The Gay Triangular (or was it Pentagonal?) Run
It was with some trepidation that I embarked on today’s run being 5+ months into recovery from the same horrific soccer injuries that sidelined Arsenal’s Eduardo for 18 months – but then he IS foreign! Also, it was just last week when our esteemed and much appreciated, Clit Face, had told me I was too old to be playing football let alone making a come-back.
However, my bad side got the worst of me as I considered the advice of our computer expert who invented such games as “Virtual Couch Potato” and “Talking with One’s Foot in One’s Mouth”. Also, having regard to his track record of running a full Hash (non-existent in the last 20 years) I decided, perhaps foolishly, to consign his advice to the Trash Can and proceed to the A-Site, continuing my football fitness recovery.
The Site was familiar as we all mulled at what variation on a theme (running around that hill) we would be subjected to this time around. The run was, however, a very good one with some clever checks and (especially appreciated by me) much running on soft, sandy trails to cushion the jarring on injured legs and old joints.
Immediately after the run, fellow hashers divided mainly into 3 social groups: A. The (long-established) Norwegians. B. The (rogue) Black Sheep. C. The (newly-formed) Also-Rans. I myself formed a journalistic group of my own within earshot of all three main groups but, unfortunately, could not report anything of any real significance, intellect or humour from either of them – but it was, after all, early doors, and everybody knows that Hashers will only improve on these matters through taking copious amounts of beer, sitting on ice and passing wind in and around the Circle.
The Circle began with the icing of 2 hashers who committed the sin of drinking before the run finished. In mitigation, they pleaded that it was their own beer. Quite rightly, this met with jeers of derision for their foolishness at pre-buying beer when you can drink all you want for 350 Baht – if you just wait! Hares were then iced and the swapping of their two “surnames”, forming Bottomless Cunt and Miserable Pit, caused much laughter from the hashers who thought of this clever play on words.
Emperor Airhead then took the Circle and iced the Black Sheep for forming a “Gay Triangle”. However, as there were 5 of them perhaps a “Gay Pentagon” might have been more appropriate - but I suppose Emperor Airhead needed to deflect away from the sexual preferences of his country’s defence forces. Then there was detailed and complex discussion about types and levels of gayness, about “givers” and “receivers” etc. etc. This was all beyond me. Being a red-blooded, 100% heterosexual that ensures his colourist only dies his hair a very masculine dark brown, this gay talk was over my head and left a nasty taste in my mouth. However, the gist of this seemed to be that although the Black Sheep might be black – they are also shades of gay.
The GM, Seaman Stains, then iced Returnees, Virgins and Leavers – Ball Ringer being a strange one – who is leaving for Soi Theprassit – perhaps on a two week shopping spree in Theprassit Market to stock up on some more tight shorts before they come back into fashion and become more expensive. Many more icings followed, including GI Joe for stampeding cattle with his white hair and VV for a belated hash trash after Sheikh MeMe found non-degradable paper left from a VV run 5 years ago.
Sir Chicken Fucker then introduced his charming, tall daughter to the Circle but failed to admit that she had been weaned in a “grow-bag” in her early years. However, she was not as tall, as her 6 foot 4 inch Katoey brother back in the UK. Somewhat optimistically, Stupid Kraut Cunt then proposed to her - only to be politely rejected on the grounds that: A. He is stupid. B. He is kraut, and C. He’s a Cunt. Then Sir Chicken Fucker serenaded the hares with a gay song “Gay Sera Sera” with the Hash Hymn ending proceedings before Happy Hour at Secrets Bar.
On On
Fuck the Truth