What a great but strange life we have in Pattaya. On Friday Colonel Cornhole and Same Same turned up at my house for wine and cheese then Karamba wandered in with a bottle of wine, the same wine I was trying to give away on my birthday hash a few weeks ago and the same wine that even Bottomless Pit spat on the floor. Sheik Meme me popped in next with tall stories of sleeping with the Ugandan girl with the weird tits from last week and her paying him but the funniest was Sick Mick who was guzzling wine like it was his last day on earth, tormenting a puppy that had wandered in to the party then an hour later crashes his motorbike that's karma for you or as the Thais said somnamna.
Anyway we get to another strange Monday hashing day and as I arrived at the race track a-site a motorbike flew over my car I thought oh this is going to be a great hash day, all the hashers start to form a circle while motorbikes scream around the corner only to see 80 hashers standing there drinking out of training shoes and singing to each other, can it get any stranger of course it can.
We are sent on our way into the jungle with motorbikes screaming in the background, I made a couple of short cuts to try and get into the front of the short trail runners only to end up with the long trailers oh well it cannot be that long I thought, oh how wrong I was, about 10 kilometers wrong and along the way many strange happenings, one of them not so strange was a very angry bull trying to kill a french runner only to end up somersaulting in mid air as at about 40 kilometers an hour the bull came to the end of his rope and landed on his back only one meter from the very lucky french guy, much to my surprise the bull jumped to its feet and was even more angry looking at me with steam coming out of its nose,luckily he had the rope round a tree and Ii escaped unscathed.
The hares Robbing Bastard and Steptoe forgot to tell us there where back checks if they had maybe we would have avoided the crazed bull.
I manage another short cut to get in front again only to be passed by Slippery Arse who never called on on once, now G.I. Joe is injured, the only on on caller was Karamba in the front pack.
We arrive back at the race track an hour later sweaty and dirty but it was a very good run especially when one of the hares is 70 years old today and the other ones not far away. Chatting to a few returnees I had not seen for a while Quarter Pounder With Cheese and his slightly slimmer brother, Absolutely No Fucking Idea who had lost a little weight in prison on the Isle of Wight, Barnacle Bollox trying to sell me a condo, and a few others.
Circle up Hellboy screams I had only been in for ten minutes, the raffle is done with Colonel Cornhole winning the wine and miserable Bottomless Pit getting some of Free Willy's second hand dvd,s.
I cannot find paper to scribe with as Spag Heads cut backs are hitting us all, but I manage to steal some out of Chicken Nuggets coloring book.
Lord Lucan gets squashed in the bucket by Colonel Cornhole who also manages to break his glasses, next time it will be easier to sit in the bucket not on top of it, some people never learn. Cabbage Flaps was handing out sandwiches, nice idea whilst Arse Hopper hands out beer to his friend, you would never see that anywhere else, I am sure he is Sheik Me me,s long lost brother. Chicken Nugget gets paraded around the circle while his grandad Chicken Fucker talks aboutsex with animals.
And then it's that time of the night, hash hymn and we are all gone till next week
On On
MC