Correcting Run Records Policy

THIS IS THE BBC WORLD SERVICE. Bip bip bip. Our foreign correspondent Penelope Fozdyke will be reporting from the Far East.
This is Penelope Fozdyke reporting from Thailand, in Pattaya on the infamous Pattaya Hash House Harriers Run.
I have been sent to today's run to let you people know what hashing in Thailand is all about.
Well lots of people started turning up at a place called the A site. A man called Bam Bam and his friend Balls Ringer assisted in taking sign ups for the people who were showing up for today's run. Lots of people of all shapes and sizes, men women and children.
While I was waiting around I started to talk to various people and find out who they were and why they run on a Monday. I was introduced to Lonely Wolf. And he told me he runs because he likes to keep fit. And Because he likes to chase Katoeys around the streets of Pattaya at night. I met Karamba in his butch army trousers with no shirt. I did like his braces. He said he likes also to keep fit. But he does it to run away from ex wife's, who are alwaysafter more money. I askedfor his phone number which he gave to me. He said that he liked elder farang women. I then was introduced to Sir Spaghetti Head. The famous Spag who Bob Marley styled his dred locks hair style way back in the 70s. I was then introduced to a man called Miserable Cunt, what a bad name that is. But it did seem to fit his personality.
After about an hour a man who resembled a younger looking version of Mick Jagger called Form a Circle. He told us the real GM that means Grand Master.A really important person who is never wrong. Was still in Phuket and would be back next week. He called Hares on in who hadmade the run for that day. The Corpse who did look close to death (The Mummy) who did not look much like his mummy. And Stinky Sloppy Seconds. (I don't think I would like to even be first with him let alone second.) They told us about the run and off everybody went. I was walking along with Uncle Pervy (he did not look much like a pervy person to me). And this Emperor Airhead, he looked like a real man, the type of man that my mum would like to meet. We walked and talked andhe told me that he as worked in a GoGo bar for much of his adult life. He takes care of the new young girls that fall prey to being sent down from the village by mum and dad looking for a betterlife that there daughter will provide them with. But he sounded so sincere that I believed everything that he told me.
It was very nice walking and talking in the jungle. I found out about things such as checks, that is when you have to find the right way to go. And also false trails when you are going the wrong way. They told me that Really Sadistic Bastard is going the wrong way. And he wearsa skirt on special occasions. There was some good food on sale. Burgers and Sausages. But most of the people seemed to be drinking. They seemed to (I do not really want to say this) but they seemed like a real load of piss heads.
The younger Mike Jagger look alike called form a circle. And the Hares were iced, that ice looked really cold. They even had to bare their arses which I liked a lot. We then had a raffle with lots of prizes. I did not win. Bastards. We then had the Emperor Airhead back in and he did not mess around, he had people sitting on the ice and even sitting in a big bucket of ice. That looked painful. I am so glad that they did not pick on me because it was that time of the month for me. How embarrassing that would have been. People coming in sitting on ice and drinking beer called down downs. This seemed to be going on all the time. I got chatting with a man called Bottomless Pit. And told me that later if I wanted he would take me to his favourite bar called Linda Bar. I said ok and I would meet him later that night. He would bring some of his friends who also liked this bar Lonely Wolf, Dirty Harry, Sir Frog.
There were anniversaries. Apples Turnover had done 200 runs, and the Corpse had hared 5 runs (someone told me that he only lays runs at night when he is about). And VV had done 500 runs and they named him Hare VV. Apparently he as hared more runs than anybody in Thailand.
We had a song about skinny people which I thought was very good. My mum would have liked that one. We then finished with the Hash Hymn to the tune of SweetChariot. And then everybody grabbed more beer and got ready to make there way home. I myself thought that the whole thingwith the Pattaya Hash House Harriers was a really good experience, Ireally enjoyed myself and I hope that I get sent to this part of the world again to do another report.
Thank you very much from Penelope Fozdyke.