The Big Mango
Next door to me they have a large mango tree, dangling from it over our garden are a number of large mango’s nicely ripening, my girlfriend eye’s them closely on a daily basis. All of this reminds me not to invite Drippy around because he has a thing about ripe mangos and what he would like to do with them! As he explained later.
I arrived at the A site, this vast open area with a single coconut tree at the perimeter, the shade it provided was taken by today’s hares , Mr Dog and Stinking Sloppy Seconds, early arrivals were hiding under their cars from the relentless sun, Bam Bam and Spag were conducting the sign up with great efficiency.
Baht busses arrived (no bus today) and out poured the Village People all dressed in Lederhosen (as my spell check tells me) clearly indicating that they were Gay, later we were to be informed that as does having a mustache or a bald head, so much for the seven to one rule then.
After 6 hours of standing in the sun the Grand Master finally called the 1st circle, all held their breath waiting to see who he would ask to know what run number it was, good fun this as each had his own differing opinion, thankfully he picked on some Northern Bastard Tommy Two Lips, a man who would not have been allowed the privilege of an education by the governing London Lords, to endorse this power by southern command he also ended up sticking Tommy’s Virgin in the bucket.
The hare sent us on our way, I have to say I was not expecting too much, however after the first check (good and long) it all changed, and we ran into a very large mango orchard, this appeared to go on and on, it was shady and interesting with the second check taking an age to solve though well within 100 mtrs. I was standing at the check chatting with Karamba when he noticed that F**K the Truth was eating a mango, “you could get arrested for that” Karamba explained, “ No problem” said FTT “I know a good lawyer”.
As the run continued the checks were good , keeping us in the shade and in the endless orchards, all credit to the hares they had found the best areas. I lost the trail at the end as the rain clouds came over and walked through the remaining orchards with Drippy who explained to me how mango can be used so…Lock up your Daughters.
P.S. The 2nd Circle was brilliant.
The Circle:
The GM, FREE WILLY, started the second circle by icing today’s hares – F’N DOG and STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS. Most runners enjoyed today’s run and voiced their opinions as such! TEENY WEENY, the PH3’s king of short cuts, stated that the trail from the “On-In” to the A-site was longer than the entire first portion of the run! How would TEENY WEENY know anything about the first portion of any run? Speaking of running – you have never seen the GM run as fast as he did today when he jumped out of the back of SEAMAN SWALLOWS truck! One of the baht bus drivers left the A-site with a load of runner’s bags bouncing around in the back of his baht bus to places unknown! FREE WILLY raced to Hwy 331 – no baht bus! He backtracked to the crossroad to Wat Yang and caught up with and stopped the baht bus just before the Temples! Scared out of his wits, the baht bus driver surrendered the bags! The GM was declared a “Hash Hero” for his valiant efforts! NOTE: Don’t leave your bags on a baht bus and venture away if you expect them to be there when you return!
The returning SEAMAN SWALLOW, conducted the raffle with the assistance of the always helpful but, shy FLIPPER! TRY-A-F’K, F THE TRUTH, FLYING FINN (2), BAM-BAM, BANGKA BLOWER, CABBAGE FLAPS, AIRY PUSSY, and FOREST CUNT were tonight’s winners! Of course, SEAMAN SWALLOW filled the ice with the likes of FREE WILLY, DRIPPY, HELLBOY, and SIR CHICKEN F’R.
TEENY WEENY entered and made an announcement about the 20th Annual Full Moon Kneewalk to be held on April 11th.
SCAR W/2T’S was given the circle and presented a gift to ODD JOB for his efforts towards hashing and especially for his help with the Scandi Hooligan’s runs! The GM presented tonight’s awards: TIMMY TIGHT PANTS – 5 hare hat; STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS – 5 hares today; HONDA DREAM and HONDA WET DREAM – 50 runs today; KARAMBA – 200 runs today; BARNACLE BOLLOX – 100 run T-shirt; ODD JOB – 250 run shirt; and recognized CLIT FACE for his 450th run today!
EMPEROR AIRHEAD iced the hares and recognized them for a good run which had KARAMBA running backwards! The lack of “shade” was the only thing that seemed to be missing hares! F’N DOG always parks his car under the shade, of the nearest tree, so the “lady’s” can have their “feeding frenzy” in comfort! SHEIKH MEME was iced and presented with the “Hash Trash” hat for leaving his condom envelope to blow in the wind! Gee, I wonder if “blow” is the correct word usage in this situation. The ice and bucket were next adorned with the likes of: PUGSLY, BIG DAWG, SCAR W/2T’S, SUPER VIRGIN, and FOREST CUNT. It was validated that all of these individual’s were in fact sinners, but the biggest sinner (FOREST) was caused to “bob” for his dirty running shoes in the cold bucket of “ass wash” water! Happy trails to you!
Other “Hash Hero’s: F’N DOG, STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS, BIG DAWG, and SCAR W/2T’S were given a “down-down” for their continued efforts in making “Hashing” well known – the world over! The GM placed some of the virgins on the ice and some in the bucket - where they all stated, “that they were having a great time on their first hash run”. Returner’s and leaver’s entered and enjoyed a “down-down”.
SCAR W/2T’S iced EMPEROR AIRHEAD because he could not remember in which city the “Scandi Hooligan Hash” was actually located. STUPID KRAUT KUNT was next to “attempt” to sit on the ice. After three unsuccessful attempts, in which he showed the world – his renowned “chimes” – he finally was successful and remained upright! That is, until SUPER VIRGIN “ass hammered” him off the ice once again! LIBERACE enjoyed the bucket, during this time, for failing to bring “cold water” out on the run for other runner’s to drink. T0MMY 2 LIPS rode the ice for a short time, because SCAR hadn’t seen him for the past 5-6 days! It seems that 2 LIPS was out hunting for “little furry” animals during this time and failed to attract them into his cage! SLAB had SHEIKH MEME and DRIPPY on the ice to have them to explain their “problems” with the women in Papua New Guinea! The final result was that they were both jealous of the hashers who resided there!
SCF’r had all of the hashers, who were dressed like “beefy” German bargirls, pose for a group photo. SIR FROG was selected to represent them by sitting on the ice. MEME was iced due to his failure to wear his “Shirley” wig that he was given last week. BERNIE PAHLKE was iced and given the name: FOREST CUNT. Yes, MISERABLE – another “c—t” has joined the family! VELCRO DICK, SUPER VIRGIN, HONDA DREAM where serenaded with the “Fat Bastard” song. SIR CHICKEN you could have also filled the ice with the likes of: SIR FROG, TEENY WEENY, FREE WILLY and BIG DAWG! All of the past Thursday “fun runners” were iced and enjoyed the “Be Gay, Be Gay” song.
About this time, the circle became hectic with non-stop jokes and songs by: BARNICLE BOLLOX, OZZY BOB, TEENY WEENY, etc. Enter – SHEIKH MEME to save the day and put the frivolities to rest until next week. BIG NOSED BASTARD, BALL RINGER, and CABBAGE KNIEVEL iced; JELLO BUTT bucketed. The SHEIKH enlightened all present as to just “how the PH3 bucket” came to be! Stand-by as SONGKRAN is just about on us again – and the hare for the SONGKRAN RUN is the bucket originator himself – SIR CHICKEN F’R!
G.I. JOE, BAM-BAM, and SIR SPAG HEAD iced for being true PH3 supporters! What was the SHEIKH referring too? Did he mean “athletic supporters”? Yes, some of us were “jocks” in our younger days! Others just wish they had enough to need a supporter! SCAR W/2T’S, THREE DOGS, and TOMMY 2 LIPS in for a down-down! Tonight’s hares sang the “Norwegian” national anthem prior to SCAR leading all in a “fast” rendition of the Hash Hymn. The baht busses were off to the On-ON, at TQ2, for more cold beer and pizza. Thanks to the management and staff of TQ2 for hosting the PH3 this evening. Hope to see ”you all” again next week!