. I’ll have mud and shit everywhere!
Finally, everyone is signed up, Spaghetti Head has made his announcements, and we’re off –following the Weeny man! Damn! Duck shit! Shit Thru A Duck must be leading the pack again! Oh, now I understand why Jello Butt is not running today! He knows he can never catch Shit Thru A Duck. I can hear G.I. Joe calling way up ahead. I bet German Shepard and Woo Woo’s Ballwasher are hot on his tail. Cabbage Knievil, Timmy Tight Pants, Pig Pusher Swine Stabber, Festering Streaker, and Fini can’t be too far behind. Yes, Sheikh Meme is probably off short cutting with Greyhound, Bam-Bam, RSB, and Sir Chicken F’r!
Wow! This run is really good today! V V and the Weeny man have set a great trail with clever checks and cutbacks! They even put a big loop in to keep most of us together. Damn! There’s blood on that tree – I bet Woo Woo’s Ballwasher joined G.I. Joe’s – hug a tree, Green Peace movement. When will those guys realize that – tree’s are grown for making shit paper, Monopoly money, and Thai traffic tickets. Well, finally back to this dusty A-site with the cold beer and hamburgers! Darn, if Chicken Legs, Flipper, and Sweetie aren’t looking good! Emperor Airhead is finally coming in – hot, sweaty, and with 2 ladies on his arm’s. Wow! What a lucky man he is!
Well, the GM is finally calling the circle – I might get the bus early back to the Wat tonight after all. He ices V V and Linguini Weeny and everyone indicates that it was a great run! Emperor Airhead will settle this later! The always helpful and loveable Flipper conducts the raffle assisted by the incoming GM – Free Willy. Winners included: Velcro Dick, Horse Dick, John Brewer, Sausage Queen (she wins every week), Chicken Legs, Sir Frog, Bow-Wow, and Stinky Sloppy Seconds (Free run ticket). Dr. Dick is put into the bucket for trying to “ka-mooi” a raffle prize with the wrong ticket number.
Spag. Head conducts the normal business: Awards – Mad Cow – 100 runs (it has only taken him 18 years to achieve this); Snoopy – 200 runs; Mrs. Head – 350 run shirt; Spaghetti Head – 52 hare shirt. Returnee’s welcomed back; Leaver’s – Mad Cow (told to FO); Hash crash – Woo Woo’s Ballwasher and Fini The Faggot recognized.
Emperor Airhead entered the circle carrying the dreaded “hash shit awards” and iced V V and Linguini Weeny. He tried to give the hares “hash shit” for being in a dust bowl, doing a long but clever run, and picking the largest parking lot for the A-site. But, the Emperor was overruled! The circle voted for a great run. Iced: Lone Wolf, Hell Boy, and Harry Potter to tell a “very sordid” story about Harry Potter’s business and recreational haunt’s – after which he renamed Harry Potter – “Dirty Harry”!
GM brought a virgin – Eugene Poffe - a professional magician – into the circle. Eugene entertained us with a few of his tricks, but his best trick was viewed later when he turned Sheikh Meme’s body parts – some bald and some black!
SCF’r iced Sheikh Meme to talk about his missing head of hair. It seems that he lost his hair as part of a bet for charity! Do we really believe that! Hell no! Retard Wanker in the bucket – where he usually lives while at the PH3. V V and Fini iced for 10 years on the PH3. When they first came to the PH3 they were holding hands and doing porn films! Yes, it is believable! Scarlet iced about his girlfriends names – Noi, Toy, and Katoy! But, it was later learned that he had a fourth – named Boy! Damn! Rule 6 again Scarlet!
Tampax and Nittaya iced: story told about high school graduation, now college enrollment, and next a hotel management business! Yes, you guessed it – all funded by the soon-to-be broke – Tampax! Single Cell and My GF Knows I’m Gay iced for holding hands on the run! Was Single Cell the individual that My GF Knows I’m Gay was trying to find out who he was in the photo last week?
Sir Frog iced all the large group of Belgium’s – only because they are Belgium! Sweetie: voted “Hash Hero” for the great job that she has been doing taking care of the Beer Truck the past 2 weeks!
Sheikh Meme iced: V V, Linguini Weeny – for doing a great run on a postage stamp area; Shit Thru A Duck for being the front runner – and coming back to break the check. Eugene Poffe, Jerorn – virgin, Dog Pimp, Barnacle Bollox, Bam-Bam iced – Sheikh Meme reminded all hasher’s not to bring beer into the circle by using their beers as a “beer shampoo”! Be warned for the future!
Bam-Bam iced the hares and sang the “hares song”! Barnacle Bollox in and sang a song about “Liverpool Lou”! Seaman Stains in to conduct the Hash Hymn! A great night was had by all! As I departed with the bus, as usual, in my rear view mirror was Sheikh Meme running after me – still trying to short cut! A short drive to Pattaya Klang to dump off the runner’s, walkers, and wankers for there On-On Piss Up a the new Boomerang Bar (the old Outback). Thanks to the Boomerang Bar and staff for hosting the PH3 this evening! Damn! Now I’ll go home, sort out the trash, have a beer and FO until next Monday!
Johnny Tralala – your always reliable bus driver!