Snowflake, what a wonderful memory! It was so good to remember a really special person that made what the Hash is in Pattaya today. Therefore it is with great pleasure that I am honoured to compile this scribe report, however I am equally saddened, like most, that we were robbed of some more great years with Snowflake.
Arriving at the a-site we all knew that the run in this area could be great or rubbish and the views were spectacular in any mans language (which there is plenty to choose from!), with the Pattaya skyline and the Gulf of Thailand to the west (where else would it fkn be!) and the backdrop of Buddha Mountain to complete a magic arena for hashing.
We were without our Grand Master today in Seaman Stains, who is frolicking on the shores of County Cork in a vat of Guinness with his harem of lady boys that he leaves there for such occasions. Sir Chicken F*cker was the stand in GM and got proceedings underway. The hares were a plenty in Tadpole, Ewok, Queen Stella, Redundant Seaman, King Yao Yao and Emperor Airhead. Knowing that Emperor Airhead had lived in the area for the past two weeks to make this run happen and was dutifully sacked by the three most beautiful hares, where the script was completely re written at 0630 this very same day, we figured what was certainly a rubbish run, could actually be a great run.
So with all that new shoes and visitor/virgin crap out of the way, we all followed Queen Stella down to the first hint of paper. The trail was excellent from the very start, with weaving and winding our way to a fence or a road and back into the bush again, while at all times being in the shadow of the aw inspiring Buddha Mountain. The checks were mean and nasty at times though, and you could see the hand of Ewok written all over it. One such check saw No More Cum and Sheik MeMe leading the pack across some vile shaggy that turned like black ink very quickly after a platoon of hashers had stomped through, only to find a nasty false trail way past this now impassable evil murky crossing. This check did have the desired effect, luring no less that twenty hashers across the nightmare swamp.
Toward the end of the run we were met by Redundant Seaman and King Yao Yao who were presenting very tasteful towels. These towels are a real “stick it up your ares” to the “we know what’s right for you” crowd, with the wonderful inscription “LIVE TO SMOKE, SMOKE TO LIVE”. So impressed was Hellboy and Bottomless Pit, that they have taken up this slogan as their personal mantra and will insist that it be instilled into the culture at Nazi headquarters, down by Walking Street.
Well if the run wasn’t a great Pattaya Monday Hash, what comes next was outstanding. From the kitchen of Sir Frog and Tadpole cum some bush tucker to die for! We had cold cuts, spaghetti with a sauce that was delicious. We had garlic bread, curry/garlic chicken and rice. Only the girls could pull off such culinary delights as that! You can be assured, we didn’t see too many burgers sizzling over at the Chicken Shop!
Circle underway with Chicken Fu*cker as the acting GM and the three stooges were called in; Redundant Seaman, King Yao Yao and Emperor Airhead. It was discovered that each had a hand in this magnificent Snowflake Memorial Run. King Yao Yao position was “Inspiration and Moral Support”, Redundant Seaman was “Financial Sponsor” and Airhead was “Technical Advisor”. So from that we concluded that the girls done everything!
Sir Chicken Fu*cker was keen to make sure that everyone had Seaman Swallows telephone number and then it was time for the Seaman Swallow raffle. During the course of the raffle Seaman Swallow iced several for various misdemeanors being; Half A Wanker, Hellboy, Sir Chicken Fu*cker and Dog Licks Its Dick. The happy winners in the raffle on the Snowflake Memorial Run were; Honda Dream, who looked over the t-shirts and wisely picked up the hat. Sausage Queen, Squeez My Tube, Bow Wow, Half A Wanker, Ewok, ET, and Stinky Sloppy Seconds.
Sir Chicken Fu*cker called in the returners Redundant Seaman, Rear Gunner, Pissed Pole Dancer and Pinkaboo, who could not come in, as she just got home from school and was too tired to walk.
Airheads circle and “ice those fkn hares” and the ladies were piled on top of Ewok at one point. For those that did not know, we got to learn a lot about Snowflake, like when Sir Airhead first met Snowflake, he owned the Wild Chicken on soi Post Office and a guy walks in searching for assistance without pants, and upon investigation, there was Snowflake all fired up, throwing all matter of stuff from a third floor window. This was Airheads first introduction to Miss. Snowflake. Snowflake was not only the foundation of the Pattaya Hash, she fixed Bangkok Hash and went on to be the founder of the Chiang Mai Bunnies and fixed up all that other deadwood in Chiang Mai. And here, sitting on the ice were Snowflakes acolytes.
No More Cum did not escape, with parenting 101, lesson 2; When your daughter comes home and tells you that while she was just at the 7/11, the store was attacked by three mad Arabs wielding knives demanding cash and sex, You don’t roll back roaring with laughter, claiming that “this is what the taekwondo lessons are all about”.No More Cum was then put in the bucket for being a wayward father.
Airhead then iced Redundant Seaman who explained, in a very touching manner, that Snowflake was all about friends and only really wanted for everyone to have fun.
Sir Chicken Fu*cker with the circle again and the leavers were honoured; the Dogs Licks Its Dick family back to San Francisco, Arse-holeo to the Nash Hash in the UK, Tequila Tits back to prostitution, ET to take up his position as Headmaster of a Katoy school in Burma, and Smelly Bastard………well who really gives a fk!
Ewok and Tadpole gave the remaining towels to the slack bastards (Tadpole called them “lazy old man”) who either did not run or short cutted their way home and missed the cut, who were; Sir Chicken Fu*cker, Big Flaps, Really Sadistic Bastard, Airhead, Missing Link, Arse-holeo, and Bam Bam.
Sir Chicken Fu*cker comes in with a toast and song to Snowflake, which again was very touching.
The killer event was the awards. Today was King Yao Yao 750th run with the Pattaya Hash. There has only been two before him in Sir Airhead and Sir Chicken Fu*cker. I think it is worth mentioning and I suspect that the aforementioned achievers will not be offended, in that this is the first 750 run award where the recipient has actually RUN all 750 runs. That was of course except for that week when King Yao Yao had gonorrhea. Well done King Yao Yao! Another significant award was Ewok’s 10 hare award. On ya girl!
With CF still in control, ET was back on the ice as he is off to join the junta in Burma. Pinkaboo, because she has never been with a real man. Olive Oil because she deserved to be iced and Honda Dream because he swallowed a house. CF sought revenge on Seaman Swallow, who presented moving skin for the Belgian paparazzi in Dirty Harry to capture on film. Dirty Harry was dizzy as he ran in circles to capture this moving ass target. Swallow was a good sport about it all and gave Dirty Harry her direct telephone number. We also found out the Seaman Swallow now has a site on the internet and can be found at swallows.com.
Spaghetti Head comes in promising no jokes and ices last weeks hares for leaving the HHH signs in the bush because their grappa infested minds had no idea what year it was and the only reasonable BS defense that Miserable C*nt put up, was that “they were biodegradable signs”.
With Sir Chicken Fu*ker back in control again, it was Skeikh MeMe’s turn to be berated by the acting GM. It was Sheikh MeMe’s style of being a Religious Advisor that came under scrutiny, which was so perfectly rein acted by CF that Sheikh MeMe position could become redundant. The origin on Sheik MeMe’s name was enquired upon and it was established that the then MeMe, was seen in a newspaper photo with Sheik Maktoum bin Rashid al Maktoum, wearing the Dish Dash, (the old table cloth with the fan belt on the head to coincide with the long dress), and there you have it Sheikh MeMe was born.
By this time, your scribe is marginally inebriated and returns to his notes which were being held by someone else and now reads “Bottomless Pit Is The Best Brewmaster in the World”, go figure who had the notes? Then there was a bunch of guys put on the ice because they do not get on the ice that much and that was about as funny as a fart! King Yao Yao was heard proclaiming (about himself obviously) “old skin is good skin”. Big Flaps and Robbing Bastard in the bucket for talking and it was learnt that Robbing Bastard, is keeping notes on all RA’s who put him in the bucket, so as when he attains that position (which will never happen) he will seek retribution.
The Hare song was the “Ugly Song” and sang by King Yao Yao and Sir Chicken Fu*ker while the girls sat on the ice.
Hash Hymn by the hares and with that we proceeded to the OnOn at TQ1, where if you missed it, the hot dogs were great and the video memorial to Snowflake topped off a great afternoon.
Thanks for the memories Snowflake!
OnOn,
Sheik MeMe