It's Monday afternoon again and time to go to the Monday Hash. Because of the riots in Bangkok, I advised Seaman Swallow not to come down from Kanchanaburi today, so on my trusty bike for a pleasant ride to the A-site on the 331 near Phoenix Country Club Road, one of my favourite hashing areas. I arrived at the A-site and signed up just before the bus which had a police escort, no doubt because of the political situation.
His largeness, our GM Free Willy calls the circle and asks if anyone would like a free run next week. I volunteer and am elected scribe for this week, giving Sir Spag a break from circle notes. The new shoes of our virgin Mark Charthern are christened and the hares, Cabbage Head and Cabbage Knievel are called in to tell us about the run, red checks and multi-coloured paper.
The run was a long one but well laid with clever checks that kept the pack together. As scribe I stayed on trail more than I usually do and was passed on several occasions by the FRBs, Ice Cold Shot, Linguini Weeny, and Tadpole who is in training for a run up a skyscraper in Bangkok amongst them. the run made good use of the terrain which was very varied, lots of gullies and hills with scenic views over South Pattaya and Jomtien. There was also part of a disused quarry, and the usual tapioca and coconut trees, also a mango orchard and some cashew nut trees. The trail was slippery in places and G.I. Joe had a spectacular hash crash, resulting in a torn t-shirt and a big graze on his belly, 'only a flesh wound' he said but at least he made it back to the A-site unlike last saturday. Along with the usual snacks and fruit, the hares provided us with some spring rolls that went down nicely with the pre-circle beer.
When it was getting dark the GM called the circle to order and in best hash tradition, iced the hares. the general concensus was that it was a good run, the final judgement to be given by Emperor Airhead. Next we had the raffle conducted by Flipper and ably assisted by Sir Spag. The raffle winners were Coo Coo Cop,Zeal Zucker, Sweetie, Squeeze My Tube, Arseaholic, Lance My Arsealot, Teeny Weeny, Muffin and Ask Him.
SCF ices Chicken Nugget, Daft Vader and Puppy who have more than 700 runs between them for drinking softies and throwing the empty cans into the bushes, Hash Trash. This is deemed to be the fault of their parents so he ices himself, Ewok, and Bow Wow.
Emperor Airhead takes the circle and ices the hares and compliments them on the quality of their HHH signs, the one to the A-site being visible from 600 metres. Some hashers complained that the run was too long but the Emperor judged it to be a man's run because of the number of hashers coming back with cuts and scrapes, myself amongst them, well done hares. G.I. Joe was iced and awarded Hash Crash. Next the Scandi Hooligans were iced. They had a Hooligan run on Soi Yodsak last saturday night. Uwe Turski who was a virgin on last week's run was named Isle Of Teeny.
The GM called in Super Virgin who was a leaver and this week's virgin Mark Chathern with his sponsor H.I.V.
Scar with 2 T'S takes the circle and ices Ice Cold Shot and Sperm Polluter from the Phuket Hash because they bring dogs on their runs and he hates dogs, maybe he should have a word with Drippy who could give him some advice. He then ices Sheikh Mee Mee and gives him an ice sandwich for missing the Scandi hooligan run last Saturday. Next Super Virgin who is always late is iced and is renamed Super Thai Time. Teeny Weeny is iced for being a noisy bastard. Longthroat a visitor from Norway is iced with the GM. they were both jailbirds in Norway and shared a cell together. Omakase a visitor from Okinawa is iced for 2300+ runs and Rear Gunner was iced for being a smart arse.
Sir Spag, enjoying a break from taking circle notes, iced G.I.Joe, Squeeze My Tube and myself because G.I.Joe got lost on last Saturday's Bush Hash. We had decided to mount a search party for the body at first light the next day but Ball Ringer found him wandering on the 331 at 2130, saving us the trouble.
The GM iced myself and Fucking Dog because the beer truck got stuck in some mud at the Bush Hash last Saturday and had to be towed out by BNB with his truck.
Teeny Weeny iced H.I.V. Brotherly Love, G.I.Joe and myself and told the story of H.I.V. who used to wear a 5 Baht gold chain. He was warned about the risks involved but said 'nothing will happen to me', famous last words. That night after a few drinks in the T.Q, he was riding home on his bike and was robbed, som nam na.
Sheikh Mee Mee takes the circle and iced Scar With 2 T'S, Ozzy Bob, RSB and myself and tells a joke about the Australian Olympics. He then iced Fucking Dog the Beer Police Commissioner, and today's Beer Police, Whoredini and MC. Whoredini was the good Beer Policeman, MC was the bad one 'help yourself'. Rear Gunner was iced for being a Hash Hero for bringing a foresail for a yacht half way round the world from L.A. to Pattaya via Australia.
SCF takes the circle and ices today's virgin Mark Charthern because he looks like President Obama. he then ices RSB our Red Shirt leader and names him Thaksin Shinascot for the day.
The Aussies and the Kiwi were iced while the hares sang a 'Dirty Deeds' song with guitar accompaniment and H.I.V. conducted the Hash Hymn, then it was off to Jameson's for some excellent food and drink, courtesy of Kim and his staff. Another good day on the PH3.
ON-ON
Seaman Stains.