What a great day for hashing! The milling around awaiting the money changers to fleece the unsuspecting and viewing the hares waltzing around as proud as punch with the knowledge that they will once again mess with the FRB’s and cause much frustration to the DFL’s (dead fkn last). Was Woo’s Washer, gleaning from Bottomless Pit fame, erected his fold up chair next to the booze mobile and the fold up chair was supposed to be the headquarters for the hares. There were quite a few famous people milling around and not the least was Katoy Anal Masturbator.
We all thought hasher Alan knew Free Willy when he called him a cnt for the new shoes call.
The introduction of the run was a wonderful ordeal. Introduced today was Beer Lao and was said by the Boozemaster and hare, the Bottomless Pit, to be a testing ground and if we like it, the PH3 will have Beer Loa on all our runs. You are kidding! There was none left at the start of the circle! “Eyez think this a good idea”. Then the hares reminded us of the 13 illegal T shirts that they had sponsored for the raffle, which was a wonderful, albeit dangerous gesture. Look what happens, Was Woo’s Washer tells Ian Woosnam to fk off, and weeks later he is running with the German mafia!
Sir Spag Head was quick to remind anyone who listened about his most recent war injury and which sadly has caused partial blindness. This was a twig on trail that caught him smack in the musch. Was telling me that Mrs Head had never looked so good though!
The run was away and leading the pack was the usual FRB’s in Gi Joe and Sht Through a Duck. It was a sht trail really, and the smart money was on hanging out with Uncle Pervy and if Uncle Pervy does not like you, there was always the anticipated Beer Lao! Then there was the Oslo railway station crowd if you are that way inclined.
Look, there was only 5 out of 100 odd that finished the run, so writing about it is a waste of fkn time! There was trail leading across an open sewer however, and was viewed with trepidation by most with the exception of Sheik MeMe who gallantly swam to the other side in search of paper! The water was so deep that it had cold currents in places………..we were told.
Everyone lost, meandering back toward the western sun with the thought of Beer Lao being the only inspiration not to falter under the disappointment of another sht run!
All the gay (not that gay!) and happy were back at camp, the Oslo railway crowd were already three parts pissed, they just don’t get it them fkrs! And the hares were eagerly awaiting the inevitable comments of “congratulations, good run”. But not to be, so the hares were seen scurrying off to their Blacksheep gourmet delight. This was the table full of the pseudo famous and visiting was Piss Poorer, Was Woo’s Washer and a couple of others, that consumed fresh pate, with French bread and camembert cheese and washed down with a fantastic 2 day old Cabinet Shiraz. The talk around the table was said to be of one of the absent Blacksheep leadership in Fini the Faggot, who was unceremoniously bagged proportionately and in accordance with Blacksheep protocol.
The GM called the circle soon after the Blacksheeps gave the nod that they had completed their meal. And on the ice were the hares. The GM was very lenient with the hares, being Irish, he must have a deep respect for the mafia.
Spaghetti Head and Mrs Head conducted the raffle. Hellboy was reaching in to the tickets and spilt them on the ground and his best buddy Lone Wolf’s comment of “trust a German to Fk it up!” echoed through the mainstream. Raffle was won by Squeeze My Tube, Lone Wolf, Cabbage Flaps, Doctor Pinky, Free Willy, Sir Frog and Stinky Sloppy Seconds picks up a hat trick, scoring three of the illegal shirts. The winners were very nervous about being potential accomplices to this apparel racket.
Seaman Stains in for the awards and Frog Licks his Dick, Honda Dream and Honda Wet Dream all in for their 50 run mugs. Honey Bunny picks up her 100 run T-Shirt (the first legal T-Shirt we seen all night!). Doctor Pinky and Rottweiler claim there 400 run plate. Clit Face picks up his 450 run plate. And a hashy birthday for T4, who had the wisdom to come out and drink cheap piss on his birthday. Despite being totally lost on the run, he managed to get smashed by the time the hash hymn rolled around.
Emperor Airheads circle and the hares, believe it or not, were congratulated for taking time out of their busy schedules to lay the run (he might be on the payroll too?). Airhead made comments in dispatches of two senior hares looking after a junior hare (who probably done all the fkn work anyway while the other two bastards went to Vientiane to pick up the piss!).
The former young Clit Face, was awoken out of stage 4 sleep to be formally named Zugor, which I thought was quite fitting………….WHAT THE FK!
GM calls in the returners being; Pimp, Tiger Bum, Katoys Blow Best and Honda Dream, who by the way swallowed another beer keg while he was gone. The guy with the mullet get’s Hash Trash, read about it somewhere else! Leavers, who will never read this so why do we persist in mentioning same? Were, Ice Cold Shot and Sht Through A Duck.
Sheikh MeMe’s circle and I have no idea what he fkn said! Hares were iced and nazi headquarters, fronting as the BJ Club was exposed and Lone Wolf was ice for being a sympathizer. Gi Joe was iced because when any RA has nothing to say, they call in Gi Joe. ET and Really Sadistic Bastard and Try A Fk joined him, must have been a really good reason. Spag Head and T4 were iced for being old. Miserable Cnt was iced for being a former Blacksheep, Dirty Harry was iced for being the founder of the Blacksheeps and Piss Poorer was iced for raiding the Blacksheeps gathering and eating all their food and wine! Dirty Harry was iced for running in a shirt that he would wear to a farmers market in Ghent after attending Sunday church service!
Sir Chicken Fkrs circle and Try A Fk and Robbing Bastard were iced for being gay in the tax department. KAM and Sheik MeMe were iced as MeMe resembled Liberachi’s brother George. All this gay talk was getting Katoy Anal Masturbator wound up and he was seen making eyes at Sir Frog. T4 was brought in for being really old and we learnt about his girlfriend and “she is not really his girlfriend, he really pays her”. The mullet guy with the hash trash, Scrumpy was chastised for resembling Ozzy Osborne.
GM gives ET a double down down for leaving his glasses on the trail.
Spaghetti Head threatened to tell a joke and we were all relieved when he started to sing to the current and former hash GM’s being GI Joe, Seaman Stain, Chicken Fkr, Sheik MeMe and Free Willy. It was some lame story that Spag Head sung and it would have been funnier if it come from Ballringer!
The Aussies were called in for the hash hymn and that was my friends, the conclusion of PH3 run # 1325.
On On
Sheikh MeMe