Acknowledgements I don’t wish to be considered a sycophant but must express from the outset my sincere thanks to His Very Immense Hugeness Free Willy for allowing me so scribe while still suffering from jet lag and for supplying an orange highlighter for the task. As a writing tool the highlighter was about as effective as telling the Black Sheep to keep out of Boys’ Town. I must get to the next meeting and urge the mis management to increase his expenses allowance so a decent pen can be provided. Many thanks too, to the many hashers in the circle who kept me supplied with the hash names of those who were speaking or being iced, and offering advice on what was needed, or in one case not needed, to go in the notes. I only regret that a mixture of orange highlighter, sweat from my brow and spilt beer somehow left my notes indecipherable; my apologies therefore, for any inaccuracies. Last but by no means least special thanks are due to Shit Thru a Duck who in the unforgivable absence of my usual aide Try a F*ck made sure I was kept well supplied with beer while note taking. I cannot speak too highly of him for filling the breach. Others may wish to take note of this should His Vastness ever allow me to scribe again.
Many new faces (for me) on the bus but at the A site it was lovely to be welcomed back by friends and acquaintances made since I first joined the hash last December. It struck me what nice people hashers are, an experience repeated when I recently guested at the Hastings (England) hash.
We learned that three stalwart Aussie's, Bangka Blower, Brown Ring Licker and Lone Wolf stepped in to hare the run at short notice but they did not allow this to prevent them from coming up with possibly the most succinct pre run instructions I’ve ever experienced. “It starts over there and follow the paper” (or something similar) must be commended for being easy for our eight virgins to remember. As a pom I stand in awe at this fine example of the product of three Aussie minds.
The course itself was flat but the variety of terrain and obstacles made up for the lack of hills. Some hard running at the start enabled me to pass Really Sadistic Bastard who was putting on a brave face in the absence of his mate Retard Wanker by socializing with four cracks and was consequently oblivious to my display of athleticism. Towards the back of the runners I am always surprised by the different styles of running. Where the ground allows, I adopt a steady jog. This means during the first part of the run for me is marked by a constant change of position with hashers like Rabbit Shooter (good to see him back again) and Bow Wow who favour a mixture of sprints and walks. I then passed visitor Crap Head who ensured his teerak virgin could not get away from him by making her run in an XXL shirt which cramped her st lyle somewhat. While this was going on the much improved Cabbage Flaps actually took the lead by skipping nimbly through a path of chopped sticks cleverly selected by our hares. These sticks had most of us feeling like a millipede trying to do a Scottish sword dance, but alas they finally got the better of her and she fell heavily, spoiling her chances of a fast run.
It was a bad day all round for the Cabbage family as I can place on record that at one stage I was ahead of Cabbage Knievil who eventually passed me muttering obscenities about false trails set by those devious Aussie's. Apparently we all have to thank Smelly Bastard for leading away from the mail trail a swarm of vicious bees the Aussie's are also alleged to have found for us. This brave action was verified by the honourable Shit Thru a Duck who was able to take the lead as a consequence. Personally I thought the hares got the false trails and opportunities for short cuts about right. I was able to catch up with Cabbage Flaps following her hash crash injury and despite vowing I’d never allow her to lead me astray again, I admit to following her down yet one more path that was off paper. We finished the course in fine style however as this plucky lady insisted we run all the way to the beer truck. No gentle walk over the last few metres.
The Circle:
Following the ritual first icing of the hares, I thought Seaman Swallow exercised great restraint in her use of the ice despite suggestions that the number of cracks winning in the raffle was suspiciously large. I am sure such doubts are unfounded. (SS please note).
Two anniversaries were celebrated with down downs for Lone Wolf (150 runs T-shirt) and Sausage Queen (100 runs t-shirt).
Emperor Airhead iced the hares again but in the light of the general opinion that it was a good run he was uncharacteristically uncritical of them apart from warning that their source of paper for the route may well leave some of us short changed when using the loo. After a couple of more icings he went on to explain at great length that although for the Betty Boop run next week he would be wearing a dress it would be very wrong to draw conclusions about his sexuality. He also advised all men that wearing dresses to the On On at Jamesons should ensure they had pants on underneath. There were more down downs for returnees CIA, Speedy and Robbing Bastard and leaver Wham Bam who was forsaking us for a trip to Norway.
The successes of last week’s Norgy run and the Korat Monkey run were mentioned several times in the evening, but six of the Norgy hares were called forth again this week for providing excellent fare for farangs but forgetting that the Poo Ying have different tastes. Airy Pussy attempted to enlighten them by providing a Thai delicacy possibly best described as ‘Dried Squid on Ice’ – it requires an acquired taste I believe.
Virgin Mark drew attention to himself for drinking down down beer and was iced by Bam Bam along with Fucking Alice and Speedy for being negligent in their sponsorship of him (more about this later).
Sir Spaghetti Head iced RSB and Ball Ringer as hash losers, in this case losing socks. Regarding Ball Ringer one was reminded of Oscar Wilde’s Lady Bracknell “To lose one sock Mr Ringer, may be regarded as a misfortune, but to lose both…..” In contrast two hash heroes were iced. Aussie Bam Bam for services to the Korat run and Speedy who had bought a hash shirt for virgin Mark from California. There was nothing nefarious about this gesture. Apparently. Mark came to us without a sponsor and unprepared for the additional expenditure. Speedy (and I think also Fucking Alice) were not his sponsors but altruistically extending the hand of hash friendship. I’d like to add here that I like Mark found the PH3 meet through the internet and appreciated the kindness then shown to me by His Immensity Free Willy and Seaman Swallow in seeking to put me at my ease.
Sir Chicken Fk’r hit the circle with evangelistic zeal. It was not clear whether this was as a result of his talking about good English beers (on which he is an expert) or overcompensating for Millwall’s performance but he carried his audience with him. I too must admit to being so infected by his fervour that at this stage of the evening my notes become even more unclear. Lone Wolf was iced for finding Sir CF’s dress supplier and Miserable C*nt apparently for having such good taste in lady’s dresses. Like Emperor Airhead, Sir CF went to extraordinary lengths to relay that his wardrobe for next week’s Betty Boop has nothing to do with his sexuality. I feel my notes should do them full justice in this respect, as it is clearly a sensitive issue. [Here I appear to have been very affected by Sir CF’s religious ardour as my notes become even sketchier]. Free Willy probably iced Lone Wolf and the hares again. I/We all felt very happy as we closed with the hash hymn, before searching for more religious zeal at Secrets.
On On
Robbing Bastard
P.S. The On On at Secrets provided ample good food and I enjoyed chatting to Missing Link and CIA. What a shame there were not more there to share it.