After a short drive, we arrived at a scenic A-site overlooking the lake and my house. All of the serious athletes were tucking into their burgers and hotdogs prior to the run and the more seasoned campaigners had brought their own beer to get a head start. Once the sign ups were finished, the circle was assembled by our GM. The first punishment of the day went to Desi Swallow who did not know the run number when asked and took an early dip in the bucket. He told me later that he entered the bucket too quickly, managing to swallow a few ice cubes in the process. Virgins in next and welcomed to the run, one was seen to be wearing new shoes which were christened in the traditional manner. The hares Bottomless Faggot & Fini the Pit (Try doing that to the hares names next week) described the run as short or maybe not with dogs and cattle, using old receipt books as paper (some creative accounting going on somewhere maybe?) and red checks, not the usual pink from our Belgian friend. Fini led the pack onto the first paper running parallel to the road. The first check was in an open field, I headed out to the right and found many tracks going in all directions. The first false trail was found further to the right and after almost completely circling the check, I found paper heading along a stream which we crossed and on in to the trees. The second check was solved fairly quickly by Cabbage Knievel heading across a field and back into the woods. The trail headed towards the Temple Hill and it soon became clear that we would be going around it. I started to head up the road towards the temple, as that route had been used on a previous run but the trail went around the bottom and all the way round to the last check. Due to the true spirit of hashing not being a race, all the FRB’s, Tadpole, Rectum, Festering Streaker and Cabbage Knievel, all trotted On-In together, finishing after a steady 45 minutes with the rest of the pack following fairly close behind. Good Job Hares on keeping everyone together and setting a pleasant run not far from town.
On-On,
Cabbage Head
The Circle:
After a seemingly long “piss up” and “bull shit” session, which normally happens with a short run, FREE WILLY started the circle and iced the hares – BOTTOMLESS PIT and FINI THE FAGGOT. As the PH3 can never, 100% percent agree on anything – TEENY WEENY exclaimed that the run was too long! TEENY WEENY thinks that a walk from the circle to the beer truck is “too long” and always sends his companion for his beer! You’ve trained her correctly – TEENY! FINI and BOTTOMLESS PIT had set a very good run today! How did only the two of them get it correct? –as the last time they needed the help from the other ten “gay sheep” (I really mean grey sheep) Good job guys!
FLIPPER assisted by the ex-GM, SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD – who only sits around in his chair these days – conducted tonight’s raffle. Winner’s included: COO COO COP, STUPID KRAUT KUNT, SCAR W/2T’S, TEENY WEENY, LITTLE TOMMY TWO LIPS, BALL RINGER (FRT), and BOW WOW! The GM’s controversial prize of the night “a gay video” was ignored by SCAR and won by BOW WOW – who gave it to F’N DOG so he could entertain himself later in the evening. Now that’s a lady who knows how to take care of her man! Remember – if you don’t like the raffle prizes that the GM selects – you can always donate something by giving it to FREE WILLY! A special “thank you” goes to BANGKA BLOWER and SCAR W/2T’S for their raffle donations tonight!
The GM introduced the anniversary individuals: BOTTOMLESS PIT – 10 hares today, and SAUSAGE QUEEN – 100 runs today. We must apologize to MUFFIN for overlooking his 50th run accomplishment when it actually happened two weeks ago! Sorry – we’re only human!
EMPEROR AIRHEAD entered and iced the hares. He was happy that the run was close to town, had a great A-site, great view, plenty of parking, etc. etc. But, in true EMPEROR tradition, continued to mention and/or is that complain about – “standard hash signs”! The EMPEROR has two very valid points for using standard “yellow and red” hash signs! First, when you drive a motorbike, car, truck, etc., and you are looking for your turn – you only have to concentrate on one color sign “YELLOW and RED”! Secondly, if your color blind – TAKE THE BUS! Ice seats were now occupied by: SUPERVIRGIN, LITTLE TOMMY TWO LIPS, SCAR W/2T’S, and OZZY BOB! It seems that these “traveling hashers” visited the Phuket Hash recently and upset the local’s – who not only run as a pack, but bring along their “2 and 4 legged” dogs to run with them! Swift kicks accompanied with loud howling could be heard during the run instead of the usual “On-On” calls!
The GM iced HELLBOY and his virgin – UWE TURSKI; FLUFFY LOCKER MAN – a visiting hasher from Brooklyn, New York; and DESI SWALLOW. The returner’s, leaver’s, and other visitor’s were called into the circle during this time and recognized also! SCAR W/2T’S was given the circle and iced: STUPID KK, FROG LICKS HIS DICK, ARSEHOLEO, and NOT BUILT TO RUN – a story was told about ARSEHOLEO bringing his lady companion “on a trolling trip”, to Phuket recently, where she obtained the new hash name of “TEQUILA TITS”. SIR CHICKEN F’R would later proclaim “TEQUILA TITS” to be her name on the PH3 also! ZEAL ZUCKER, whose skin color is “ghost white, because he only comes out in the night, lives in TQ1, and runs all Pattaya hashes’ – disputed “being a ghost” he claimed only to be “a vampire”! He was later overheard saying – “I want to bite your neck”!
TEENY WEENY entered and filled the ice with G.I. JOE, STUPID KK, OZZY BOB, TOMMY TWO LIPS (bucket) and proceeded to tell a joke! Needless to say, TEENY WEENY needs to go back to driving his cab to obtain some new jokes! Sorry TEENY! We would find out later that TEENY WEENY’S joke wasn’t that bad as a visitor, WHORE DINI, made feeble attempts at telling jokes also! In PH3 style, he was “gonged” out of the circle! OZZY BOB “stuttered” things straight by being a very successful door-to-door “Bible salesman”. I’ll buy one BOB – tha, tha, thanks!
FREE WILLY, on the advice of a squealer (ODD JOB), attempted to accuse FLUFFY LOCKER MAN of not wearing a “hash shirt”! But, as all good hasher’s wear hash shirts in the circle – ODD JOB ended up in the bucket! At least you’re on the lookout for violator’s – ODD JOB!
No circle would be complete without SIR CHICKEN F’R entertaining the circle – and enter he did – quickly icing STUPID KK, TEQUILA TITS, and RSB. SCF’r (along with other normal hasher’s) always likes to see skin! He wasn’t disappointed as TEQUILA TITS produced hers for all to see! Now things began to go down hill rapidly! But, as they say, “I won’t go there”! SCF’r was quickly replaced by BAM BAM who iced: CABBAGE HEAD, ZEAL ZUCKER, CABBAGE KNIEVEL, and FESTERING STREAKER – some of tonight’s front runner’s! BAM BAM sang a “Running Hash Song” which was well received, by the circle, cheers, whistles, and loud clapping. Nice job BAM BAM!
Not to be outdone, SCF’r raced into the circle and had the whole circle dancing (except for FINI and BOTTOMLESS PIT who had an “Ice Is Nice” seat) to his rendition of “Do The Hokey Pokey”. SCAR iced TEENY WEENY for changing the previously scheduled “Full Moon Run”. It seems that many visitors cannot attend the run due to the change of dates. Sorry guys, we’ll miss you! Have a good trip home!
The Hash Hymn was conducted and the bus attempted to leave for tonight’s On-On at Secrets, but Johnny was not going anywhere until he was paid! It seems that SIR SPAGHETTI HEAD had F’D Off without paying him! What was Spag’s hurry? Or was this a little payback to Johnny for not showing up last week and costing the PH3 an additional 300 baht in transportation expenses? SPAG hopes that everyone did get back to Pattaya and the On-On at Secrets. Thanks to Alan and the staff of SECRETS for hosting the PH3 this evening. Thanks also go to G.I. JOE for paying the bus driver for me! See you all next week! I hope everyone’s week is a wet one! And not from the rain!