So there it is, another Monday Pattaya Hash come and gone and it is my duty to serve you well by composing this pitiful record of events. This report would have been compiled by Running Dick, who was a returnee after almost a year and it was pointed out to GM, the unfairness of having a scribe appointed after such a long absence, and the job was then thrust upon yours truly. It was then suggested to Dog Licks Its Dick to compile this run report and he said that he has managed to avoid the pen as a hash weapon, for over four years, and was waiting for Really Sadistic Bastard to become GM before he will put his hand up.
The hares being Spankinstein and Fini the Faggot and with the knowledge of that, the air was filled with anticipation. The a-site out on the 3240 was surrounded by sensational country and it was certain that the hares would use this sensational area to achieve the run of the year. However, not to be. The first half of the run was ordinary, through tons of tapioca and the second half was sensational, crawling around the back of the mountain. Smelly Bastard was the stand out wanker, throwing a check into the bush and pointing the final check away from the a-site.
Back at the a-site, Fini was gloating of his success as hare, having hared seven Monday hashes this month. Spanky was hiding behind a can of San Mig avoiding engagement with the rank and file. Timmy Tight Pants was offering THB 20,000 to anyone that could find his key, a full three minutes before total darkness and then it was learned, that this is an old trick that they use back in Oslo and likened to a missing tooth before a snow storm. Things that the quiet ones do for amusement.
The circle underway and Hellboy was promptly immersed in the GM’s nasty bucket, which was brimming to the top with punishing ice. The raffle underway and Slippery Arse found himself in the bucket courtesy of Cabbage flaps raffle prize of the same elk. Spanky, Try A F*uck, Piss Pole Dancer and a host of others were the lucky winners in the Monday edition of the Spag-a-thon.
Airhead takes the circle and promptly ices the hares. Swedish Meathead was duly dealt with for being a wanker. Antique and Airhead looked back on old times when he had teeth and Tom had hair. Ratso-eel-sniffer was iced for not paying attention. Hares were again berated for what was thought to be crop abuse. Antique was forced to admit that he was a bad dad after leaving his little fella on trail and making his way back to the a-site in tears of fright, having spotted that scary Mr. Ball ringer.
Now back to the run, for the first time in living memory, we see Hellboy at the front of the pack with German Shepherd. It was inquired of his sudden good form and it was learned that after the closing of the BJ Bar, that he is now down to sixteen bottles of Jack Daniel's per week, from the previous twenty seven and he alone, attributes this to his fine health.
Back at the circle, Airhead was getting irritated by the noisy and disruptive, who refused to pay attention, so Airhead expressed a general “fk you lot” and with that, he vanished.
Visitors, leavers and returnees held quarters with the GM in what is really a private session as no one can ever here what they are discussing. GM has not quite learned, when discussing with returnees and the predictable “where have you been”, when they answer, hospital, don’t ask what for when they are over 60!
Ringworm achieved 300 runs today and Really Sadistic Bastard suggested that Ringworm was actually three hundred years old. By the way, if you have not read last weeks scribe report by Ringworm, it is a must and considered the funniest of the year.
On On
Sheik MeMe
The Jungle drums were beating at The 19th Hole
Local residents in Soi Phoenix were in an uproar last Thursday 10th Dec after lots of noise and drum beating appeared to be coming from The 19th Hole beer bar.
After several minutes of disturbance it was discovered that it was not a sighting of the ghost of the now departed Chicken Legs but it was the realization by all attending a meeting of the Jungle hash that Sheik MeMe’s hand had actually reached the bottom of his pocket and bought a round of drinks.
Wonders will never cease.