Ten years!!! I cannot believe it!!!
Is it really ten years since Hash Groupie took that false trail and never made it back to the main pack. The
GM then conducted a mass down down in his memory. Well done Seaman Stains.
The hares, Vietnamese Violater and Cabbage Kneivel informed us about the run and we were off. Through the usual
shiggy, ditches and tapioca fields. False trails seemed to keep the pack together. I remember arriving at
one check which Tadpole solved with me just behind her, however she must have been emitting strong
pheromones as about ten guys came flying past me trying to catch up with her.
Most of the runners were
in, in about fifty minutes, with walkers not far behind.
Time for a bit of socializing and it was good to see King Yao Yao back with his leg okay. Free Willy enjoying some spare time and Sir Spag happy with his new stock of Hash Rags.
After a decent cooling down period, the GM called the circle to order. Seaman's Princess then started
the raffle. When the Princess is running the circle beware. She takes no noise abuse. This modern day
Bodicia also takes no prisoners. Iced were ET, Really Sadistic Bastard, BamBam (who gave up his seat
on the ice to claim a prize) and Sheikh MeMe. After clearing them off the ice she promptly iced the
bookends (or bottomends) of Ringworm and Tampax. Plenty of good prizes, but none coming my way for
a change. Dr. Pinky wanted to know why ET had a cum stain on his shorts. We figured out it must be
because he was sitting next to The Sheikh.
Emperor Airhead then took over the circle and the hares were brought in. Although it was deemed a
good run there was one fly in the ointment. They spray painted a big red cross at the A-site. When
questioned VV, true to the spirit of hashing, blamed it on Cabbage Kneivel.
You know how you see in the movies, people lasting days under interrogation. Fingers cut off, 220 volts
to the testicles, knocking the shit out of the wife. They last for days (longer if it is knocking the shit out the
wife) and never divulge the required information. Well VV was crooning the Belgian Ballad within five seconds. I guess they never used Buttock Breaking ice power in any of those movies. Anyway, for this
spray painting misdemeanor, they were given Hash Shit.
No More Cum likes his daughter, Cum Yak Yak to get involved in Taekwondo, running
marathons, bungie jumping, etc., She thought she was going to have a nice day on the
hash. Eating, drinking, yakking and more eating. All normal procedures for the female of the species. It
was not to be as Daddy (a.k.a. Joe Jackson, as in Michael Jackson's Dad) forced her to run. Whereby
the poor wee thing broke her leg. At least she will not have to endure those ballet lessons and horse
riding classes for another week.
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.'
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.
The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.
Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.
At the Connor Pass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place.'
He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead. Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!' THERE'S MORE...
Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass.
He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other.
'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says. He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free. He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.
Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.
Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrot shooting either!' IT IS NOT OVER YET...
Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears.He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he has a chicken. Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.
Once more Paddy shakes his head. 'Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrot shooting... And now Sean and his fook'n hen gliding!'
The GM then brought in the various achievers, returners and leavers. Ringworm explained that the
reason he had not been seen recently was because "He had been abducted by aliens." Please let this
scribe know if anybody has tried this one out on the wife, after coming home late the next morning, and
how it worked out.
DERANGED - completely unable to think clearly or behave in a controlled way, especially because of mental illness.
Sheikh MeMe then took over the circle for more religion. Horse and Linguini Weeny were dealt with for wasting beer. Dog Licks Its Dick and No More Cum for flashing too much in front of their daughters.
Whoa!! What is happening? The hares just moved the ice bucket to cover the big red spray painted
cross on the ground. My notes start to go a bit undecipherable here, but I do remember VV (that bastion
of the Belgium Resistance) being anointed with three toilet seats round his neck.
Sir Chicken Fucker then took over proceedings. I cannot remember very clearly, but he gave Seaman Swallow back her old name. ET is going to be a Head Master in a new
school in Burma. Boys are in trouble, but girls can run free.
It was then time for the hares' song, followed by the Hash Hymn.
Then back to The Secrets Bar for a great Happy Hour. Thanks.
Another Monday Hash over. Looking forward to next week.
On On,
General Kidney Wiper