What am I doing on this bus? I’ve been to the same A-site that we’re going to just ten days ago, with the same hares, doing the Bush Run! I must be dumber than dirt! Oh well, I guess I will get a little exercise, have a sandwich from CHICKEN LEGS traveling snack bar, a couple of cool brews, and then a great dinner at Jameson’s later. It can’t be all that bad, even if they run the same run in reverse! Well, the A-site is large, clean, and crowded with about 100 runners. Damn, I can’t be first today because SHIT THRU A DUCK, WOO WOO’S BALLWASHER, PIG PUSHER SWINE STABBER, TIMMY TIGHT PANTS, G.I. JOE, and many other fast FRB’s are here. I guess, I’ll just have to be satisfied with being second!
Damn look at those hills – hills hell – mountains! I know where I am and can short cut like SEAMAN STAINS anytime! Ok, I’m ready! Let’s go! Across the open field and to the right on the dusty road SIR SPAG says the paper starts. Well, I’m on paper and leading the pack! It’s great to be “the front runner” once again! Around the gate and to the right we go – straight uphill – bastards! Around the hill and up still another hill – bastards! First check – they can’t fool me – so off to the left and down the gentle sloping road I go. On-On, I knew it would be easy! Still leading with many people chasing me! Great to be first – 400m, 500m, 600m and “False Trail” – bastards! Now I’ve got to go back and chase the pack – damn last again! I should have waited for someone else like F’k THE TRUTH to check the trail out.
Well, I’m catching up again – but slowly. These hills are kicking my butt! I can hear G.I. JOE calling way up front. Now I’m passing GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER, BALL RINGER, TADPOLE, BALL SNIFFER and BABY WIPES. Why is BABY WIPES sniffing the dirt on the road? Damn that man is strange! Look, BEVERLY HILLS PC is doing the same thing – kissing the dirt! These guys must be smoking rope or something! It must be catching – as PIG PUSHER SWINE STABBER, SHIT THRU A DUCK, and GREYHOUND are doing the same thing! These hills must be “alive with something” and it’s not “the sound of music”.
What are SIR T-4, SCREW ME, and SIR CF’r doing ahead of me? Damn hares, told them how to short cut somewhere! How can I be first with all of these SCB’s blocking the trail? I guess I’ll pick up the pace a little! Passing LINGUINI WEENY, F’k THE TRUTH and MRS. HEAD now! Wait – MRS. HEAD was a hare in these hills last week! Something strange is going on! I wonder where WOO WOO’S BALLWASHER is at now! Damn, another check – I’ll just wait a minute. Ah, G.I. JOE is calling from the left side. I’ll follow him so I can be at least second or third. Steep slope into the washout area – I’ve been here before! Quickly, quickly I must go to catch up – but, why do I now have my nose in the dirt? Traps, tripwires, snake holes, rocks, vines, cattle, water and fences in my way. I can see CABBAGE KNIEVEL, CHEAP NORGY, FINI THE FAGGOT, WHALE SNIFFER, ROBBING BASTARD, MISERABLE C, and BARNACLE BOLLOX just ahead.
I’ve now past them and can see the “finish line” – yes, I can be first if I hurry! Damn, EMPEROR AIRHEAD is about to touch the truck! No, no, no! Second again! Who am I? KEE MAH, SHEIKH MEME, V V, JELLO BUTT, LORD LUCAN or LONE WOLF?
The circle
The GM, FREE WILLY, iced the hares: UP THE BUTT and SIR SPAGHETI HEAD and gave them double down-downs for trying to kill the runners today! SEAMAN SWALLOW - who took her time touring Bangkok today – conducted the raffle and quickly iced REALLY SADISTIC BASTARD and DAN BONE! Awards were presented to: FINI THE FAGGOT – 300 Run’s today; CABBAGE FLAPS and CABBAGE KNIEVEL – 50 Run Mugs; RETARD WANKER – 100 Runs/100 Run Shirt today; SHEIKH MEME – 50 Runs today; SIR FESTER – 700 Run shirt.
SCF’r conducted the “Knighthood” ceremony upon GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER – 500 Runs. The General, opted to retain his ranking as “GENERAL KIDNEY WIPER”. The PH3, now proudly, has an EMPEROR, a KING, a GENERAL, and seven SIR’S! Who will be next to be Knighted?
EMPEROR AIRHEAD placed RETARD WANKER in to his favorite swimming pool – the bucket – and wished him a safe trip back to the UK. The hares were iced and BHPC awarded the “Hash Shit” award for not notifying the PH3 that he could not hare today’s run. UP THE BUTT and SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD were “Hash Hero’s” for filling in for BHPC. They were given double down-downs for their “military” hard run! ICY DAVIDSON and STUPID KRAUT KUNT iced: SKK is back for 3 months –“Lord Help Us”; while ICY failed to give THE EMPEROR a ride to the A-site in his new car.
The GM welcomed Returner’s, Visitor’s, Virgin’s and Sponsor’s and gave the circle to SCF’r. RETARD WANKER back for his last swim in the bucket. UP THE BUTT iced for Rule 6 violation – seems he was seen kissing a “white haired male German pilot” recently. At least UP THE BUTT knew the pilot was a millionaire! STUPID KRAUT K together in the bucket with BAM SUPANNEE – who was on top still remains a question.
RETARD WANKER was given the circle – with ice power – by FREE WILLY. He promptly filled the ice with RSB, SCF’R, FINI, STUPID KRAUT K, and put BALL RINGER in the bucket. SHEIKH MEME attempted to regain some circle order by icing the hares, RETARD WANKER, V V (for talking), ODD JOB, PIG PUSHER SWINE STABBER, BALL RINGER etc. and talked about today’s bloody hard run! MEME iced CIA, MISERABLE C, SHIT THRU A DUCK and told a true story of how STAD almost lost his life recently when an individual turned off this diving air hose!
BOTTOMLESS PIT iced for being a “great” Brewmaster! GM iced Tommy Drews for saying he was a returner to the PH3 – when he was a lying virgin! BARNACLE BOLLOX iced the hares, RSB, and sang a short song. SCF’R helped the hares sing the “Yogi” song but changed the name to RETARD WANKER to fit the lyrics. SEAMAN STAINS conducted the HASH HYMN and the bus was off late to Jamesons! Thanks to Kim, Moo, and the staff of Jamesons for hosting the PH3 this evening. The circle ran late because it was “great”. Thanks everyone for being with us tonight – long ride, we appreciate your attendance!
Spag