Well, here I am opposite Lotus, on Sukhumvit, meeting with BALLRINGER & REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD for another PH3 Monday event. It’s also a good time to see the other French connections – GARBAGGE COLLECTOR & LINGUINI WEENY! The bus is driven by JOHN TRALALA, assisted by his “shotgun rider” and “seeing eye dog” G.I. JOE. Joe is giving him directions to the A-site that is located on Phoenix Golf Course Road. We saw a big A-site, similar to this one, just last Monday large enough to park a lot of cars and busses also. The GM, SPAGHETTI HEAD, called everybody to form the circle for his last time as the GM. Yes, today is the annual AGM Run. The hares WOO WOO'S BALLWASHER (2nd time) and his virgin VELCRO quickly explained about the run. The group followed the fast GERMAN SHEPHERD who was doing a large loop trying to find the starting trail paper. We are on a track, in the very high grass, and continue crazily following the paper. The first check is not difficult!
It goes straight but, I short cut to the left side with SKIING FINN. We are near the lake but, nobody else is around! We go back to the right side now! Across the long and beautiful carriageway and into the jungle.
Finally, we joint up again with the front runner’s who are on a check on the top of a small hill. The check is not far from the road. This confused the front runner’s and caused everybody to scatter in all different directions! But never mind, I know this area, and took a side road back to the A-site. I arrived about 15 feet in front of the front runner – BIG NOSED BASTARD who came back on the ON-IN trail correctly. He was the first (hear that JELLO BUTT) and followed shortly by ARSE-A-HOLIC, RINGWORM, and many other hashers in the normal PH3 running time of about 1 hour. I missed the second loop which was very clever and hard to find. I did see KING YAO YAO come back from the roadway after 1
and 1/2 hours. Of course, the KING was being closely followed by EMPEROR AIRHEAD 20 feet behind. He was singing hash shit, hash shit, and more hash shit...! We cannot forget that the hash always needs new hares!
They will learn by their mistakes, along with the encouragement and help that other’s give them! Give them a second chance for training! They really didn’t do a bad job! On-On V.V.
The Circle,
I recall an old song saying something about “tomorrow never comes”
but, it seems tomorrow has finally arrived today! The GM, Spaghetti Head, calls the circle together for his last official time as the PH3 Grand Master! A large group of hashers are in attendance tonight – 122 to be exact! Yes, Ewok was last to signup as usual! She can be late anytime – as long as she makes it to the run site! Today’s hares: WOO WOO’S BALLWASHER and VELCRO are iced. First run comments range from “hash shit” but, a great effort; to a nice run if you follow paper (G.I.Joe); any run I finish is a great run (RAMBO WW2); SCB’s don’t know what a good run is (GERMAN SHEPHERD)! Of course, Emperor Airhead will administer the final decision later.
Seaman Swallow conducts today’s raffle and fills the ice and bucket with “mouthy individuals” including SHEIKH MEME, FINI THE FAGGOT, SIR CF’R, WOO WOO’S BALLWASHER, and others. Raffle winners include: SAUSAGE QUEEN (who always seems to win! Maybe, it’s because she buys a book of tickets each week!), BAM-BAM, DIRTY HARRY, VELCRO DICK, B. B., LIBERACE, ONE MORE TIME (2), THE HARES DESIGNATED DRIVER, and MISS JOBANPUTRA (Free Run Ticket).
GM conducts the normal weekly business: Anniversary’s: PINKABOO – 50 Run Mug, SNOOPY – 200 Run Shirt, APPLES TURNOVER – 10 Hare Shirt, FLIPPER – 350 Runs. FREE WILLY presented SPAGHETTI HEAD with a large vase (really an urn that MRS. HEAD can use for SPAG’S final resting place later in life! Returner’s welcomed back! Visitor’s introduced:
most notable “BOW WOW” the GM of the Chang Mai Hash! Leaver’s – told to have a safe journey and to hurry back. Virgins would be dealt with later by EMPEROR AIRHEAD and SIR CF’R.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD entered the circle armed with the dreaded “hash shit”
awards! But, wait – virgin hare’s (VELCRO) cannot receive “hash shit” if we are following PH3 traditions! Poor WOO WOO’S BALLWASHER! He could be in deep deep shit! The EMPEROR begins with “good signs”, nice A-site, good weather, even a little water to wash your feet in etc. etc. Then things took a sharp “180 degree” turnaround (an “to the rear march” in military terms). Now’s when things even got worse! EMPEROR AIRHEAD called BOW WOW into the circle and gave her “bucket power”! BOW WOW quickly called in SPAGHETTI HEAD and put him into the bucket instead of the hares! Seeing that things were getting out-of-hand and extremely cold, EMPEROR AIRHEAD took back control of the situation and awarded the hares a “satisfactory – good run”! Thanks for all of your efforts – hares! EMPEROR AIRHEAD then iced all of the Russian virgins and put ESTONIA F’R in the bucket! EMPEROR AIRHEAD called the out-going Mismanagement into the circle and thanked them for their efforts during 2008. He then called in the Mismanagement for 2009. The two new Mismanagement members for 2009 are: FESTERING STREAKER and BAM-BAM.
EMPEROR AIRHEAD reminded all hashers that “while they enjoy the 2009 PH3 activities” the Mismanagement individuals are the ones who are busting their ass and do most of the work!
FREE WILLY, the new Grand Master took the circle and removed his outward clothing – to reveal a very suggestive under attire! Some of the guys were in awe, some were drooling, and some went into the bushes (what for I don’t know)! We just hope that this was a once in a lifetime display! I know, only time will tell! SIR CF’r iced the 2008 GM and the
2009 GM and wished the old one “good riddance” and the new one “good luck”! SIR CF’r then iced all of the Russian returner’s and virgins and attempted to checkout their upper and lower soft spots! I really believe that this gentlemen has a problem! I think that he must have been a priest in his former life and messed with the altar boys! SIR CF’r continued and iced UP THE BUTT, ONE MORE TIME, and T-4. A very unbelievable story was told about T-4 being a closet individual who enjoyed hearing water running at all hours of the night!
B. B. entered the circle and iced MRS. HEAD, FREE WILLY, BOW-WOW, SEAMAN SWALLOW and sang a short song that was enjoyed by all. B. B. then punished the Russian group – not once, not twice, but three times! I believe B. B. has become a masochist since he was offered and accepted an early retirement recently. I believe that TICK TOCK will straighten him out in the future!
BOW WOW once again took the circle and had two Russian hashers show what “2 dogs a f’n look like”! MEME iced the outgoing and incoming GM’s.
And wished them well in the future! He then iced KING YAO YAO, MISERABLE C, and BOW WOW just for the hell of it! He then iced the poor hares, and V V and gave them all a double down-down just because! The old outgoing GM iced the “Black Sheep” and thanked them for their support during the past year! A short hare song was completed and SEAMAN STAINS led the “Hash Hymn”! The bus was loaded and headed for Classroom 2 for tonight’s ON-ON! We would like to thank Classroom 2 for sponsoring tonight’s On-On!
As the bus departed, BOTTOMLESS PIT was heard once again bragging about never running out of beer! It must have been the good training that SWEETIE has provided to him! See you all – again next week! Good Luck to the new GM FREE WILLY! Next time, please leave your clothes on!