“I never fucked a poofta, but I fucked a bloke that has!”
This was the first line of my hash notes, courtesy of Teeny Weeny and Bam Bam. After this it becomes undecipherable and I am not sure I want to go down that Aussie Avenue anyway.
Today’s run was just past the crocodile farm. I followed the instructions on the map. A big police presence at Siam Country Club / Muslim road intersection. Covered my nose and mouth, breathed out, but did not smell too much gin or Chang fumes. So ready for a breathalyzer. No worries. It was the opening ceremony of the Pattaya Fire Department.
Another two hundred metres down the road and I had my first Songkran experience of 2010. Bit of a splash, but that was it.
A little further up and I came across the new intersections. No signs and kind of dangerous as to who has the right of way. Not to mention where am I? I just followed to oldest pot holed section of road and sure enough managed to pass the Crocodile farm and get to the “A-Site.”
Spacious and stinky would be the best description of the site. Sign ups were a bit down, but I guess that was because a few regulars had decided to leave” Dodge City” during Songkran.
The hares, Arse Hopper and Pink Panther, explained the run and we were off. After two minutes we came across a Dead Dog. I did not know if this was a co-hare or the special on tonight’s barbie. On we went, but the heat was quite extreme.
With relief we came across some cattle. We had been warned before the run to watch out for them and to stop running and walk past, so as not to scare them.
G.K.W. – “ Fini stop running.”
Fini – “Why?”
G.K.W. – “Cattle.”
Fini – “Okay I did not see them.”
G.K.W. – “Fini you should know by now that if I am not running the only reason is because of cattle.”
Fini – “Sure General.”
V.V – “Fini, the General is full of bull-merde, ee does not av the poof anymore to keep running.”
Fini – “Je comprendez, but ze old fart as to be humored.”
V.V. – “Fini no problem leave this to moi. Billy ce bonne.”
G.K.W. – “Ce bonne.”
V.V. – “Okay Fini, let us allez the fuck off and maybe he will be able to finish some time before the circle.”
The scribe struggled onwards. I hit a stinking lake that I thought was the A-Site. Nope. It was another stinking lake.
One section of the run had cause for concern. Posted in English outside of a large complex were signs warning of Toxic Hazards. These were large mounds covered with plastic.
At this stage I was breathing in deep breaths. The dilemma. Get past quickly, breathing deeply or walk and breathe slowly. You know if there are warning signs in Thailand it is serious shit. Anyway, I compromised and did a bit of both. (As the wife is still not talking to me I still have to ask her if I am glowing in the dark or not).
Who should come running alongside me but Fini. He had lost his way. I had not strayed off paper, but was ahead. Sometimes the old dictum “slow and steady,” is true.
Anyway, just after that I turned a corner and there must have been about eight girls in front of me at the on-in. They were walking and my “Scottish Shuffle” was not much faster. How do they do it? I was lathered and they were all in pristine condition. At least to look at them.
Grabbed a beer and mentioned to Bam Bam if it was possible to change my 500th. Run shirt for a 500th.run chair. I was really that tired.
Managed to shoot the shit with Really Sadistic Bastard and we talked about man lumps on our breasts.
King Yao Yao and Ringworm eventually arrived. Both got lost. Yet Ringworm had been expouting the doctor’s prognosis on his recent eye operations and declared he was good to go. But if he wanted super vision as in the new scanners in American Airports, it would cost an extra 60,000 baht. He declined. Maybe he is thinking anew.
After the cooling off period the circle started. That good old double family act of Seaman Stains and Seaman Swallow kicked into gear. I do remember before the circle Crazy Moon telling Baby Wipes she wanted two of the prizes. Well I guess the Thai Tattoos etched, probably painfully, into his back paid off, as he did win twice.
E.T. back again proving that the Bobby Charlton look is still alive and well in Burma.
Sir Chicken Fucker in as bad RA, as I do remember Seaman Swallow tutting tutting him and telling him to behave.
Well done Cabbage Knievel, Cabbage Flaps – 100 runs
More religion with Scar with 2 T’s. The last time I saw him he was wrapped up in bandages from head to toe in about late 1980’s. It was our Halloween run and he was the Mummy. He did the whole run wrapped up. Hot, Sweaty and it was Cecil C. DeMille stuff. I never thought that it could ever get any scarier until I saw him take up the mantle of RA the other night.
He was like a maniac. Yak Yak, Cabbage Flaps, Miserable Cunt, Colonel Cornhole were all iced quickly.
Anyway, I would like to take this opportunity of addressing this dervish. Is there any chance of sending the messages to me in Facebook, from the Scandi Hash, in English. Obviously, you guys are in Pattaya and feeling good.
Anyway, I seem to remember the girls singing.
Hash hymn
Happy Hour at Classroom 2. Thanks guys once again.
A good run. Then back home.
No water once again.
Do not believe Pattaya City Hall.
OnOn,
General Kidney Wiper